The other day, while I was in the car with my daughter, she was talking about a kid at school who dad was gay. She didn’t say anything bad but just that she wouldn’t like that it that happened to her. So hypothetically asked her, well what if it was me? What if I loved a woman? She laughed but she said it was devastate her and that she would be really mad at me if something like that ever happened. I am not actively trying to come out or wanting to end my marriage to my husband but it weighed on me for the future if I ever did decide to go that route. Those of you who came out later in life and had children already, how did they react when you chose to come out or got involved in your first gay relationship?
I'm sorry that was her response. I don't have kids but I was a kid once and remember a lot from it, stuff that was not helpful for self actualization. This is actually something I wondered about, whether gay parents would be able to teach their kids to be accepting, to override the toxic messages they get at school and elsewhere. I thought kids would be more accepting by now and am surprised with her reply. Is it bc TN she learned that? I hope that kid and the gay dad are not abused, or anyone of course. Hang in there.
I don't have kids, so I cannot answer your main question unfortunately. My assumption is that younger kids are probably able to access empathy more easily than adults. On the flip side, I also believe they are very sensitive to norms and especially routines. (I know I was!) I think follow up questions would be really helpful in this instance, questions like, "Well, why would you be mad?" Specifically. It forces them to think. I have a hunch that it's probably NOT the gay thing, per se, but probably fears about change, abandonment.. that sort of thing. I think that can be talked about separately and help lay a solid foundation for guiding your child if you do undertake any life changes in the future. Again, this is all just a hunch, but regardless of anyone's situation, I think having these kinds of discussions regularly can help the next generation, help the whole world.
I'm not a parent, but I have a younger sister. From her I understood that children understand much better than adults believe, as well as being more empathetic.
I'm sorry to hear she felt that way. How old is your daughter, if I might ask? Perhaps it's just her age right now, or maybe she's afraid that if you came out, it would mean her whole life changing as she knows it. If you ever do come out to her, I hope she'll take it well and understand that you're still her mother, and that it changes nothing about the relationship you share with her. My daughter took it well: when I came out to her, it was because she had strongly indicated an interest in both girls and boys, and I wanted her to know that that was okay; she would always have the love and support of her parents, because I share her inclinations. Since then, it's something we've been able to bond over and commiserate with (especially when looking at bisexual-specific obstacles).
