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Getting Married Virtually in Different States

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by BeeVee, Jun 22, 2022.

  1. BeeVee

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    Does anyone have any pointers to do so? We live in different states and want to get married. I have looked everywhere on the internet, and it doesn't really give me much information. We are looking for a cheap cost as well. We don't have much money or any at all.
     
  2. Quantumreality

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  3. BeeVee

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    Thank you for the helpful information. I do not see my state on there. ): I hope that we are able to get married soon. This sucks.
     
  4. Chip

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    Given that marriage is a state-by-state thing, it's unlikely you're going to have a legally binding marriage unless both members of the wedding party show up in person to get the marriage license.

    Additionally, if you have not spent a significant (6 months plus) time physically in person, living in the same place, I would very highly recommend not getting married until you have.

    What is keeping you from meeting in person?
     
  5. BeeVee

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    In all honesty, I feel like we do not need to spend 6 months or more living together just to get married. We have made this relationship work for over three years. We are happy, and that is all that matters. We just..wish to get married as soon as possible and go from there.

    We do not have the money nor transportation to get to each other's states. Neither one of us drive (anxiety on both ends and I can't pass the test)
     
  6. Quantumreality

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    @BeeVee

    I hear what you told @Chip, but I feel it necessary to reinforce the concerns that he expressed.

    In real llife, it is VERY different to 'get to know' someone for three virtually versus spending six months with them face-to-face. I don't know how young you are, but, in my 56 years of experience, knowing someone as a 'friend' and living with them in real life are totally different things. Just because you think you have tons of common likes and dislikes does not mean that you are life partners without having lived together in real life. AND, if you live in different State, what is the point of getting married unless one of you are willing to move to the other's State so that you can live together?

    By that same token, I am not saying that it COULDN'T work. @Chip and I are just advising that you might want to take some time for further thought about the realities and requirements of being a married couple before you take the plunge.

    Best of luck with whatever you decide!
    QR
     
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  7. BeeVee

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    We both want this. We have been talking about it for a long while. We have known each other since 2016. We are comfortable enough to actually take the plunge and get married. We've already talking about moving and such and either of us are willing to go wherever. We aren't even wanting a huge wedding, we just wish to get eloped. Both of us are very comfortable with this decision, and wish to go forward with it. And you don't really have to live together if you are married right away. There are some couples that are married and don't live together. If we've made our relationship work for this long, then marriage won't be any different.
     
  8. Chip

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    You say you've "known" each other since 2016, but it sounds like you have never actually met. If that's the case, quite honestly, getting married without first living together physically I can say with a pretty high degree of certainty will be a total disaster.

    Additionally, if neither of you have even the resources for a flight or bus to one another's state to get married... that certainly doesn't bode well for starting a life together.

    Again, it's your life, and it sounds like you haven't the slightest interest in listening to the wisdom of folks who might actually understand more about this circumstance than you do... so given that's the case, I guess you just do whatever you want. I just hate to see you go through what is almost certainly going to be a disaster. But sometimes the only way people learn is to make mistakes for themselves that others are trying to help them avoid.
     
  9. Quantumreality

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    Again, @BeeVee,

    There is no argument that it is you life and you can make whatever choices you choose.

    However, you posted here on EC for advice about getting married. We have provided that.

    But I must again echo @Chip 's advice.

    Knowing someone virtually and knowing them in real-life are completely different things. Meeting your paramore and living together for a while before getting married is the most practical course of action. Actually having a plan for living together (such as identifying living conditions, income sources, having an alternate plan in case things don't work out, etc) before you even meet is only logical.

    From personal experience, the living together with another person can be very trying. Is one of you a neat-freak and the other a slob? Does your significant other have day-to-day habits that completely annoy you? Do they snore? Are their feet smelly? Do you or they leave their dirty clothes on the floor? Do you or they leave dirty dishes in the sink?

    How can you understand or know about such things until or unless you have direct, personal experience living with them?

    Just some thoughts...
    QR
     
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