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Cis gender…Or nah?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Omnis Leevene, Sep 3, 2022.

?

Am I cis-gender?

  1. Cis

    5 vote(s)
    50.0%
  2. Transgender

    1 vote(s)
    10.0%
  3. Genderfluid

    2 vote(s)
    20.0%
  4. Bigender/pangender

    1 vote(s)
    10.0%
  5. Agender

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  6. Tomboy

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  7. Non-binary/non-conforming

    1 vote(s)
    10.0%
  1. Omnis Leevene

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    I am female assigned at birth, and I have been confused of my gender identity for a long time. I am okay living as female, and I identify myself as cis gender, but I am not always sure that I am cis.
    In my childhood I had made friends with both boys and girls. Some adults joked that I should be born a boy instead of a girl. Occasionally I thought that perhaps they’re right, but usually I just laughed it off.
    After I got into puberty I researched more about the lgbtq+ community. I did some gender identity quiz and I often got genderfluid or bigender. I guess it is partially because I don’t want to give up, or at least fully given up my female identity.
    Somehow, I find myself having a more masculine voice than other girls that people often call me he/him/mister for this, but I like them calling me he/him. I also like masculine clothes, masculine names and etc. Plus, I just don’t like people calling me ‘pretty’ or other feminine adjectives that describe me, yet I do not feel that I am born into the wrong body and I do not plan to do any surgery, so that is why I think am cis. I wonder is this more of a gender expression thing than a gender identity thing, since there are also stereotypical issues there.
    Also, given that I am female assigned at birth, I currently identify myself as a lesbian or bisexual with a female preference as I am more attracted to girls than boys.
     
  2. Ebony

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    There is nothing anyone can say to answer this you are the only one who can figure this out
    Ps don’t trust does gender quiz
     
  3. Mihael

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    How would you describe your gender to others so that you would feel understood? Do you feel like it's because you're a guy or more to the masculine side that you are the way you are? Or is it because you're in the middle or gender fluid? Or is it just that you might not be the stereotypical girl, but it matters to you to be recognised as such or maybe it doesn't matter to you, but you know you're a girl inside, even if you might not look that way?

    How would you feel about gender if you were born AMAB? Would you give it thought and would you be different from other men or would you feel like... you're just a guy like every other?
     
  4. quebec

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    Omnis Leevene.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) :old_big_grin: when that becomes necessary!

    *****As others have mentioned tests and quizzes are essentially useless when it comes to understanding your sexuality and/or orientation. It may simply require more time for the answer to your questions to become clear to you. It's not at all unusual for someone to not really understand their orientation until they are older. Some of us know that we are not straight and what it means very early. Others, for some strange reason just don't understand those feelings and what they mean or how to deal with them until later. I really do think that as you move into your later teens and early twenties it will become obvious to you where you fit in the LGBTQ Family! :old_smile:

    *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. In particular you may want to check out the forums that are titled "Gender Identity and Expression” and "Sexual Orientation" there are people there who have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you.

    *****When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: :old_cool:

    *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership.

    *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! :old_rolleyes: If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message.

    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #4 quebec, Sep 3, 2022
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2022
  5. Omnis Leevene

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    I don’t really know. I grew up being not very girly and not very sensitive about my gender. Often I feel more male, but the other times I feel more female, which gender fluid somewhat describes me. However, to be honest, I either feel more male or female, unlike those who are gender fluid who can feel multiple genders. Besides, I definitely feel some discomfort about my own gender, though I can tolerate living under my gender assigned at birth since being female is not all bad.

    Nonetheless, I genuinely hope that I am cis as there are many difficulties transgender people and non-binary people face. I grew up being a very eccentric person, and I do not want to be more eccentric anyways.
     
  6. Mihael

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    Maybe bigender then? Or bigender gender fluid? Or there are many terms that I can't remember off the bat. You could research nonbinary gender identities and see which suits you best. Or a combination of which?

