It's been a while since I came out as Nonbinary to my family. I gave them the name I wish to be called, and my preferred pronouns. At first some members were okay with it, but then things went downhill. They keep calling me by my dead name and not by my preferred pronouns.They keep telling me that, "You'll always be my *insert dead pronouns here* and *insert dead name here*". Just here recently, I was forced to come out to the family that I wish to undergo HRT. Not to mention that a family member that I wish to have NEVER spoken to again showed up. Imagine being told that HRT kills your body. Like? Okay Brenda. Everyone has T in their body. I've done my research. It is what I need to do to be comfortable. This has nothing to do with my mental health, but they think it does. Sure I have anxiety, depression, and more than likely autism, but that doesn't mean that my decision to finally be comfortable with who I am is a result of said mental health issues. The family member that I wished to never speak to me again, literally looked me in my eyes and said, "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it." And now, that said person is trying to get power of attorney over my medical stuff. On top of that, my family is trying to send me to a mental hospital because they think I am not "right in the head". Oh, I'm 30 years old. Oh! And! Some of my family members are IN the LGBTQ+ community. Everyday I live in fear because the day is getting close to my doctor's appointment to where a certain family member has to sit in and listen to make sure I don't mention anything about HRT, and that I agree to going to a mental hospital. I don't know what to do, I am stuck, scared, and horrified. I never thought I would face something like this with certain members of my family, but alas..I have. I don't even know if I should educate them on the matter because everytime I talk to them they seem like they don't care. And they wonder why I isolate myself in my room. I am not comfortable enough to be around them because they can't take the time to educate themselves on other parts of the LGBTQ+ community. Gays aren't the only ones that exist. I don't know what to do..going to a mental health hospital is NOT what I need to do. I don't feel the need to harm myself or others, I am not suicidal, I am perfectly okay. If anyone has any pointers, I would appreciate each and every one of them. Thank you for taking the time to read this. <3
I think you need to get away from this enviroment, especially if they want to put you into a mental institution. This is just wrong. From your writing I understood that you have some family members who are part of lgbtqia+ community and maybe they can offer you support? The best thing would be moving out. Is there any lgbtqia+ centers in your city, where you could get support from? Sending you hugs.
I can't offer much, but you might want to consult an attorney about the power of attorney stuff. Depending on where you live you might be able to find one whose specialty is that as well as LGBTQIA issues.
Unfortunately, Those said family members are the exact ones who are being phobic. No one in my family is supportive. There are not any centers in my area. And to top it off, I don't have a job (because of reasons I am not going to disclose). I just don't know what to do..I have a therapist, but a certain family member also has to sit in on that as well. I am in the right mindset to make my own decisions..this family member just wishes to have control over me to see me suffer. It has been like this ever since I was a child. I wasn't allowed to enjoy the things I wanted to. I didn't want dolls, I wanted hot wheels and video games. I hated wearing dresses they put me in, as well as the makeup. And now that I have finally made up my mind, this is what I wish to do, but I can't. I'm so..done.
It's awful, when people who are supposed to be part of the community and yet are phobic. I think talking to an attorney would be a good idea, since you can discuss about what are your options. I wish I could give you some better advice, but i'm pretty much in the same boat, with being 30 years old and not having work and living with my parents who I'm not out to, since I'm afraid.
I totally understand. And I may have found an attorney already. I was talking to someone from the LGBT Project for my name change this year, so maybe they will be able to help me. I hope things work out for you as well. I just hate how we can't be who we wish to be to be comfortable in our own skin.
Same here. I hope things work out for you and you can get some support. Please keep us updated on how it goes. And also welcome to the EC!
I think you're going to have to very carefully plan out your next steps. First and foremost I think you should seek out stable employment if possible. Gaining your own financial autonomy and stability is going to be crucial. I do have a question though. How is your family member allowed to sit in on your therapy sessions and doctor's appointments? Unless you gave written consent with a signed form HIPAA makes that illegal, since you're an adult in the U.S. . You can rescind that consent at any time too (if you plan to revoke that consent do keep in mind that may make your family member angry and have some consequences for you at home- carefully think this through). If your therapist or doctor lets them sit in on an appointment without that form you can report them and they may get their liscense(s) revoked.
Hi @BeeVee, welcome to EC. I am not nonbinary or transgender, so I will write being very mindful of that. I will be honest. Reading this thread, it's hard for me to get a sense of what exactly is happening in your situation. It definitely sounds like a lot, and I think anyone would be overwhelmed in your position. I think your family may have some emotional health issues... and they may possibly be contributing to your own. I think what @TinyWerewolf, wrote is important.. I think if you have a therapist already (that you trust) it could be important to talk to them without family present. I would think they would readily agree to this. Family is often involved in therapy, but so are sessions alone. Your therapist may be able to understand the situation better by talking to you alone, talking to your family member alone, and then talking to everybody together. If you do not trust this therapist, then it may be helpful to get a second opinion, on your own. One of the LGBT groups could also possibly help with finding another therapist. I hope you'll be able to be who you want to be and express yourself freely while you're on Empty Closets. We're all here for you, and we're all trying to help each other. -PBB
The thing about employment is, I am trying to fight with SSI. I have been unable to work since 2013. There are certain reasons as to why I cannot work and I do not feel comfortable enough to share them to the public. As for the therapist, this is my therapist. This is for me. I don't wish for my family to be in any bit of my private life at all. I trust my therapist, I just don't trust my family members. They told me that if I don't agree to going to the mental hospital, they will go in front of the judge and a cop will take me to one. I have contacted the LGBT Project in hopes of some help with that as well. They said they would get back to me on Tuesday since they are closed for the holiday.
As I stated in my reply to TinyWerewolf, my therapist is for me and me alone. I don't wish for my family to sit in on anything. I will keep everyone updated on the whole LGBT Project thing I am trying to go through. I want to thank everyone who has been so helpful so far. <3
As others have said, try focusing on what you can do to be physically independent so you have breathing room to do what you want. If you don't feel comfortable with other family, then try friends or maybe even other LGBT people in the community. Along with that is figuring out income. If it is disability insurance, maybe look for who can help you prepare a successful application. I don't know how many times you can reapply, but if that is not working out, you might consider some type of remote work that can provide enough accommodations.
I don't even know where I would even find remote work. I don't have any experience because of my inability to work since 2013. I have an appointment with SSI on the 10th. Hopefully I am able to still take the appointment after the first..my family members are still keen on sending me to a mental hospital, which I most definitely do not need to go. I will talk to my therapist again about the whole SSI ordeal with I see her on the 16th (if I even can), and explain things to her as well. Maybe she can point me in the right direction too, who knows. I am just..done with this whole situation. I never thought I would be dealing with something like this in my life, but alas, here I am. );
