Grateful to be here =] Needing help with courage to start dating women seriously as that is my preference. I'd thought I was bi for quite some time, but I seemed to always have a 4-month to year-long boyfriend due to how easy it seemed to be to find one (was one of those afraid to be alone). I've always made friends with men more easily, so when it came to dating, it seemed dating men was easier than making non-male friends! I kept it to deep crushes on women, too afraid to switch up my dating pool. The story of my first intimate connection with another woman is.... real out there. I feel it could be a novel. Only a little romantic and largely just plain strange. If you were to read the story, it'd be a page turner, but I'd be totally embarrassed if you knew I was the main character, even if my profile name is all you'd know about me. Let's just say... my brain popped (partially due to a triggered C-PTSD reaction) and I didn't think I was in reality one day. I randomly bumped into an old friend a couple blocks from my house, decided to walk together, and then we bumped into another one of her friends a few blocks further. I was so in awe about her. Felt like fate. Now... normally I would NOT have the courage to show this woman all my colors, but, my brain was unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately?) on another planet that day. We spent the whole day and night together. I'll spare the romantic details although I'd love to actually write it as part of a real novel. Due to my mental health, I had to go home out of state immediately to family where it took awhile to get back to a state of normalcy. We fell away from each other, and I said some things that were really weird due to not being mentally okay yet, and I'm pretty devastated. I suffered a few months' worth of sexual assault delusions due to my own past. It was more frightening than I can say. My life before and after is drastically different. Since then, I do not feel attracted to men. I keep going on first and second dates with men that ask me out in public because I don't have tons of friends where I'm at and wondering if it's all just because they're "not the right one". I still consider myself bisexual as I'm not sure if this is just until I heal/get out of my funk or if I am suddenly lesbian, but I sure feel really different. I've been intimate with two men since meeting her and felt truly nothing, almost just sick. I thought that totally adapting the natural earthy look and ditching makeup for the most part would keep men from asking me out, but if anything, it's only been happening more often (wish I'd known that during the years I got all sorts of dolled up for attention). I want to stop dating them, but then I'd have literally no social plans. Let me just say I don't use them - things are no longer getting past the hugs without me talking about this. Hoping for some encouragement/words of advice on how to gain the courage to stop dating men and to start dating women. I get scared because it seems many women on dating apps and such say it's important to them to be with a woman that's been in a relationship with another woman before, and I haven't. I don't drink alcohol for the most part, so "liquid encouragement" isn't really an option. Honestly? I thank mother earth for that... I'd want my advances to be courageous, healthy, and genuine. So, like... where the heck do you meet women in a non-bar setting? What do you say? Dating apps haven't been working for this either.
Hello @BirdyTwigs, and welcome to EC. It's hard to say whether you're bisexual or lesbian for certain, because you're right: you could be going through something of a funk, in which your interest in men has dipped severely to allow room for your attraction to women (many of us call this the bi-cycle, and it's not uncommon to go through this intense shift after coming out/finally exploring the same-sex aspect), or it could be that your attraction to men wasn't genuine, and now that you've awakened, you can't return to the heteronormativity that made you think otherwise. But as I said, I nor anyone else can say for certain which is the case for you: that, unfortunately, is something you're going to have to work out on your own. That said, we're happy to have you and happy to help you figure things out in whatever way we can. As for finding someone outside of bars and dating apps--maybe try checking out local events, particularly those that fit your interests. Or maybe look into LGBT support groups in your area; some of them are likely to have the resources you need to help get yourself out there. I hope you like it here, and feel free to peruse the forums whenever you're ready.
BirdyTwigs.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Sexual Orientation”, there are people there who have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. *****When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can send me a Private Message. .....David
