Struggling to see way ahead after coming out to wife

I understand ... just had the same type of idea on one of the other posts... "then you must be Bi" .. I think it is just to comprehend what you are saying .. and then distance her self from it.. like it was never said.. I also understand the resource constraints... it leaves a lot to consider if you ever do decide what direction to take.

I was had to put my self in her shoes the other day, and was asked .. as bi, have you thought that her threat level doubled .. previously she only worried that you would go after ladies (jealousy eesh) now you include the lads in the mix .. threat level at 100%.. it made sense.. and her jealousy increase 10 fold... a threat around every corner.. don't know if you are experiencing it?

Would it push a relationship to an edge.. maybe .. verdict is still out on that one ... and yes its true.. only time will tell, for now...

 

Taking it to the edge might be the answer to all this angst. 100%? Well, maybe not. Less than 5% of men are gay, so if you include ALL women (and some are not interested in men!) then available guys....I wouldn't worry about it! If there's a threat it's because you're looking, and wondering, so I don't think 'doubling the targets' is a thing. If I am experiencing a jealous thing from her, it's not greatly visible. I don't think she's too worried. Which is not a good thing from my POV....hmmm. I just spent twenty minutes trying to the suggestions of a website to get the best selfie. I think this is going to take some work haha. and you can guess why I'm doing that.
Anyway, I', just trying to come up with some credible reasons to go to Edinburgh Pride in June. I've never done that before! I have a good camera and some lenses, so I'm thinking that might work. Might give me an excuse to go alone too as I'd just bore any company trying to get shots. What do you think? Working idea?

 

Well I decided to join a support group here in Austin yesterday. First meeting next week. Can’t wait. I have to connect to others and if I don’t put it out there it won’t get out there. This seems like a good option. I’ve decided to put talking to my wife on hold until I’ve got something to say other than, “Hey Honey, guess what, I’m Bisexual and always have been. Thought you would like to know. And oh btw, I’m going to tell others that I’m Bi. Have a good day.” As you all know and like Maldoon says, you are going to put your life through the wringer when you tell her. Seems like a good idea to create support so your not totally alone.

 

Think going to pride would be a great idea. In my case I can sugest taking the kids... mother will want to support,.. so will give that a try. Mmm on my side her jealousy is a huge problem, and also because I am not. Another kettle of fish... anyway.. some times we have to take time for ourselves..

So I think its a great idea to play around with.

 

Me too. Local LGBT cafe. Trouble is getting there without letting on. Like I say, I need someone to talk to. Just talk. Please let us all know how you get on 74?

 

I defiantly will let you know how it goes! Thanks for your support.

 

It seems though having a bit of freedom is a undertone of the situation we found our selves in.

I don't mean it in a negative way.

Talking it through helps us find another way at looking at the situation and trying to connect with like minded others becomes more and more prevalent as time passes. I think this is even more so for those later in life. Its having that contact, maybe having that one person that really gets you. You can't share that part of you with your wife, and for a lot of us I think it that has been that "batman/superman" double life for many years. (we become experts at hiding, my opinion)

I thank that is my goal as well... Finding a place where I can fit in and be myself... no more hiding and no more putting on stupid mask ..

 

So many sad stories. I've read them all. I didn't know that people can be do desperate to marry a woman. But it gives hope for the next generations.

 

Each of our stories and experiences have been shared from a point of view of people who need guidence, support and unferstanding. It may look sad, but for the teller of the story its something vivid and real, and important. By sharing, they allow conversation, and that conversation can lead to understanding, acceptance and eventually growth.

 

Yeah, you're so right W. But back in the day, it was what you did. Openness was impossible in everyday society. One quietly forgot one's personal feelings and put them in a box a threw it in the ocean. Years later, cometh the stories on EC. These days, at least here in Europe, and largely north America, there's so much on Netflix, Amazon, et al that despite myself I can't help watching. I'm reading pulp too. Like B1 said, talking here and doing all that has given me a chance to believe that I can be me, one day, hopefully, open. There are stages and phases to get through and I was so impatient six years ago I almost got thrown onto the street. I got a fantastic post in FB this morning - there are less cherries in that bowl of life than I've already eaten. Each remaining cherry/day must be enjoyed to the full. The next generation will have the benefits of alll those people who got beaten up and killed just trying to be themselves. I, and

 

.....too can begin to believe that might be me. It makes my heart beat faster.

 

Muldoon you nailed it. B1 too. You both have a knack for just the right words at the right time. Thanks y’all for being there. By way of update, things are going well. The more time I spend here the better I feel about the real me. Go out more expressing myself, nut very quietly. Will go to support group next Thursday. Chickened out this wee. I will be there next week rain or shine. Thanks again.

 

I read your story. It is inspiring and gives strength to men who want to live in harmony with themselves. good job.

 

Thanks, Just need to sort my life out now!

 

Bedtimes with a glass or two of wine on board have been strong resolving times for me recently. I'm determined to do something about me this time. Although somehow I don't feel as strongly about it in the morning... haha I realise now that's because I've slept, and haven't had the whole day to think about what to do next and how.
Well. 1. Buy a new wrist strap. Maybe in magenta and blue. Nobody around me will know what it means. But I will. 2. Get to Edinburgh Pride in July. That plan is already underway. 3. Speak out on behalf of LGBT issues (Lord do we have a few of those in the Scottish political climate. 4. Daring. I applied for a volunteer job the other day, and ticked the bisexual box. Woohoo I'm so brave...5. Reading great romance books. 6. Enjoying all the new Netflix YA Romance
All of which is changing my visible skin. I know this and if people have a problem with that, we'll, that's their problem.
When I came out, in a minor way, I was shocked by the casual homophones everywhere. Anyone else notice that.

 

Maldoone.. know the feeling about homophobes.. Was in meeting the other day.. suddenly the boss started making comments .. thought I was going to scream.. but yea.. not out at work... so had to keep my cool.. I think he could pick up my vibe due to my responses.

Anyway ... also pushing for pride this year.. I agree with you..

Watched a couple of good Bi themed movies though ... ;-) sneeked one in last night with the family ... wife got super quiet ... kidies loved it ... so that was a plus point..

 

I am so looking forward the 1st support group meeting Thursday night. I told me wife Sunday night that I was transgender and bisexual. It was not a good time but we got through it. Home is a very cold place right now. Truth is, cold as it ay be, it’s better than because the truth is finally out. Don’t know here the relationship will end up but it will free us both up. Thanks y’all for being there.

 

Part 2. You all are so strong in your convictions and it gives me strength. I am so upset by my close friends who all seem to be terrified of gay and trans folks. Went to coffee with a couple over the weekend who have been good friends for a long time. This coffee shop is one of the places gay and trans folks hang. When we were leaving a young (20’ish) trans person walked by us. She was beautiful. She looked very insecure but she was putting herself out there. Bless her! My friend totally lost it. He said people like that should be sent to some kind of isolated island and kept there. All I could say was, “Hey M, what if you were her? What if life had brought you here in a man’s body and you knew you were meant to be in a woman’s body?” He said, “I’d keep it to myself, I would never change my body and parade myself around like her! She’a a freak!” The best I could do was say. “Sounds like she scares you.” I wanted to tell him so bad that he was looking at another one. So now my task is to come out to my friends. I realized coming out to my friends is as important as telling my wife. Wow…