I've been wanting to post for a while, so I offer this feedback acquired during my absence. I've observed, noticed for a while that generally non LGBT people really know nothing about "gay people" (this is to be expected) and turn to labels to help them get their arms around the subject. I've personally observed non LGBT people refer to other people as either gay or non gay with nothing in between. Another person thinks sexuality is static and not dynamic. This statement is correct to a certain degree but ignores people in the middle. I've also observed that non LGBT people really do not understand their own feelings and desires. Many of them are lemmings and follow the heard, ignoring their inner wants and desires.
I agree with this, quite a lot. Hell, I am newer to the community and the learning curve has been STEEP! Add into that the heteronormativity that most of us have been raised with and of course most know next to nothing. That is part of what pride festivals and getting the word out there is for, to educate. It is getting better, regardless of what many think. Believe me I grew up in the 70's and 80's. It is MUCH better now than it was then, and then it was much better than it was decades before that. It is so easy to fall into the us and them mire. Be careful with this. I agree there is a lot of ignorance out there, but remember the inner wants and desires you speak of can be as diverse of the inner wants and desires of our own LGBTQIA+ community. Heck even the acronym shows the HUGE range of diversity we have and it doesn't even touch all of them. Heterosexuality is just as valid as Homosexuality, Bisexuality, Polysexuality, etc, etc. I can sense your frustration and I appreciate you sharing it here with us. Lord knows I have been frustrated the the generous number of assholes the human race has populated the earth with. Orientations, ethnicities, and/or cultures do not hold the market on assholery that is for sure. Peace!
This is a massively sweeping statement - you're forgetting about all the LGTBQ+ people who have supportive and knowledgeable friends, sisters, brothers, parents, kids and some who are just good allies. I'm afraid statements like this fall into the trap of mirroring the prejudices that our community faces. We don't have a monopoly on emotional wisdom and insight, and the idea that the straights are lobotomised lemmings, a 'heard' (sic), is, quite frankly, really juvenile.
I think that what non-LGBT people resort to is stereotypes, and unfortunately it's usually stereotypes pushed by the LGBT community itself. I love introducing people to my partner and I talk about him all the time, but I still stumble on the word "gay" because so many people hear the word and make assumptions about how we live and think and behave that are absurdly inaccurate. Even if it's something as innocuous as his sister observing my dog's unkempt fur and saying "What kind of gays are you anyhow?" (which was admittedly funny), there's this assumption that everything from our clothes and hair to our politics and religion or lack thereof, or level of extroversion should follow the example set by the latest Pride parade. I'd love it if all you had to do was be. If you're a married guy who likes to blow his best bud now and then, it would be great to just do it, wife accepting. And if she and the sewing circle mess around now and then, big deal. Or if your daughter goes out with a boy this month and a girl the next. No assumptions about what they are, just who they like, if it's even anyone's business at all. No need to declare a major or sliver their sexuality down to hemidemi with a side of pan and light on the sub. For most people all those words are confusing anyhow. Just be who you are. Maybe one day....
From a general perspective, I do see some truth in what you say: Obviously there are straight people who are in the know on the subject, who have friends and family members they're close to and thus, have made the effort to know more about them and their experiences. Yet, there certainly are those who don't see the nuance (the B still gets overlooked--I have personal experience in this regard) and I have likewise found some heterosexuals reduce any relationship that isn't straight to something purely sexual (and thus, shameful or "less real" in their eyes). Oftentimes, these same individuals put a LOT of importance on the sexual aspects of hetero relationships too, so I suppose it's not so surprising--but it certainly can be galling. That being said, I can tell that this comes from a place of frustration: having recently observed much the same this past long weekend while visiting with my in-laws, I know how easy it is to let these feelings of frustration--maybe even bitterness--get the best of us. I urge you however, in spite of whatever experiences have led to this, to remember that there are good people/allies among our straight friends/family members too. It can be easy to let ourselves be blinded to all but the bad; it takes work to see the good and on top of that, to hold on to it. Of course, you're free to vent as you see fit--that's part of EC's function, after all. I just hope you can find some solace in knowing however bleak things can be, there is still a spark of positivity to be found, if you're determined enough to find it.
One one end there is some truth to what you are saying. A lot of non-LGBTQIA’s don’t know anything beyond are you gay or straight? A close straight person even asked me that actually at one point. And they said. It’s simple you are either gay or straight? Actually two. I said am neither maybe bi. They dismissed it and said no you have to choose. And I presume if you are gay the next question on their mind would be who’s what? Come on? Why do you care? Because most likely it has to conform to gender roles that they are familiar with and stereotypes. They are just not knowledgeable. Maybe it can be both ways. But I’ve not heard it from other members of the community. That being said, am sure there are people who do know and are more like allies. I just haven’t met any of them yet. I am not being negative here nor am I bitter. But that’s my experience. I wish it were not so.