    The difficult part about gender fluidity is for many people that on some days you feel off with your assigned gender but if you transitioned, that would feel off on other days.

    Nothing is worse than being in denial and in the closet, seriously. And it's not that bad to be trans. People care about it less than it looks like when you're not out. Fear has huge eyes (it's a saying).
     
  7. Omnis Leevene

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    Maybe I am one of the non-binary gender? If I have to choose between gender fluid and bigender, then I think the chance of me being bigender will probably be higher. I considered ‘they/them’ and neopronouns to be very nice and friendly, though I think it’s a sort of, unnatural if I use them (Well, I am not trying to be offensive, yet if I put my foot in it please forgive me).

    The thing is that I am not that kind of person who wakes up one day and finds that their gender changes… I usually feel more male when I am in solitude, but when it comes to socializing with people I know (and especially people of my age), I often feel more female. Partially because of me being more familiar with talking to female, as in the beginning of puberty adolescents only make friends of the same sex. Moreover, nobody treats me like male/non-binary gender in real life and I don’t dare to talk about my preference for masculine pronouns and etc since it has also got to do with my current circumstances.
     
  8. Omnis Leevene

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    I didn’t start questioning my gender identity until I was about 13 or 14, spending time fantasizing my future self in the opposite sex, though I did show that I have a brain of the opposite gender. Despite this I don’t get along with people with the opposite sex, but socializing with those of the same sex for me is just as bad, and it’s probably because of non-trans reasons. My conversational skill is like male’s, yet most people of the opposite sex tend to be either the athletic type or the gossip type, while I am a kind of, the brainy or boring type, like Sheldon or Sherlock from BBC.

    When I first searched about transgender, it said it was very rare among people, who were very uncomfortable with their biological sex. They worried about a man or a woman trapped inside their body. Since it didn’t mention ftx and I was not that uncomfortable about my body then I guessed I am cisgender. I didn’t understand why would I have such crazy thought about being the opposite sex at the time, so I tried not to think about it as hard as I could for some time. I mean, if I can still live my life as female to a tolerable extend and nobody finds out, does this mean that I am still cisgender?
     
  9. Omnis Leevene

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    Well, it’s not always true to say that ‘I do not feel any discomfort about my body’, as I have previously said. To be honest, I don’t like having too much fat in my body. I like looking at other women’s body shapes, however, I don’t want myself being looked at (seriously). I am easily tired out in physical activities and other stuffs too, I just wish that I have more energy and strength to do things. Nevertheless, it’s not fully because of my sex.

    Also, I respect transgender and non-binary people. I can accept anyone, even my child (if I have one) coming out as trans or etc, but when it comes to myself, I am a sort of…I mean, I grew up in a fairly traditional place, and there aren’t many people I know who come from the lgbtq+ community, and my parents…Can’t tell whether they are transphobic or not. Furthermore, I think it takes time to explore my gender identity. Maybe I am thinking about it too much? There is certainly a difference between firmly believing in that you are not your ASAB and you think that you are your ASAB though you dislike it for non-trans reasons. Undeniably, one can be misled by stereotypes, and by consuming too much lgbtq+ media.
     
  10. Omnis Leevene

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    Well I am not that kind of person who would die living as my ASAB for the entire life…
     
  11. Mihael

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    The question is not what you can tolerate, but what would make you feel good

    But does that phenomenon exist at all? I mean, it's not healthy to not have a life beyond trans issues and never take a break from it, I recall a story told by a detransitioner on youtube how being isolated from peers led her to believe that her being gender non-conforming means she needs to transtion to male physically and how taking a gap year and having a job that had to do with horses and having better relationships with others and spending time outdoors made her feel a lot calmer and confident, so also like her body is okay. But that's the only situation I can think of - people can become a lot more depressed and view themselves in a more negative light *and* spend whole days on the internet (media consumption) if they have a lot of problems, emotionally unhealthy environment etc.

