My Coming Out Story.

I am aware I have been vocal about my sexuality on here but I don’t think I have actually shared my story. So here goes! Just a warning- it could be long haha!

Firstly, my name is Loz and I am 25 year old woman from England and as you may have guessed- i’m a lesbian and very proud of it. It wasn’t plain sailing to get the point i’m at now though. I think I have always known I liked girls, my first memory of finding another girl (that wasn’t a celebrity) attractive was when I was very young and it was my best friend. My first actual crush that I remember was Keira Knightley in the film ‘Bend it Like Beckham’. I just thought my childhood best friend was the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my time I had lived so far, I have a very vivid memory of telling my mum that I thought my best friend had beautiful golden hair and I wished that I could hold her hand. This lasted for a while and then I grew out of it. My whole school life was having crushes on female friends, I can think of two female friends in specific that I was completely in love with and would get extremely jealous when they had a boyfriend but I had no idea that this was because I was in love with them until later in life. I always dreaded getting changed for dance or PE (physical education) at school because I thought all of the girls in there would think I was staring at them so I would just make excuses and get changed in the toilets.. I was still clueless! I would even avoid looking at ladies underwear when I was clothes shopping incase people figured it out so I think on some level I knew. I always had a fascination with lesbian tv/film characters/celebrities and had no idea why until I was about 13 and thought that I must be bisexual. I was constantly doing ‘Am I a lesbian?’ quizzes online but would purposely pick either the straight or bisexual answers for some sort of validation to myself I guess. I actually did one of those quizzes for the first time at around the age of 9 or 10 but just picked the straight answers. Of course this was when the compulsory heterosexuality started and I had my first boyfriend and I was miserable. Everything he did made me uncomfortable- he was such a nice guy but I felt nothing and had no idea why. Then the cycle of choosing guys to be attracted to started, the confusing platonic feelings for romantic feelings, me thinking I liked a guy until he liked me back and then I would freak out and ghost him, all of my fantasies (sexual and romantic) were about women, constantly feeling like I had to have a boyfriend to be what I perceived as normal, feeling dread every time a guy I was dating was affectionate to me or expressed wanting to take things to the next level and the obvious factor I just wasn’t attracted to men and could not see myself getting married to a man and spending a happy life with one but finding many women attractive and could imagine being with them romantically and sexually. Looking back all of my male celebrity ‘crushes’ were extremely feminine but even then I just picked them to be attracted to. I just stopped dating men and didn’t date anyone for years. I still labelled myself as bisexual even though I knew I was a lesbian deep down but just couldn’t accept it. Then I started watching Killing Eve and as soon as I saw Villanelle being openly wlw (I am aware she had a rendezvous with a man in the tv show and was bisexual in the books but in my opinion in the TV show she was clearly a lesbian but everyone is entitled to their own opinion). I had a realisation that I was in fact a lesbian. Not to mention the fact I have a huge crush on Jodie Comer who plays her so I guess she was my lesbian awakening haha! After that I didn’t tell anyone straight away but I started getting even closer with one of my best friends (who is also a lesbian and is now my girlfriend) and we would constantly be flirting and cuddling (and sometimes kissing but we said it was a joke). Every time we got drunk we would get very very affectionate with each other. We are both affectionate people anyway so we just put it down to that. She was the first person I told I was a lesbian. Shortly after that we confessed our feelings to each other and started a relationship in October 2022. She was my first sexual experience with a woman and it was amazing and everything I ever dreamed of. Everyone knows I am a lesbian now. I have experienced a lot of homophobia and had a lot of people not believe i’m a lesbian due to how I dress, my girlfriend has experienced the exact same. I have never been happier sexuality-wise and have no issue at all with being affectionate with my girlfriend in public. It has not been easy getting here but I have fully accepted myself now and will never look back. It turns out everyone knew before me anyway! (family, friends and everyone I went to school with). Here’s to the future you thought you would never have teenage me. You made it.

Sorry that was so long and I may have left some stuff out (I can be a scatterbrain sometimes haha!). I hope everyone is having a great day and you are all worthy of being happy and yourself!

 

I forgot to add- everyone in my life was extremely accepting!

 

Thank you so much! Sorry it took me so long to reply to this. Your comment means a lot. Yes it is amazing to have the support I do but sadly that is not the case for everyone which I think is so unfair.