Confused: Am I asexual or am I foolin' myself maybe...?

Hey everybody!

I'm a sensitive and overthinkin' kind of person who are somewhat lost in thoughts at the moment and I was wonderin' if I could have some advice from you. Since there ain't many places where I dare to be open and can practically talk or vent. EC is a place where I feel comfy about bein' my true self infront of people I don't know and I feel like I couldn't turn to a better forum with my thoughts that I carry(A)

I am wonderin' if I might be asexual. I've done some minor research since I haven't read much about what bein' asexual means besides that you're not attracted to any gender at all and doesn't wish to have sex with anyone (I hope that I got it in a correct way^^;; I don't mean to put out somethin' incorrectly, feel free to correct me in that case(A) ) I did some more diggin' and read that asexuality could mean that there's a lack of interest, low/lack/no desire for sexual activity. I find those words somethin' that describes my thoughts. Although, since I've been misfortunate in life in havin' findin' a partner to share my life with I'm not sure if these curious thoughts bases on me bein' in a relationship, givin' me lack of experience, or if I value the thought of a nice evenings with cuddlin' more than havin' sex.
I'd like to share you a brief story from my past, about a girl who in the end only loved me when I wasn't with her but didn't loved me when we met up. We had sex once and honestly, I can say that my interest hasn't increased after that. It has rather made me more insecure as a person. We've known eachother for about a month and my feelings for her had grown a lot durin' that time, as did hers about me (at least she claimed that. I do feel like I've been fooled after all of this) Many consider findin' the partner of your dreams is some kind of game you gotta play but takin' in signals and playin' that game hasn't been my strong suit. I'm more for an open conversation where I can tell what I like about someone. Sometimes people tells that there's a different between flirtin' and complimentin' someone. I have a hard time to tell the difference for a friend asked me once if I were flirtin', or more like mentioned that I can indeed flirt. Not my intention really for I knew she had a boyfriend, I just gave her a complimention that I liked her haircut that night(A) Nope, I appreciate honesty and compliments than playin' games and interpret signals(A) I'm just too honest to even play hard to get, really

I don't wish to say I'm asexual if it would turn out that I'd be more interested in sexual activity if I get to meet the girl of my dreams someday, someone I'd known for a longer time and had a real and serious relationship with. I wish to respect what the flag stands for and what it means to be asexual. I feel like I'm makin' my words quite complicated right now but that's how my thoughts goes. Therefore, I'd love to ask you all for advice if I could consider myself asexual or if my thoughts are just a result from lack of experience or if I'm foolin' myself.

If you have any specific questions you'd like to ask me, feel free to do so and I'll do my best to answer! Would be happy to answer to anythin' you wonder about

 

Thanks Isbjorn for your acknowledge Your words does help me for it means that I was onto somethin' that might be and you verified it^^ So thank you for your words!

 

Thank you Cinnamon for sharin' your story. It is a relief to me that my words and thoughts did make some sense in the midst of all confusion(A) I'm sorry to hear that it didn't worked out, that you were on two different levels when it came to the view of havin' sex. We are indeed all people and we are all different from eachother. I do hope that you do meet someone who respects you and also your demisexuality and understands how you feel about havin' sex. It does makes me happy to hear that we share a similiar view on that, that we need to feel this strong bond before doin' anythin' more. I think it's a beautiful thought and also a beautiful way to see it all

Also wanna say thank you for your guidance as I haven't considered or thought deeper than on an asexual plane The way you describe demisexuality is somethin' I feel I can really connect with, to associate with and define myself as! I've felt and thought like that for a very long time without takin' it to any consideration but now I'm feelin' really convinced by this and would like to henceforth, with you and Isbjorn as my witnesses in this EC Forum-thread, describe and define myself as demisexual!!^^

 

May I also add that I was honestly tempted to write my responses to each of you earlier today but couldn't^^ I was on a lunch break and had to return to work, didn't had the time to write back then;D It became my top priority to make this announcement and thank you two^^ For the whole Sunday, I knew that my inner colors were flucturatin' and just wanted to break free in white, grey, purple and black colors, addin' up to my light blue, light pink and white ones!