    Of course not. Same as being bisexual and out only to yourself and dating an opposote sex partner doesn't make you straight. You don't have the obligation to come out if you believe that it might be unsafe or you may face unpleasant reactions. You don't owe anyone that.
    Hm. It's okay, there are guys who are like that.

    Oh, I remember now, there was also a nonbinary gender identity called androgyne, which means that you are a mix of male and female.

    A lot of nonbinary people go with he or she pronouns.

    That could mean a few different things. You could be a girl in the social setting and relate better to women. Or you could be a guy and find it easier to socialise with girls due to upbringing and the way you pass in society. Or any combination thereof.
     
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  12. Omnis Leevene

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    I will think about being androgynous. Genderfluidity, bigender…

    Recently someone I know came out as ftm trans, which brought up my gender identity again.

    The thing is that do you have to have gender dysphoria to be trans? I heard that binary transgender really has bad dysphoria. Occasionally I think I want to have, or it will be interesting if I have male genitalia, but I just want to make sure that I am not just fantasizing about being the opposite sex, or simply driven by curiosity, which would be horrible, since it’s only about which gender do I think I am.

    I am not figuring out my gender identity in a rush anyway. Perhaps I can get to know my gender identity better later on, when and where not too many people can bother me anymore.
     
  13. Mihael

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    Well, maybe it's being said the wrong way round. And in an invalidating manner.

    Especially when it comes to taking medical steps, there are risks associated with them. If the discomfort someone experiences about a certain aspect of their body is mild, the risks outweigh the benefits. So it's not like you can't be trans and not have really severe dysphoria (tbh I though I don't have it at all, but it turned out to be true after all, because others told me that if I don't have something really severe going on, it doesn't count, so I yet have to meet a trans person without any dysphoria *at all*), it's just that you're not motivated enough to undertake certain steps. Not everyone's life is the same too, and it impacts the intensity of dysphoria. I know a few trans people who work online or see few people on a dialy basis, so they don't need to look a certain way to be gendered correctly.
     
  14. Rayland

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    Dysphoria is not a requirement to be transgender. It's all how you feel about it yourself. I know transgender people who have no dysphoria or have very little of it.

    Also people can feel dysphoria differently. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and can feel it even physically.

    Edit: wanted to add that instead of dysphoria some people feel gender euphoria, what was the case at first for me. In the beginning I didn't even know what gender dysphoria was and didn't really feel it and that feeling came later after I had confirmed it. I felt incredible euphoria, when imagining myself as a guy. It was like all the fog disappeared. Euphoria is like this happiness and excitement.
     
    #14 Rayland, Sep 20, 2022
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2022
  15. Kassydilla

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    In my own experience (30 y/o, amab) I used to think the dysphoria had to be extreme and obvious from a very young age to be considered trans but I was misinformed and uneducated. I never even considered any possibility that I could be trans before this year.

    In my case I had very subtle signs of mild dysphoria, things that I thought were disguised as something unrelated. Things like avoiding looking in the mirror and never liking the way I look or looking at my pictures that made me feel gross, even if I had what I’d consider the ideal male body I know I’d feel the same way. Every time I thought of myself I always saw a girl in my mind and it never made sense. I always thought it was low self esteem and low self image or body dysphoria but as soon I put my face into a gender swap I liked the way I looked for the first time ever. I used to even say I never felt like a man or masculine even to my mother and it never made sense so I could never explain why.

    I always had interest in wearing what my female peers wore as early as the age of 8 at least but likely earlier. In private I tried on a pair of tights and flat shoes (too big) where I had a rush of euphoria and wanted to continue in public but knew I couldn’t so I got really envious. I never felt entirely comfortable in boy clothing and tried to imitate the girls if at all possible. Nobody ever noticed so I was never viewed as a feminine boy nor has that felt correct. I vividly remember looking down at my genitals and questioning if I was truly a little boy because I wasn’t sure. I thought maybe I just had a kink for cross dressing or just strong curiosity of what it was like to be the other gender and that it may pass or subside eventually. (spoiler: it never did)

    Going through puberty didn’t bother me a whole lot as it does for many trans people. The only thing I never liked was my leg hair, it always repulsed me to the point where I haven’t worn shorts since and longer socks to cover it up further. I hated shaving frequently and facial hair was tolerable enough where I was ok letting it grow out even though I preferred not having any.

