1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Do you notice others repressing their sexual orientation?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Drowning806, May 6, 2023.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Drowning806

    Drowning806
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2023
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    Germany
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey, since i am coming to terms with being gay, and trusting my gaydar, i noticed that i seemed to feel subconsciously drawn to people who repress their sexuality themselves.
    Especially, connecting through art and humor seemed to be a way, to feel a connection without knowing why exactly we are feeling drawn to each-other.

    It just feels kind of odd to me, of my two closest friends, at least one seems to be in denial about his sexuality while the other one seems at least to be conflicted. I am not sure about this, but there are lots of signs, and the one i am more sure about also seems to immediately connect with other people acting straight who my gaydar immediately puts into the gay category without being aware of this.
    My last big (i-need-a-preferably-tomboyish-woman-in-order-to-feel-straight)-crush, was a female artist, and since i came out to myself, it feels like a lot of her music seems to resonate with me out of exactly this same issue, i thought one of her songs combined with the music video, reeked of repression it also was directed by a lesbian who may was more aware of the issue than the artist herself, but on her Instagram story i saw her cooking in a homely setting with a guy who to me felt like as straight as an arrow (not in the cliché sense, but simply the vibe).
    (Even though in the music video i watched, the symbolism seemed to address the issue that she engages into sex with men in the end out of internalized and societal expectations, but my interpretation could be very subjective.)
    I tend to notice other people, who hit on girls, they do not seem to find sexually attractive in any way, because they are searching to be loved by a woman and being accepted.
    And may are not able to search such a connection with a man, just as i was, before the topic was brought up with my therapist.

    It just seems like a lot of people not being in tune with who they really are to me tbh, and while my gut tells me that i am right about this, i still think maybe i am simply feeling kind of alone and invalidated with my experience IRL and simply want to see someone i can relate to.

    What is your take on this? Do you notice repressing LGBT People? Does your Gaydar usually work?
     
    #1 Drowning806, May 6, 2023
    Last edited: May 6, 2023
  2. brainwashed

    brainwashed
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2014
    Messages:
    2,141
    Likes Received:
    494
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Once again I feel people in all arenas have this gay thing all wrong. Human sexual orientation follows a bell shape curve as just about everything in nature. People who are 100% or near 100% hetro are far and few, the left side of the bell shape curve. People who are 100% or near 100% homo are on the right side of the curve, again far and few. This means that most people's sexuality are in the middle of the curve.

    I can have sex with a woman but I do not prefer it, because I have no real feelings for woman. I've known for quite some time now that my sexualality is plotted right of center of the bell shaped curve - I'm gay.

    So labeling misses the above phenomena.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normal_distribution
     
    #2 brainwashed, May 6, 2023
    Last edited: May 6, 2023
  3. Drowning806

    Drowning806
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2023
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    Germany
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yes in retrospect of writing this, it feels more like my psychosis is starting to come back because i simply can not handle myself being gay for some reason, so i need to project my experience onto others.
    I will still leave this in this answer and not edit or delete the thread, because i still believe it is an interesting question, and this is just one possible interpretation of my observations.
    How can my brain be so fucking hateful, that it prefers living in insanity to simply loving men? i do not get it.
     
    #3 Drowning806, May 6, 2023
  4. mnguy

    mnguy
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2006
    Messages:
    2,386
    Likes Received:
    456
    Location:
    Mountain hermitage
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm sorry you're frustrated with all this and rightly so. We were all lied to about sexuality and taught to hate anything but straight so it's not your fault your brain got messed up. It really sucks I know and I'm glad you're getting therapy to help you. Everyone should know about the Kinsey scale or range of sexual orientation and claim their own w/o the least hesitation. Also that it can vary over one's life and that's fine. You love men, that's great go meet some and keep chatting here. You'll be alright!

    I'm not sure I know if others are repressing sexuality or have much for gaydar. There have been lots of guys I thought there might be some mutual feelings, even if just to bust a nut together, but they always talked about women and married them so they must be straight. Gay guys aren't still marrying women in free countries in 2023, are they? It's going to take all of them coming out and younger guys to stop doing that if being gay will ever be as ordinary as being left handed. All these "tough" guys who know their real love, yet hide behind women lol. They could at least just be a bachelor to have some integrity.
     
    #4 mnguy, May 6, 2023
    Drowning806 likes this.
  5. mnguy

    mnguy
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2006
    Messages:
    2,386
    Likes Received:
    456
    Location:
    Mountain hermitage
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thinking more about this, I wonder if my gaydar was pretty good, but the guys that set it off were with women so I trusted they were being honest and I was wrong. This happening many times reinforced that I was wrong and couldn't trust myself, instincts, feelings, spidey-sense or whatever. Then I hear from other people to trust their gut feeling and something like that from therapist too about trusting myself but I learned my feelings were wrong, or were they?

    Reading more about how many guys keep playing "straight" family man while meeting guys for sex, I am sure several or more of those guys are Kinsey 1-6 and sneak around to cheat. It's like they and society gaslit us all how these manly men are never gay, while they're out on the downlow, and the gay guys who enable them. They joke about it like conquests. It's like a secret club and only certain guys are included. Due in part to that, our rights can't progress to overcome the pressure, which they point to as why they can't be authentic. Chicken/egg and the fearless tough guys are last to stand up. I know I'm not super out, but I never had a fake date or hate on LGBTQ+ people or vote against our rights to gaslight people. I never cheated with anyone to get off as their dirty secret. This might help bi people most since we would see how prevalent same sex attraction is with K1-5, as long as people are honest. You know there are lots of bi guys in sports, frats, business, politics, construction, etc. If they had half the courage of the façade they desperately keep trying to prop up, it should be enough to be honest.
     
    #5 mnguy, May 8, 2023
    Drowning806 likes this.
  6. Ntina21

    Ntina21
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2023
    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Athens
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    just come to greece and you will see loads!!!!! The more conservative a society is...more people cant even think how to express themselves
     
    #6 Ntina21, May 26, 2023
    Drowning806 likes this.
  7. Beezy

    Beezy
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2023
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    45
    Location:
    U.S.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So many of us have different experiences. I had plenty of signs as a child and even into early adulthood that I was same sex attracted. The confusion in my case took place in that I had some opposite sex attraction in my late teens and twenties and coupled with a very homophobic environment that I existed in I repressed my homosexuality. Those of us that married a woman never wanted to be dishonest or hurtful to our wives. The problem is that outside pressures and internal homophobia can lead to lying to yourself. As time went on my attraction to women was overtaken by my homosexual nature. I have tried my best to cope with my attraction to men without cheating on my wife. Time will tell how I get through this but it’s not easy.
     
    #7 Beezy, May 26, 2023
    Enzo46 and Drowning806 like this.
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)