When was the last time you lied out loud about your sexual orientation? I was thinking about this, like I think about lots of little things and ponder and analyze, and I was thinking way back when asked if I was gay I lied because I was in the closet. I still am, but nowadays, no one just asks you what your sexual orientation is, right? I think so in general that’s true. Anyway, a few years ago at my last doctor’s appointment (which I know, it’s time to go again), I was asked if I was gay. And I just said no, at the time knowing this was a lie. I was just so paranoid about this being written down. I’m not even sure they ask this anymore, but if they do, this time I will be truthful…yes, I am gay.
One advantage to being bi is that if someone asks me something related to males, I can truthfully go along with it and just neglect to tell them the full truth, that I am also attracted to females. A very sneaky way of not lying, yet also not outing myself to someone I'm not comfortable doing so in front of. I'm glad you've found the confidence to be truthful when the time comes!
The coming out process presents some challenges especially if you are coming out later in life. Our heteronormative programming tries to short circuit our homosexuality hence the urge to lie about our orientation. As you become more comfortable with your gay orientation it becomes much easier to shed the lies and live openly gay.
I don't think I've outright lied since first coming out. I'd say I've omitted, but that would imply the opportunity to tell others has come up, or that said others have any investment in my life. Basically everyone I'm friends with either knows, or they don't--and if the opportunity arises to mention it to those who don't, I will. I've got nothing to hide and anxiety aside, I can't be bothered to care what anyone else thinks anymore. It takes time to get there though, and I won't say there isn't potential for backslides, because of course there are. We're human, we're prone to error. It sounds to me though that you've gone through a great deal of growth. I hope, if/when you're faced with the question again, you'll be free to be 100% yourself.
Being true can take courage! I admittedly still dodge the question a lot, though try not to outright lie. But there have been occasions when people explicitly asked and in my nervousness I told them something like “I don’t use any labels” — which isn’t true as I know the correct label for me is bisexual. The last time this happened was a couple months back. I’m just a bit anxious over assumptions people might make of me I think.
For a couple years maybe now, while sort of lying to myself almost, I’ve said things like “the person I end up with” or “if I ever dated, they”. I didn’t say he or that it would be a guy, I just let others assume it was that When I switched to a new doctor last month they did ask my orientation and at that point I just said I wasn’t sure…which was true then…sort of. They can usually leave it blank or put “prefer not to answer” I do sort of feel like I’m deceiving my mom when I say “the hot guy” on a show, when in reality I don’t actually think they are they are just the stereotype and token hot person of whatever we are watching and I don’t know the name (meanwhile I’m silently staring at the hot girl)
And I think this is perfectly normal and understandable. I know it’s been the case for me for many many years unfortunately.
I'm completely in the closet and the last time I outright lied was when I was filling in the UK census in March 2021. I was filling it in for our household but knew my husband would also have access to what I'd put but I still felt pained ticking heterosexual when I know that is absolutely not the case.