    I only started to consider I was trans or non-binary when I started watching LGBTQ content on YouTube. There were some other people whom had similar experiences to me and everything started to click. My feelings were valid and not something cis people ever experienced. Although I still have my doubts. I don’t have an official diagnosis atm but therapy is something I’ve increasingly looked into lately. Sorry for the huge wall of text of my life story but I hope it helps even in the slightest. :girl:
     
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  16. Omnis Leevene

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    Oh, very interesting! I have never heard of the term “gender euphoria” before.
    However, there’s a similar question: Do people have to have gender euphoria to be transgender? I kind of understand why I feel happy when I am referred to the opposite sex’s pronouns and etc.
     
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  17. Omnis Leevene

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    (when I say “gender euphoria” I mean being referred to as the opposite of sex assigned at birth or non-binary gender)
     
  18. Rayland

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    If you identify as transgender, then the only thing that matters is that your gender does not match with your birth gender. The same way as you don't need gender dysphoria to be trans, you don't need gender euphoria either. Gender euphoria can manifest itself in different ways, like for example having people use your correct pronouns or name. Wearing gender affirming clothes or even someone just calling you a guy, what has happened to me once and it felt very good.

    Maybe my story can be helpful too somehow.

    I am biologically female. I came out to myself at my 30th birthday. It has been almost a year. I have known I was different since kindergarten, but I didn't know how to put these feelings into words and feared peoples reaction, if I acted differently, so I stayed in denial. I stayed in this box society had formed.
    When I came out to myself it all hit me pretty hard. I was terrified, because when I looked into mirror, then I saw my true self stuck inside my female shell. My body had became a prison to me. I was shaking inside and I cried a lot. I started doing research online to give these feelings a name and then I discovered EC. By talking others and reading other peoples stories made me trace all of my experiences way back to kindergarten and it felt like all the puzzle pieces fell into place. The me who was lost had gained an identity. The fog was lifted and I experienced euphoria, like I had never experienced before. There has been lots of doubting too. At the beginning I tried to deny all of it again, because of my environment. My country is conservative and people here value traditional beliefs. My own father is a homophobe too. Because of it all I haven't felt safe to come out yet. I have told my best friend and luckily she was fine with it. I told her through email and that took a lot of courage. It all has given me pretty bad depression and anxiety. I am seeing a psychiatrist regularly and am on medication that helps with my anxiety and panic attacks. I also get dysphoria and it makes me very emotional, so I just try to distract myself. I do have plans of coming out eventually, but first I need to let go all of my fears.
     
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  19. Ebony

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    The way I fell gender euphoria is usually is about my clothes whenever I where skirt or stuff like that also when I where a bra god that feels so good
     
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  20. chicodeoro

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    I'd just like to echo Rayland's story, adding of course that I'm M2F..

    Same thing really. I'd always felt different and, I think, always known deep down inside. It took me until I was 50 to face up to myself. Until then I had no idea what gender dysphoria or euphoria was. But once I did, boy I knew! In the early days it was excruciating. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night, sobbing from what I could feel between my legs.

    Conversely, the euphoria was, initially, immense. The first few times someone called me by my name...it was like I had 'come home'. I'd look in the mirror and I couldn't stop smiling! Big big grins and a warm warm fuzzy feeling. Also...a sense that at last I could relax - I didn't have to try and keep up the pretence that I'm male.

    It's been over two years now but I still get that warm fuzzy feeling when I hear someone use my pronouns or my name.

    Essentially, what I'm saying is that once you experience it for real, you'll know!

    Hope this helps,

    Beth x
     
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