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Unable to use bisexual as my sexuality

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by CoffeeMug, Sep 10, 2022.

  1. CoffeeMug

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    Was told by others that I'm not bi, I'm pan, but I don't like being called pansexual as it doesn't really work for me. Bisexual seems to not either from what it looks like. I just kind of like people of any sex, gender doesn't affect it. It's more biology based for me, I got body types I like but I really am attracted to people of any sex, male, female, or intersex. I never consider gender as a determining factor in who I like.

    I also have hypersexuality and, at the same time, and repulsed by sex and intimacy. So I have a high sex drive, wish to have sex, but I immediately get turned off the moment someone wants to be intimate with me. So I am constantly pent up and sad.

    What am I?
     
  2. Chiroptera

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    If you say you are bi, then you are bi. Others can't dictate what label you are going to use, so don't worry about them. :slight_smile:
     
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  3. Rayland

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    Also you don't even need any labels at all. I also thought pan would be suitable, but it didn't feel right, later I discovered polysexuality and haven't been questioning it anymore at all. Just feels like me. No one can tell you who you are.
     
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  4. CoffeeMug

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    Thank you, I guess I just don't feel right using it anymore because it has caused issues in the past.
     
  5. CoffeeMug

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    I need labels sadly, not having the ability to explain who I am causes a lot of problems and it makes me unable to feel like I belong. But I know not everyone needs them, and I wish I was like that personally.

    But yeah, I don't feel right using bisexual anymore. Just a lot of people being mad at me when I do.
     
  6. Rayland

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    Then I think maybe polysexual would be a good label to use for you. I get attracted to everyone, but just know, that there are certain gender, what I just haven't felt attraction towards, so can't say I'm bi or pan either. I also think love goes beyond gender and that's how I have always seen it. It's also said that it is a good label to use, if you aren't sure of yourself.

    I also get the feeling of not belonging and I think that's quite common, at least I've heard that a lot of people feel like this often. It's especially strong feeling, when I'm surrounded by people. So I totally understand the need to belong somewhere and why you wish to use labels.
     
  7. CoffeeMug

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    Polysexual involves attraction to gender, and gender doesn't play a role for me. It's all literally biology for me in terms of attraction, like I'm more into attraction of any sex and gender plays no role in it for me.

    Sorry, I bother you, I bother everyone. You have a lot of stuff to do and I don't want to waste your time. I'm sorry.
     
  8. Rayland

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    You're not bothering me. If I wouldn't have time, then I wouldn't respond to the thread at all. Sexual orientation refers to a person’s emotional and sexual attraction to a particular sex. Pansexual means attraction to all genders and bisexuality means attraction to men, women or more than one genders. It's all connected to gender, so I don't know what to tell you here.
     
  9. Chip

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    I had a friend named Blake who, when asked his sexuality, simply said ‘my sexuality is Blake’.

    you can use any label you want. If bisexual works for you, then it’s yours to use. Or you can use no label at all.
     
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  10. BiGemini87

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    Hey, @CoffeeMug. It's not up to anyone else to tell you what label you can and cannot use. I understand feeling uncomfortable using bisexual when people get upset about it, but those people are wrong; there is nothing wrong with the label, and if they tell you there is because of some nonsense about it excluding people, 1) Sexual orientation and attraction are meant to be exclusive--it's how we weed out potential partners from those who don't match our needs/wants, and 2) It does not automatically exclude people using other gender identities/those transitioning. Bisexuality, like other sexual orientations, is based on sex and sex characters (primary and secondary). That's why it's called "SEXual orientation". Bisexuality, however, has the advantage (or curse, depending on how you view it) of being more flexible, in that being attracted to both sexes allows for a potentially wider dating pool. It varies from one bisexual to another; some have tighter standards and others are receptive to almost anything and anyone. Neither example is "doing bisexuality wrong"--they're merely experiencing it in different ways.

    I digress: you have nothing to be ashamed of, whatever label you choose (or whether you use one at all). But whatever you choose, be sure it's what you want, not what you feel obligated to use/not use.
     
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  11. CoffeeMug

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    I just unfortunately feel uncomfortable using bisexual because it always ends up as an argument. I just don't belong in that group it seems. But there's no sexuality for being attracted to either sex without gender playing a role in it. I just don't belong.
     
  12. CoffeeMug

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    I'm sorry, it's just gender doesn't relate to me in terms of attraction. It's just sex for me, body types, etc. So I don't belong in that umbrella at all or any umbrella. I honestly just want to be normal at this point.
     
  13. Aeolia

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    maybe just say you're "into anyone as long as they look good to you". A tad long but still shorter than saying you're bi or pan and spending the next 30 minutes arguing about what bi and pan mean.
     
  14. CoffeeMug

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    People begin labeling me as pan if I don't use a label, and it becomes an argument shortly afterwards. I'm sorry I really can't describe my sexuality without it being immediately mislabeled.
     
  15. Mihael

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    I think many people experience attraction based on how someone's body looks like. Me included.
    It doesn't work for me either, even though I'm attracted to non-binary and binary trans people. My sexual attraction is to women and attraction to men at the same time and obviously people in between can be attractive for me, but it's not like gender of sex has no meaning for me, if you know what I mean.

    What has helped me recently with others trying to tell me what to do (salespeople try to persuade me into buying size S clothes and too small number of shoes, and I physically can't squeeze into them, because even though I'm AFAB, I'm a bit larger than the average AFAB person) is to not get caught up in the discussion and repeat calmly the same thing over and over or to pretend that I didn't hear the suggestion if I can do so and not seem rude.
     
  16. CoffeeMug

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    I absolutely understand why it works for you, it just doesn't work for me. People tend to say worse and worse things to me, and then my depression spikes and I become self destructive in the end. So I can't do that. Also I think the way I worded my original post is wrong, sorry for the miscommunication. I'm not pan, but people say and demand that I am because my definition for bisexual fits more pan than bi.

    Sorry for the issue on my end. I kind of fully gave up trying to find anything that sounds like what my sexuality is, according to anything I can find it just isn't real and doesn't exist. So it's alright, I'm not a good person.
     
  17. Chip

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    So... why does anyone else's perception matter? You are you. If you define yourself as bisexual, you are bisexual.

    Nobody else has the right to impose their belief about what you are or are not on you.

    Anyone who did that would not be someone I'd want to spend time with.
     
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  18. Mihael

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    Same. I would take time and effort to get rid of this person from my life if they said worse and worse things to me as we discuss something I experience and made me feel depressed as a result.

    Are you talking about family members? Maybe there is a way to figure out how to not meet them as often or set better boundaries with them?
     
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  19. Sailor2000

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    In a world without universally accepted definitions of “labels” for sexuality, anything one chooses for oneself is open to misunderstanding by others who define the term differently than you. I choose bi for myself as it is simple and to me conveys the broad concept of not being limited to one sex for partners. I really don’t worry about what someone else defines it as.
     
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