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I can't transition and need help

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by CoffeeMug, Sep 6, 2022.

  1. CoffeeMug

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    I was informed by people at FOLX and Plume that I can't do HRT because of how dangerous it is for me due to my reactions. But I also can't change my body at all, and expressing myself in any way doesn't help me either. I can't come out to anyone and I feel constantly awful about my dysphoria.

    What can I do?

    I'm 28 AFAB, binders and packers don't work for me, neither does name change.
     
  2. Rayland

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    One thing that you can do is taking good care of yourself, like exploring who you really are and know that gender isn't everything. It does affect a lot of things, but you can deal with it by working on yourself on things like depression, anxiety and so on and take it one step at a time, otherwise you overwhelm yourself. Eat and drink regularly, do exercise and get enough sleep. If going to gym causes you dysphoria, then you can always exercise at home too. Exercising helps to cope with depression. Don't try to compare yourself to others either, it will only make it worse for you. Just try and be yourself. It's hard, but it's doable. Not all people go through the transition process either. You can try and dress and behave the way that feels comfortable for you. Try to love yourself and your body. This is something I'm working on too. I've read your posts before and saw that you are in therapy, but what about seeing someone who specializes in gender, like gender therapist? Have you thought about it? or tried to find one?
     
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  3. CoffeeMug

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    Oh I see a gender therapist already, been seeing her for 2 years now. She's great, but at this point she has no idea what to do either as everything makes me worse.

    Different clothes don't help either because my body is what's wrong for me and the clothes don't fall on me right. I exercise every day and it doesn't help me much, I just keep getting bigger and bigger and I don't want that, so I gave up weight lifting and only do walking now...which means my legs are huge and I hate it too.

    I see a nutritionist too because I need to get my diet under control.
     
  4. Rayland

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    It's good that you are working on yourself and that's the main thing, but if one gender therapist can't help you then you can try and see someone else. There really is no other ways. You also have to put in effort to get better and work on your mental health too more. You need to get on bottom of why does everything make you feel worse.
     
  5. Mihael

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    In which way do you keep on getting bigger? Fat or muscle mass?

    I've read your posts too and I'm sorry it turned out this way. I'm a trans guy and I don't take testosterone and don't want to. I don't think I have any further ideas from what you describe, but maybe I could help with the fitness aspect, because I like to exercise a lot and I have that part more or less figured out.
     
  6. CoffeeMug

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    I am seeing 2 other mental healthcare workers and I've seen dozens prior, I'm a complete oddball in medicine. There's no real thing that's making me feel this way, I just do. I was even born with depression, like I had signs of it as a young toddler and that's apparently not normal.

    I've put in a lot of time in this, but nothing has panned out at all to help me.
     
  7. CoffeeMug

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    If there's any tips or ideas that can make my body more linear without increasing muscle size? Because I can't do working out without my body getting bigger in retaining fat and building muscle immediately. It's awful
     
  8. Rayland

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    I'm sorry to hear that nothing has helped you, but depression is something that can be treated, even if you're born with it. The treatment of depression should have been done since you were young though, since it can only get worse as the time passes, if left untreated.

    If exercise could help you somehow with your body, then it would be great. Maybe beside nutritionist you would also need to see someone who helps you with your body image and with exercise.
     
  9. Mihael

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    Well, imho, the impression of being bulky comes from having just single muscles that are being exercised. If you excercise the whole body and have an even muscle tone all over, it doesn't look unproportional, so it doesn't make the impression of being bulky, but lean and fit. But that's just my opinion about it. Fat is a separate issue, though... If you struggle to lose the body fat, I would try different approaches, for me low carb (less extreme than keto) does wonders - there isn't really a one size fits all approach.

    If you excercise the shoulders, it can balance out large hips.

    I also think that sport is meant to be fun, and excersicing in the gym is stressful, because it's boring and you worry about your appearence or calories or reps etc. Find a sport that you find fun, don't care that you're a noob, just have fun and it's going to do wonders in terms of getting fit.
     
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  10. CoffeeMug

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    I've done every form of therapy and treatment for depression, TMS helped but it does spike still every so often. Unfortunately that's about it that helped, and depression can't be cured so it's just here for life lol
     
  11. CoffeeMug

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    So, I hate sports in every format :/ I'm just not really into anything, and what I was into (martial arts) just made me pack on more weight all over which is not what I want. I don't want to get bigger in any area, I want to be much MUCH leaner than I am now. I already have broad shoulders and hips, and they don't help balance each other out because I have a natural hourglass thanks to my extremely small torso (my spine is not long enough basically, so my ribs are close to my hips and it causes a weird body type).

    Plus I get very self destructive if I join a sport or activity, I end up hurting myself if I don't live up to my expectations, and we found it best for me to avoid sports and the gym for me. So I just exercise at home and eat as little as possible while trying to increase protein (I'm vegetarian so I need to eat more protein regardless).

