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Gender dysphoria

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Rayland, Sep 13, 2022.

  1. Rayland

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    I feel like my gender dysphoria is getting worse. Usually it just lasts a few days, but this time it has been going on for two weeks. It makes me feel depressed, moody and easily irritable and added anxiety to the mix, that makes me feel bad for getting irritable is just awful. I don't think I'm coping very well with it all and feel like that soon I will snap. I tend to ignore these things in order to cope, like I've been in denial about it all at least 25 years. I remember instances in certain time periods in my life, that these feelings of something being off with me surfaced and I didn't get deep into it and didn't analyze myself. I just showed them deep inside. I've been told, that I should try and name my dysphoria, but it's hard for me to describe it all. It's like my whole being is giving me dysphoria. I feel very uncomfortable with myself and it's like my insides are getting tighter (I've been to doctors and doing analyzes in order to see, if anything is wrong with my health, but so far nothing has showed any anomalies, so it must be dysphoria) and don't know how to handle with myself or what I should be doing do make it go away and this is why I sometimes take painkillers in hopes that it would help me somehow. I wanted to get it off my chest. I was having bad thoughts again because of it all. I'm hoping that talking about it would help a little and even writing it down makes me all emotional, so I'm not doing very well.
     
  2. Jinkies

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    Without going too much into the nitty-gritty, I'm wondering here if you're able to make any steps toward some sort of transition, even if it's just a social transition. I don't think ignoring it and merely relying on painkillers to address it will do you much good. I would imagine you've at least thought about that already, so I definitely think that would be a next step.
     
    #2 Jinkies, Sep 13, 2022
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2022
  3. Rayland

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    I think about transitioning a lot. I have set myself goals to get there. I wouldn't have right now funds to transition anyway and this is also something I'm working towards.

    I'm scared of opinions of other people and don't know how to overcome that. I do feel like I should at least be making small steps towards transitioning socially, even if it's something unnoticeable to others for now, but getting started is something I struggle with. I feel like I need a push from someone or something to get me started.

    I'm probably going to cut my hair again, since it's getting too long and should be thinking about how to dress more manlier. I struggle with finding manlier clothes, that I would like or I try to find such clothes that wouldn't make others say that I look manlier. My fathers occasional comments on how I should dress more feminine has been affecting me.

    Ignoring it really don't do me any good.
     
  4. chicodeoro

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    Rayland, you have my sympathy. I can definitely relate to this.

    Like you I'm half in half out of the closet. I have to spend long periods of time dressed as someone I'm not any more and whilst about a year ago I thought I could cope with that, I'm finding that my patience is wearing thin and my dysphoria is getting worse. I don't feel it physically like you, it's just like a rising tide of sh**iness that gets progressively worse the longer I'm not being me.

    Being around friends whom I'm out to and fellow LGTBQ people does help. And saying to myself 'this isn't forever'. That's the best I can advise.

    Dysphoria sucks. It's horrible.

    Sending out big hugs to you,

    Beth xx
     
  5. JayeJJimenez

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    Frakking hell, THIS! I'm going through this myself and it sucks like hell. The dysphoria is real and it's a frakking mess! UGH!
     
  6. Rayland

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    @chicodeoro thank you Beth. Hugs to your way too. Dysphoria is absolutely awful. I tried to bottle my feelings again, so lesson learned. Talking like this definetly helps a lot

    @JayeJJimenez Sorry that you as well are going through this. I know it sucks so much. Hugs your way too.

    Anyone who feel like dysphoria gets too much, then feel free to use this thread to talk about it. I feel better now that I got to talk about it and knowing that I'm not the only one going through this.
     
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  7. BiGemini87

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    I'm so sorry you're going through this, Rayland. I'm sure your father isn't helping matters, as I recall from a previous thread. Even if you were a cis female, his comments would be off-putting and presumptuous--there is no right or wrong way to dress regarding one's sex or gender; but while dealing with gender dysphoria? I can only imagine the turmoil it's been causing you.

    I wish I had some cure-all solution for you, but all I can say is: take it one day at a time. Whenever you're having a rough day, don't be afraid to reach out here: even staff members need help/support, and though I can't offer much, I'll gladly listen if you ever need to vent.
     
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  8. Rayland

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    Thank you. I really appreciate and will be reaching out more. Sometimes everything does just gets really though. Withouth EC, there would be really no place for me, where I can vent like this. I'm more comfortable here. In other places I get really anxious about venting, since I don't wish to bother anybody, because people are in tough situatsions themselves.

    My fathers comments are off putting for me too. I doubt though that it's because he senses anything is being wrong with me. It makes me doubt, since I do like sometimes wear skirts and cute clothing and none of it is helping. I do know that piece of fabric don't define who I am. It's just hard.
     
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  9. Utachiyo

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    Not wanting to get too personal here, but do you wear mens underwear? I was so happy when I got my first set of mens boxer briefs!

    It's easy to say just don't care what other people think, but it can wear you down whether you listen to it or not. Would it work to say something like "Oh, you're so behind the times! This is the latest fashion!". Or " I'm trying to look like (famous person)! " ? Having a pre-decided response might help.

    I have an aunt who can be pretty judgemental... I was thinking about what to say the next time I visit (which will be after my top surgery, hopefully!). Maybe "You know how people grow their hair long, then cut it and donate it to make wigs for cancer patients? Same kind of thing. Boobs for the boobless."
    Humor helps me.

    Hugs!
     
  10. Rayland

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    Not yet. Haven't had the courage to buy them. I get anxious. It took a lot of courage just buying a mens deodorant and aftershave. I bought a sports bra, that is as good as using a binder.

    With cutting my hair I simply told it's easier to take care of them this way and that was accepted. I don't have too much issue with getting a short haircut.

    Humor is good. I just wish it would help me too, but can't really be humorous, when depressed, but will give it a try.

    Hugs back to you.
     
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  11. chicodeoro

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    Underwear does help. For me, it's a reminder that even though the world outside may see a male, I know that I'm a girl.

    Beth
     
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  12. Jakebusman

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    Hope its getting better
     
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