I'm not sure if I should come out to my family. I've been thinking about coming out to my family for a while but not sure if I should. I'm pretty close to my family but I'm worried about them reactioning badly to me telling them that I'm gay. I've been out my friends for years, and I feel like should be open, and honest with my family about who I really am. I feel like the time is right to tell them but at the same time I'm worried about ruining the closeness I have with my family. I'm just not sure what I want to do. I need some advice on this.
Hello, @Broken Mask94. I'm not sure if I can be of help, but I'll certainly try. Firstly, are you financially independent of your parents? Do you have your own living accommodations? If so, you're in a good position to be honest with them, as you won't have to worry about them kicking you out/cutting you off. That is the most important first step inn deciding whether to come out or not. The next thing to be certain of is whether you're ready to come out: it sounds to me like you are and that you're just suffering nerves, but there could be some justifiable reasons for that. Have your parents or any other family members you're thinking of telling ever expressed homophobic opinions, or anything that appeared as such? Basically, the idea is to reflect on whether your fears are based on events, or based on intangible worries; if they've given you reason to expect poor reactions, then you can of course wait/choose not to tell them. If they haven't, you can always gauge their feelings/attitudes towards gay people through conversation--think current events, entertainment (such as recommending a book or movie), or what-have-you. At the end of the day, the how, when, or whether you come out at all are entirely up to you. I will say though, that holding on to a secret like that for a long time, especially regarding people you're close to can have negative effects--on your mental health and perhaps physically as well. It can also create feelings of hurt and resentment in those you've yet to confide in, though it's not your fault nor are you obligated to tell them anything until you're ready to, or if you ever want to. This information is not something you owe anyone, but it is something that can alleviate a great deal of stress if you share it. Take some time to decide what you want to do/how you want to do it. There is no right or wrong way to come out, but there are methods that work better, depending on the individuals involved and the timing. I hope, if/when you come out, your family proves to be supportive.
I'm financially independent, and I live separately from my family so I'm good in that respect if they aren't supportive. I feel like it's mostly my nerves stopping me from coming out to my family but I know that if I did come out to them my family would probably be accepting of me. My family is pretty open minded. I'm just probably worried about nothing, but I'm going to take some more time before I decide if I want to come out to my family. Thank you for responding to me.
No trouble at all! I completely understanding; even coming out to the most supportive people can be a nerve-wracking experience, because even when the reception is positive, it's still a big change. Take as much time as you need and when you're ready, I hope the reaction is a positive one.
Sounds like you are in a good place to come out to them but ultimately it's all up to you. What benefit is there for you to come out to them? What harm is done by not?
Broken Mask.....You might want to consider using a letter when the time comes to tell your family. A big plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a very big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can sometimes be difficult. Coming out in writing means you will not be interrupted or face a barrage of questions that you need to answer immediately, in the heat of the moment. You get time and they get time too and that counts for a lot. It gives the people reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had time to think about your sexuality, perhaps for years…giving them at least some time to think about it too only seems fair! There are some great sample coming out letters here on Empty Closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking time to think about it and to write one will help you to be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! You can then use the letter as a "script" for when you do come out face-to-face. Check out the letters (see below)...they could be a real help! *****Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, your family will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're gay?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc. The questions themselves will vary a great deal dependent upon your family...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of five or six probable questions with the answers already planned, you will likely be perceived as a more mature, serious person. *****COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php *****Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you! .....David
It is scary. I had to tell my parents, my wife, and my kids. It was one of the best things I ever did. Just don't wait until you're pushing 50, like me.
This is good advice. I waited until I was 48 to come out. Took 7 more years to realize Bi wasn't the right definition. Then again, if I had come out in the 80's when I would likely have been just another AIDS victim. The closet and my own shame and fear likely saved my life in a way.
I've come out to both my sisters but I haven't come out the rest of my family yet. I'm going to wait a little longer before I tell the rest of my family. My both of my sisters are supportive of me so at least I know that my sisters have my back still.
It’s your journey and your decision. Only do it when you are completely ready to. Your journey is a marathon not a sprint. Don’t be pushed by outside forces to come out. Do it on your terms and whenever you feel it’s the right moment.
