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Stance on having kids?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by AnxiousReader, Apr 30, 2023.

?

Do you want children?

  1. Maybe

    12 vote(s)
    32.4%
  2. Yes definitely

    7 vote(s)
    18.9%
  3. Definitely not

    18 vote(s)
    48.6%
  1. AnxiousReader

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    I myself am comfortably a fence sitter lol (I don’t know 100% if I want children.) But I was curious what the consensus here was. I know that in general it seems more lgbt people are more okay with the idea of not having kids but I know that there are also a good number I’m sure who do want them. I actually was pretty sure I wasn’t even in the maybe camp until I realized I liked women. The idea of raising kids with another woman sounds massively more appealing to me than raising them with a man ever did. I don’t necessarily know if I’d be a good mom though so I’m not certain yet whether it’s something I will definitely pursue or not. I would be perfectly content if my wife wanted to carry but I might consider getting pregnant myself as well.
     
  2. Bludzee

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    Honestly I don’t know. I’m still young, but my friends (mainly the straight one) often talk of having kids. I kind of like children, but I absolutely hate when they make noise. And I honestly think I’ll be a terrible mother.
     
  3. Tightrope

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    I worried that I would parent like my parents did. One therapist and several friends told me that they didn't think it would have been like that. I also didn't want to rehash some of the personalities and mental health issues from the relatives above me, and that was mostly on one side. I've seen that a few of my cousins who had kids have been having a tough time. I was also in a state of flux during the prime coupling and parenting years, including some bad bouts with depression, and was in no position to do it. I have no regrets. The only thing that bothers me is when people think I'm selfish or want to avoid responsibility because it turned out that way. It's none of their business. I'm glad that some of my friends and relatives have had nice kids who have good personalities.
     
  4. AnxiousReader

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    I often worry that I wouldn’t be a good mom either. I tend to get tired easily and I also have anxiety. It worries me that because of these things I wouldn’t be able to do all for them I’d want to do.
     
  5. Chiroptera

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    No, but it has nothing to do with my orientation. I want to travel and enjoy the world with my SO. Having kids is expensive and demands a lot of energy, which I prefer to spend elsewhere.
     
  6. Rayland

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    Same here.

    Also I get dysphoric just thinking of pregnancy and I feel like I would loose my freedom. And yes kids are expensive. I'm just going to have a cat. My cousin said she is going to take corgi puppies instead.
     
  7. AnxiousReader

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    Yeah
    I definitely understand this perspective for sure. Kids definitely aren’t cheap and for me they’d be more expensive than the average adult because I’d have to spend money just to even make a baby. I do think I could be happy without kids and still have an enjoyable life for sure, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes wonder what it would be like to have one. A part of me is kinda a bit in love with the idea of having my wife carry my bio kid or me carrying hers.
     
  8. Loves books

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    Do I want kids? I want a kid, I want a perfectly behaved kid. Specifically a little girl. Since children don’t appear at around 6 yrs old and you can’t choose a gender I won’t be having any. I don’t want a baby because I know that I couldn’t care for a baby and quite frankly, don’t want to. I don’t want a teenager because I don’t want to deal with the worry of what the teen is up to. I also don’t want to be pregnant and give birth. I know I can’t afford a child. I’ll just keep hoping for a niece or nephew in the future.
     
  9. silverhalo

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    I was a fence sitter for a long period of time, until I was with my now wife. It’s not that she forced me into it, I just think before I was with her I couldn’t really imagine it but that was partly because I was imagining just myself as the parent whereas when I imagined us doing it together it felt much more manageable and enjoyable.
     
  10. Purple Yoda

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    I have kids, and they are the loves of my life.
    A different type of love that is unlike that which you feel for your parents or your partner.
    That being said, parenthood is not for everyone. It is a massive investment; physically, emotionally and financially.
    You worry about them when they're babies, you worry about them as toddlers, you worry (and sorta hate them) as teens, and you worry about them as young adults. My mom worries about me and I'm an old man.
    They are a lifelong investment and alter your life forever. Choose wisely.
    ...and yes, I'd still consider having another one if I was still sexually active with women.
     
  11. caden0803

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    I don't see myself with kids because they're a big responsibility. Don't want that responsibility. I want to spend the rest of my life with as much freedom as possible. Since there's more to learn when it comes to who I am.
     
    #11 caden0803, May 1, 2023
    Last edited: May 1, 2023
  12. chicodeoro

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    Here's my perspective:

    For years, when I was still deeply in denial and assumed I was male, I adopted a stance of 'not liking kids'. I put those words in scare quotes because it was partly for a laugh, to deflect my own true feelings. And at the time I couldn't deal with those feelings, which were...that deep deep down I'd always harboured a primordial longing to be a mum, to become pregnant and carry my own child.

    Of course, being a trans woman in my 50s I've long realised that it's never going to happen. I console myself that I have a stepson (albeit one I'm not yet out to), a god daughter and two cats. But that pain still lurks within the corners of my psyche and I empathise with any cis woman, or indeed anyone, who is in the same boat.

    Beth x
     
  13. Wanderlost

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    I would not be totally against it. So a "maybe" for me.

    Probably this for me too. I mean, I'm not even totally sure I like most kids, but occasionally I find one that seems nice.

    Don't children try to parent the opposite of the way they were raised?

    I don't understand why people feel the need to impose their own way of life and thinking upon others.

    I think this is probably what's going to happen with me. My fence sitting will probably end when I have someone to share my life with, as you have yours. That may not mean children, but I think I would initially seek out a partner who was also open to the idea at least. I'm too young to shut these kinds of doors, so I keep them open.
     
  14. mnguy

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    I'm glad I didn't, but sometimes I feel like I should help kids who need a home. Lots of kids who have/had tragic lives so far and I feel so bad for them as none of them deserved that or asked to be here. Why are people so irresponsible to have a child and then neglect and abuse them? Tragically there will be more with all the abortion restrictions, just like before it became more available. It makes me very sad but I'm not emotionally capable, and to do it alone would be very hard.
     
  15. mnguy

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    Too late to update, but I meant to say that while growing up I thought I'd have a happy, shiny family and they'd love me, want to be like me and do what I say lol. Eventually I realized I was gay and another thing which wouldn't work with a family for me, and it was all very crushing to the fairy tale I had been fed my life up to that point.
     
  16. Colm

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    I have two children and would highly recommend them. They're actually quite cheap and mostly just sleep all the time. They even bury their own poo. Unfortunately they sometimes scratch furniture.
     
  17. Necrose

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    It's a no from me. I have known since I was a teenager in the early 2000's, having to help take care of my two oldest nieces as a student in high school that children are not for me. As it stands now, I barely make enough to take proper care of myself and can do little to none of what I want to do that isn't going straight home after work and gaming to even try to consider children. Add to that, I have things I do not want children to get into and don't get enough sleep as is. Furthermore, I live in a one-bedroom apartment and do not intend to move any time soon. May not be able to take any money or physical possessions when I die, but I can and am taking the family name and bloodline with me.
     
  18. Purple Yoda

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    :smile::smile::smile::smile::smile:
     
  19. AnxiousReader

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    I can see this being me for sure. Do you have kids now?
     
  20. TinyWerewolf

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    I was on the fence, but I do think I want kids. I can't have them biologically, the dysphoria from pregnancy would be awful (the mere thought of me being able to carry one like that makes me physically sick). So I'll adopt hopefully. I do want at least one son, but past that the gender or sex of the child doesn't matter.