Identity vs Orientation

Hi all,

Since I found this forum. I’ve been posting, learning, reading, examining, thinking about matters relating to one’s own sexuality and discussing topics relating to my own experiences and comparing that to others who may or may not be in similar situations in their lives.

I find it very helpful sometimes to share what I come across weather from books or articles and maybe get some feedback on things I am not very clear about.

Recently I’ve been reading a book by
Loren A. Olson, M.D and psychologist called finally out. I came across one paragraph and it goes like this

“Sexuality is far more complex than body parts. It includes sexual fantasy, sexual behavior, sexual preference, sexual orientation, and sexual identity; it also includes emotionality and Romance. At times, these forces contradict each other even within the same individual”

While I understand most of it. But I don’t have a clear idea about the difference between sexual identity and sexual orientation?

Also it gets complicated by the last sentence. So why do these forces contradict each other in the same individual?

Thoughts…

 

@Searching2022 Thanks for your reply. Yeah there are many terms these days. It’s confusing sometimes. Like the terms they use in medical reports or articles. Something like MSM or WSW. Maybe they have to be scientific and general about it.

 

@zgaynz thanks for taking the time to reply to this post. Yeah. This is kinda of what am trying to reach or get at. Because sometimes things don’t align for me the way I think they should. There is a conflict somewhere between identity and orientation. There is a kind of of pull between the two endpoints of the spectrum which leaves me somewhere in the middle. Sometimes leaning more towards one end or the other. Which makes things difficult for me which direction should I go. Which kind of life should I be leading and with whom.

 

Yes i know it can be confusing sometimes. That’s why I created this thread to shed light on this subject and get more clarity on it.

So it seems to me from your writing that you are not sure if you are lesbian or bisexual. I don’t think that you are in denial. You are just not somewhere else on the lgbtqia spectrum.

If we take the first half of your post. In which you say your identity and orientation do align that means you have reached a point of acceptance. And there is no dissonance or conflict between the two.

Am not really and expert here by the way. But I like to analyze and think about stuff like that in the hope that I find answers myself.

 

Yes exactly my point. I read that in a book about sexuality and coming out. Written by psychologist. I thought to myself I don’t see it that way because I don’t really have a separate identity. To me that is more an individuality or personality and that hasn’t changed because am the same person I always was. Except maybe my orientation or attractions have shifted a bit or am accepting more myself as someone who is attracted to both genders.

 

From your perspective it can be seen like that. I see the contradiction. For me it’s not that simple. Because I haven’t changed, I feel am still the same person. Yes am in relationship with a woman and have been for several years now. But there is another side of me that’s also kind of attracted to my same gender. Am trying to accept that part of me as well.

 

Yeah it’s more complicated than I thought at first. And I quite can’t put my finger on it. That’s why I created this thread.

 

If you or others find more information on this topic I would appreciate it.

 

Thanks for your post. Yeah and I think you are on the right track. I figured as much from other member’s replies and doing some reading.

So yeah because sexual orientation is more related to desire, arousal, fantasy and what turns you on. It can be more broad and multidimensional in a sense.
In the same line of thinking this makes an identity a narrower or more fixed. Kind of developed and is more stable over time.

Developed meas all encompassing like when all the elements or forces of one’s sexuality combine, become fixed or stable over time then people can develop a sexual identity.

I agree it’s complicated but also the human mind sometimes needs to analyze, categorize and find reasons for the choices someone makes or doesn’t even if there was no clear explanation.

Also something to think about. If one only relies and concentrates exclusively on genital sex or the momentary pleasure of it. Without considering other factors like emotional behavior. He/she may miss out on the real significance of building that identity for the long term. Which evidently may have an adverse effect on building more lasting relationships in general.