So recently i tried coming out to my mom. i asked if i could get a binder.she said “that’s only for women who want to be men.” and proceeded to tell there is nothing wrong with my body. but there is. i’m non-binary/trans, and it makes me really sad/uncomfortable to have everyone around me calling me she and her. i came out to my friends and they were supportive, but they constantly mistender me after i continually correct them. is there a way i can stop feeling this? i want to be comfortable in my body so i can show my mom and friends that i’m not a girl.
I have a "bonus" child who basically adopted us as her second family because she is trans and her family is conservative and not particularly understanding. I try my hardest to not misgender her, but I still slip up and do it. It's not intentional but I'm still not accustomed to doing it.
There are a lot of little things you could try and see if they help at all. Things like a shorter haircut, baggier shirts (to hide your chest- I do this myself), using sports bras to bind (it works to a degree- but be safe about it!), etc. Secondly, can you sit your mom down and explain the use of she/her to describe you is uncomfortable? Will she listen if she knows it's hurting you?
i’ve tried to tell her but she just says “oh it’s probably just a phase” and “oh but you used to like being a girl when you were younger”. she doesn’t know that i’m non-binary, but i did start dropping hints and expressing how i’m not comfortable being a girl.
jamie.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! *****I am so sorry that you find yourself in this position. Part of the problem is that you are just 15 years old and many parents just don't believe someone of that age really knows or understands what being transgendered means. A lot of the time the parents themselves don't really know what it means either! So much depends on how much your mom will resist your efforts to take steps toward at least looking more like what you feel like inside. For instance, will she let you get a short hair cut or wear more masculine clothes? Perhaps some small steps like those will be accepted and after a while you might then be able to ask again about a binder. Have you thought about watching some FtM youtube videos? Here is a short list of some that I have found that are pretty good: FtM: Alex Bertie, Jammidodger, Noah Finnce, Luke Wale, Sam Collins, Ty Turner, Dakota Aspen It may just take time for your mom to adjust. It's a pretty big change for her to see her daughter change into her son. I have a close friend who has been out to me as bisexual for several years and just a few months ago came out to me as MtF. It was the first time that I've ever had someone close come out to me as trans...and I have to admit it was not only a surprise, but also a shock that I'm still working through. I'm happy for her, but I am finding it easier to understand how a parent would have a really difficult time when their child came out trans when I'm having trouble and it's just a friend...a really close friend no doubt, but still not my own child. So I do think that your mom needs time to work through this. It's just not something that most people could just say ok without any problem. It really is as big a deal for her as it is for you. The biggest difference right now is that you have had time to think this through and she hasn't. She needs time just as you needed time to deal with all of the emotions that are part of such an important decision. *****In an event, we're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Gender Identity and Expression”, there are people there who have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message. .....David
Something I do that helps me feel more femme, and I'm sorry if this feels too personal or squicky, is that I periodically do shave my underarms. Sweet heavens doesn't that make me feel more comfortable in my own body!
That sucks my mom refuses to use my pronouns. I say just have to just keep being you she might just figure out it isn’t a phase.