    Honestly, if there was a way for me to not have as much muscle or fat on me, that'd be nice. Just thin and toned instead of large and muscular.
     
  12. Mihael

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    I see, that makes participating in sports difficult :/

    I rather think of martial artists (at least not the black belts, but lower grades) as lean and not very muscular. So... It looks to me as if your preferred direction would be weight loss rather than exercise.
     
  13. Rayland

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    I disagree. People can be cured from it. Medication have helped me.
     
  14. CoffeeMug

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    Oh trust me, I've never met a lean martial artist, most of them are pretty built (could be my dojang though tbh). And I guess. I do need to exercise regardless, keep being healthy and what not, but I can't lose weight unless I stop eating and exercise at the same time it seems. The only reason I dropped 18 pounds this late spring/summer is because I was finally put on Adderall for my ADHD, and the exercise and improved diet did nothing. I dunno what I can do, I seem to hold onto everything and never let go of fat or muscle no matter how long it is from when I worked out last or how much I eat. Eating a normal amount causes massive weight gain even after months and months of maintaining a healthy habit, I have nothing physically or metabolically wrong with me. My doctor just gave up and said I'm born to be like this and to live with it.
     
  15. CoffeeMug

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    No, there's no cure. There's management and treatment that can lessen effects, but depression is a chronic condition unless only appearing as an acute bout of it (which most people have that happen every so often). Think of it like psoriasis: if you take medication for it, it can help treat and lessen the signs/symptoms. However, if you stop taking your medication, the psoriasis gets far worse and can become resistant to that particular drug.

    That's what mental illness is like too. It's manageable, but not curable. If you have a chronic form of it, it won't ever really go away, but it can absolutely be properly managed with the side effects being less severe with proper treatment. I did loads of research on this stuff for schooling as well as for my own personal experiences so I can best understand my best courses of action.
     
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  16. Rayland

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    I should've worded it better, but this is exactly what I meant by saying cure, that you can manage it, like with diabetes. Medication help keep things under control for me. I don't really understand what kind of help you're looking here for, since you're saying nothing can help you, what I honestly don't believe.
     
  17. Mihael

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    I've trained martial arts for years, so maybe we just have a different opinion on this topic. Unless you mean MMA or boxing, I think people who train them are very muscular. Traditional martial arts (which I would personally call martial arts, not the newer disciplines designed with modern sport in mind) don't make beginners look jacked, in my opinion obviously...
    I don't have much input on weight loss, tbh. I've never had much of a problem with putting on weight, and if I did, it's easily managable.

    Have you done medical tests relating to weight loss? Like for thyroid and insulin resistance? Maybe that could help if diet and exercise don't cut it for you. It happens often that people can't lose weight, because their biology is acting to their detriment.

    I got rid of depression completely, but I agree that for a part of people, a lot of conditions are like this. I have different condition that I have to manage with medication for the rest of my life, PCOS without insulin resistance.

    Sometimes it requires time and a change of mindset or position you're in...
     
    #17 Mihael, Sep 7, 2022
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2022
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  18. Chiroptera

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    I'm sorry to hear you are struggling, and I understand that sometimes, we feel that there's no escape from the dark place we are in a certain moment. I still take meds for depression and I know from experience that treatment unfortunately takes a long time. I'm much better now than I was a few years ago.

    As Rayland said, if you aren't feeling comfortable with your current therapist, it may be a good idea to find a new one. However, please don't give up. Treatment takes time, but there's light at the end of the tunnel.
     
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  19. CoffeeMug

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    I got medically tested and I'm completely normal and healthy, no insulin problems or thyroid issues. My doctor gave up on me like I said, and just said I'm meant to be fat biologically since I gain weight extremely easily but can't lose weight without starvation and excessive exercise. If I could lose weight and not build muscle in a bulky way, that'd change a lot for me.
     
  20. CoffeeMug

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    Oh no no, I've been getting therapy and help for my mental illnesses for decades now, I have what's called treatment resistant depression, specifically double depression (persistent and major depressive disorder together). Treatment for me is officially impossible with medications and all types of therapy, but TMS helped a bit. Instead of being a 10/10 on the depression scale, it's a constant 4-5/10 most days. It'll never go away, and some days it gets very bad, but that's the best I can get. I'm dying anyway in the future so just gotta live with it, ya know? Lol


    The worst is my gender dysphoria though, I've seen many therapists for it too and nothing helps me. My dysphoria isn't linked to my body dysmorphia or my depression, it's an entity on its own and I know how it affects me and what triggers it (which is everything basically). If I could have my ideal body, I'd actually be much better off. However, what I want is impossible and people hate me for it, so I'm kind of up a creek feeling awful all the time.