A lot has changed since I started coming in here and reading posts, commenting on a few, learning some, and basically getting comfortable. I am more comfortable in my skin, so to speak. I am more out than in the closet, though I do not broadcast it much. I will confirm if asked by those I know and feel comfortable with. I am at that point where I will not lie, but if asked directly by someone I do not know, I may tell them it is none of their damn business. A close friend in church who is of my parent's generation and also a vet, has asked me, why I started wearing more jewelery (earring, rings, bracelet). I am a vet and have always dressed conservatively, wearing little to no jewelery and definitely no earring. I trusted he would be fine with it and told him. He was. That was a great experience, because one can never be sure about people of his generation. Mine either, though as generations pass, more acceptance occurs thankfully. There is still a long way to go. I express myself more than before, but am still pretty conservative. I am a Bear, big and hairy. My jewelry leans more toward biker or steam punk and less toward refined beauty. I am definitely the polar opposite of flaming, but those in the know will know, if you catch my meaning. Life is getting better with my comfort level, but I am still finding the new me. The good thing about this is that my wife has started supporting me in this. In fact, it has woken a long dormant want to live attitude in her. We are still figuring things out, but I can see a great potential for a new, and improved relationship, yes even including the Bi parts of me. I know all will not be roses, but now compared to a year ago is awesome.
Nice. I have a question if you don’t mind. How long did it take you to reach where you are now? And did you guys come to an understanding with counseling or just by yourselves?
I don't mind. It has been about a year since I came out to my wife. It has been about two years since I came to terms with myself. We have come this far in our understanding of what I like to call our new and improved relationship with counseling. Hope that answers your questions.
Yes sort of. So you now have a kind of open relationship or understanding. I know that every relationship is different and there is no general solution that fits everyone. So what do you think in your experience. The thing the helped you out the most? Was it mostly the counseling?
I think it was the counseling and that we have known each other for over 45 years, married 27 years. We have also had the type of relationship that we do not have ultimatums, when we argue there are no grudges, and we do our best to never go to bed angry at each other. The strong bond of love and friendship we have allowed mainly her to come to terms of having a bi husband. She also, through counseling understands just how much I was being ripped up be holding it in with the guilt I had because of my feelings toward men, when we are so close. We both are so concerned about hurting each other we are finding ways not to. It's hard to explain completely. I also know mine is not the norm with married couples and one that comes out LGBTQIA+ of some sort after years of marriage.
It's so good to hear that your journey has largely been a positive one. It can be difficult at times, something of a rollercoaster--but it's worth it, in the end. Keep up the great work, and congrats on the progress you've made so far!
Thanks for sharing and being generous in writing about your journey. A lot of people in the later in life section at least are writing about similar situations they are facing. Their struggles. Their journeys. The positive side. The difficult times. I learned a lot here from different folks. I can’t really have any conversations remotely like this with anyone where I live. So this space has been very helpful and therapeutic to me in way. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future but I am hopeful that some day I will be bolder and maybe take more steps towards leading a more authentic life. In the meantime I have this community of well meaning and helpful people to look up to for guidance.
