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A "wierd" situation

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Blanched, Aug 4, 2022.

  1. Blanched

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    My ex broke up with me last October, and I hooked up for the first time shortly after that. I know that probably wasn't the best way to deal with my feelings, but that's what I did.
    I was surprised that it went very well, and we did it a few more times. He's a super cute guy, and we eventually hung out a little bit together just to talk. Once we went to Walmart just to walk around, another night we saw a free movie shown on campus together, and we ate a couple meals on campus together. I think I was developing "mild" feelings for him, but I didn't feel ready for a relationship after my breakup.
    Over the next 3 months, I kept seeing him in places that were really weird for me to see him, like at a mall 30 minutes from campus, parked right in front of me and my friends, and then at a large concert in a city an hour away. So I figured, "Wow, this must be destined or something," and I eventually asked him if he would be interested in a relationship.
    He told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship because he still had feelings for someone who treated him bad. I told him that I understood, and that I wouldn't mind if we still just hooked up, and he said he didn't mind either. We hooked up one more time, and we haven't spoken since summer break started.

    Now, I just don't know if spending time with him is very healthy. I guess it might have been a "rebound" after my breakup, but I think I genuinely like him. I don't know if I
     
  2. Jakebusman

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    Do you still have feelings for him ?
     
  3. BiGemini87

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    I'm sorry things haven't been going well, between your breakup and this. If you want to, you could always try reaching out to him to see if he wants to get together sometime soon, if only to hang out. If he doesn't reply (or replies in the negative), at least then you'll have either a definitive answer (and thus, a reason to move on), or something like it. Maybe if you do text or call him, you can say that you just want to know where things stand so that you don't have to waste your time or his if he's not interested in even friendship right now. It might be that once you asked him out, he realized things were getting serious and opted to pull back because he didn't want to hurt you as he's been hurt (even if inadvertently he has wound up doing so).

    If you do reach out, just make sure it doesn't come across as accusing; just merely as a desire for clarification. If you don't contact, you could wait for him to contact you...but that could be a long wait.

    Maybe right now is a good time to focus on you and what makes you happy--and above all, who you are. If your relationship with your ex was fairly lengthy, you likely need time to sort out who you are without being attached to someone else, even if that can be scary and overwhelming.
     
  4. Blanched

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    Huh, I'm not sure where the ending went, and I don't really remember what I said...

    I would say my feelings aren't very strong because I know he's not looking for a relationship right now.
    When he said he didn't think he was ready for a relationship right now, I did take it literally, as in he could consider a relationship with me in the future, but I should probably get some clarification with that.

    I move back to school at the end of the month, so when I get back I think I'll message him then.
    I've been feeling pretty happy with where I'm at with myself, so I guess that answers my question of whether or not it would be healthy to still hang out with him.