Quite early on in my relationship with my girlfriend, she said that my hand gestures when talking made her nervous that I was going to hit her (she said this is often what her mother had done before hitting her). I have never hit anyone nor would I ever do so. In a twist of irony, my partner went on to push me a couple of times and slap me once when angry (the slap was reactive to a rude comment I shouldn't have said but otherwise I do not thing anything I did warranted these responses). After each time, I made clear that she should not become physical with me. Recently, she became very aggressive about my failure to dispose of a domestic item (belonging to me) in the way that she had instructed months ago and pushed me again. When confronted about her aggression - I told her it was entirely unacceptable - she broke up with me. She later tried to row back from the break up but I wouldn't accept it. I feel too many lines were crossed. Do you have any view on this or any experience of partners / people who become physical when angry? I am unsure if I overreacted or could have dealt with things in a better way.
You didn't overreact. Being physically aggressive because of emotions is something she needs to work on. She can't become aggressive everytime somebody says something rude. Aggression towards you for not throwing something out sounds controlling. While her upbringing is probably the explanation for her behaviour, it doesn't excuse any shitty behaviour or actions.
Oh noooo.... there were definitely red flags there, and you did the right thing. You did not overreact.
I agree with others, that it's not an overreaction. It's good that you left from toxic relationship and I would reccomend that person therapy, to figure out, what is behind that aggression and deal with that on their own.
You didn't overreact; you set a very clear boundary, and she crossed it on multiple occasions. Moreover, when confronted with her behaviour, she opted to leave you rather than work on her issues. Even if her issues stem from her mother's treatment and thus, history is repeating itself through her this time around, it isn't your job or responsibility to fix her, nor to put up with her abuse. It may hurt, you may question whether you did the right thing at times, but I'm here to assure you that you made the right call.
I certainly do not think you were overreacting, you definitely did the right thing. There is no reason at all that a person should put their hands on another person in a violent way. It doesn't matter what her upbringing was like, or what was said, there are many ways to solve problems without violence. You gave her boundaries and she continually broke them, then tried to reverse the break up when she knew you were serious, without even looking at her behaviour. I was in an abusive relationship with my boyfriend and then due to pressure I married him. Endless boundaries were crossed, threats made, promises were continually broken, I ended up being physically and mentally abused for many years. It sucked the life out of me and turned me into a shell, I was constantly on edge wondering what was going to set him off, I am very familiar with not disposing of things the right way. Domestic violence against women is very much documented and sadly doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon, what isn't really talked about is domestic violence against men on the receiving end of women. Because the men won't fight back they are seen as weak, but that is not the case, any type of violence leaves behind a mark and it doesn't matter what sex or gender you are. Your ex needs therapy to deal with her aggression, but she has to want to get it, and you are not responsible for her.
