Deeply in love with my straight best friend that is also my roommate:/

Okay, so my living situation is quite interresting at the time. I am 23 years old, going to university and living in a smal flat with two bedrooms. I live in one of them, and my best friend and her boyfriend live in the other. They are so nice people, and I really like living with them and cooking dinner and playing board games and watching movies in the evening. I have known my best friend for 3,5 years (and had a crush on her about the same time), and she has been together with her boyfriend a little more than 2 years. He is a really nice guy, and we have become good friends these last few years. They are so happy together, and I am convinced that they are going to get married and start a family in a few years. Of course I wish them all the best, and I am very happy for them. The only problem is that I'm still in love with my friend. She is amazing and so kind and beautiful and understanding and sweet (the list goes on!). And seeing her with her boyfriend every single day reminds me that she will never be mine. And not only that! It also reminds me that I will most likely never find the same loving relationship as she has with her boyfriend.

I am actually pretty happy in my own company, but seeing them together all the time makes me crave that same intimacy and committment and happiness. I am trying to tell myself that my life will be good too, even though it may not contain the same elements of marriage and kids as their lives. I am telling myself that I will travel the world, be a great teacher, have lots of plants, and fill my spare time with activities that bring me joy. But I can't help thinking that my life will be a lot more lonely than theirs and that I will have no family at all. I know that this doesn't have to be the case and that it is possible to meet a girl that loves me back and wants to start a family with me. However, this seems so unrealistic at the moment.

Sooo, my questions for you guys are:
Have you experienced something similar? How can I get a more optimistic view on my future life? How can I stop being in love with my best friend? Do you think I should move out? (I don't really know a lot of other people in this city, so these guys are kind of all I have). Or do you have any other thoughts on the subject? I appreciate any replies, really! It would be great just to feel a little less alone. Maybe you can give me some hope for the future?

Thank you so much for reading this! Have a nice day!
Love from Northern Europe <3

 

Thank you a lot for replying.

I think it is nice that you say that I'm young and that everything can happen, and I really appreciate the support!

However, I am not sure I can take your advice on moving out. I don't know how I would explain this to my best friend and her boyfriend, and I really have nowhere else to go. By staying with them I will at least have someone by my side, even though it hurts a bit as well. It is only for two more years anyway. I like to stay optimistic and hope that I can get over her and instead focus on a girl I like in my class who is actually into girls. I have succeeded in this earlier, but my feelings for my best friend always come back even though I'm trying really hard to block out those feelings. Because I know that nothing will ever happen between us, I kinda think that it doesn't count that I like her so much. I don't know if that makes sense. I guess I'm just terrified of loosing her as a friend. I value our friendship more than you can imagine. I am also a very shy and introverted person and have never been in a relationship or even kissed anyone before. It takes a long time for me to trust people enough to build frindehips, and therefore I have to take extra good care of the friendhsips I have. I'm not sure if moving out would help me, even though it i is the right thing to do, objectively speaking

 

It is nice to her that you are still good friends! That gives me hope

That's exactly how I feel about my friend! Thank you for making me feel less alone!

Thanks a lot for saying this! I am trying to not give up although it may feel hopeless at some times.

Thanks for all of your replies! I am sorry that it has taken me a while to write back. I guess I've been avoiding to check this thread because I feared that all of you would tell me to move out, but luckily that was not the case. Things have been a bit different with my best friend these last weeks, and I haven't seen her so much. I'm starting to think that maybe my romantic feelings for her have transformed into just really strong friendship feelings, but it is still a bit early to say. A few days ago, i told her about a girl in my class that I really like and maaay be having a crush on, and it felt god to sharing this with her. She got so excited for me, and encouraged me to reach out to this girl in my class. I think I will try to do that after the Easter holidays, so I can focus on somebody else for a while.

If everything goes the way I hope it will, I will keep loving by best friend in a totally platonic way, (like I've actually managed to do these few weeks, and it feels amazing to not be longing to be with her in a romantic way), and I will keep living with her and her boyfriend, and we will stay friends forever, even though they will go on with their "normal family life" after college, and I will most likely be alone and live far away from them by then. I am trying to not think too much about the future, because it is so overwhelming and scaring, and instead I am trying to live in the moment and be happy when I can. I think that everything will work out fine eventually, but stressing about the future doesn't help.

Thank you all for your kind replies and for making me feel less alone <3 I'm sorry that I am not taking your advices on moving out. It just doesn't feel right given the situation. It is hard to explain, but I have to follow my heart, and I think that moving out will cause more harm than good. At least for now. Maybe I will reconsider it if the situation changes.

Thanks a lot for reading this! It means so much to me to know that I'm not alone<3
Have a good weekend!