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30s and married

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Jaimequestions, Jun 21, 2022.

  1. Jaimequestions

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    Hi all. I have posted here in different sections but this is my first time in Later in Life. Married, 2 kids. I have been feeling like there is something off about me for the last few years, for sure this last year. All of my fantasies are gay, I have erotic dreams with giving and receiving, and I cannot turn down a good underwear ad. Am I reading too much h into this? What signs made it clear to you?
     
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  2. Joolz66

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    My signs emerged at puberty but I kept it hidden. In my 30s I was busy with married life and young kids and still had gay fantasies but really didn't acknowledge their true meaning. It was only in my mid to late 40s it got stronger and by the time I was 50 there was no denying anymore to myself my intense same sex attraction.
     
  3. Jaimequestions

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    A few things that jumped out at me that made me really think are, when watching a porn, I always looks at myself as the girl pleasuring the guy(s) and looking at a lesbian scene and thinking I want to try the same thing, but with a guy. Sexually, I am more into guys, but for emotional attraction I am not sure which way I am, probably more straight, if that makes sense
     
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  4. Quantumreality

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    Hey @Jaimequestions,

    I would say that the fantasies you described are a huge indicator, but no one here can tell you your sexuality. Ultimately, only you can know that.

    Do you believe that you are gay, bi, or at least somewhere on the spectrum?

    If so, what do you want to do about it? Questioning is fine. Most of us on EC have questioned our sexual orientation and/or gender identity at some point or another. But the only way to move forward is to first understand yourself.

    QR
     
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  5. zgaynz

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    Looking back there were so many signs over a number of years that I chose to ignore because I knew what they meant and I wasn't ready to face the fact that I was indeed gay back then.

    1) I wasn't interested in girls during high school. I'm still not.

    2) I first saw gay porn in my early 20's and was immediately hooked. I was totally fascinated and it's all I wanted. Lesbian porn did nothing for me and I realised that I would fixate on the man in straight porn.

    3) I have homosexual dreams. I did have heterosexual ones too, but they were definitely out numbered and since I accepted my sexuality, they've stopped. I can't remember the last time I had a heterosexual sex dream.

    4) I sneaked a peek in the changing rooms. Who doesn't?

    5) The more aroused I became, the more I homosexual I felt and the more open I was to homosexual acts.

    6) I love the naked male body in all it's glory.

    7) I've always felt that my backside was a two-way street.

    8) Homosexuality arouses me far more.

    9) The biggest one sign was this overwhelming urge to kiss one of my male friends in my 30's.

    There were plenty more minor signs but these were the ones that when put together, started the ball rolling.

    Only you can decide what your sexuality is. If you're attracted to both male and female, it's possible you're somewhere on the bisexual spectrum. Being married makes your journey a bit more complicated than mine so I would definitely take some time to work it all out. You don't have to tell anyone the outcome. Self acceptance is more important in the early stages in my opinion. Remember, what ever the outcome is, it's OK. You're still normal.
     
  6. Engdood1

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    I’m still battling with this too but for me I started to seriously question my sexuality when I realised that I had not masturbated to straight porn or thought of a woman when masturbating, in several years. I no longer get hard looking at pictures of hot or naked women but I do when looking at men. Also, like you, I have many fantasies about sex with men but none about women. I read a good question the other day that made me pause. If you could have a harem of women or men in your basement, purely for sex, which would you choose? A little messed up but it helped me realise where my true desires are.
     
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  7. Rainbow64

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    My experience has been almost identical to what you're describing. Even at the same ages. When I was in my thirties I focused on marriage and family life and denied the meaning of my same sex fantasies. Mid to late forties they became much stronger and by my fifties there was no denying that I was gay. I'm now 58 and I've been out for 3 years. I love being my true self and am much happier. I think it helps when you know that you're not the only one and others have had the same experience