I think it was Labor Day weekend of 2013 that I came out impulsively to my ex-wife after another of many rounds of fighting. I was well beyond thinking that our marriage was salvageable, but I knew that there wasn't much I could say that she wouldn't use to manipulate me into another hopeless attempt to make it work. This time I pulled out the big gun, the declaration that would end the marriage for sure - I told her I was gay. After that we still lived together, even slept in the same bed, but the agreement was that I would stay till our youngest graduated from high school in 2019. Well, that plan bombed quickly as I started chatting with a guy here, quickly became obsessed with him, met in person in March of 2014, and we've been together ever since. As a result, I moved to the opposite end of a metro area from my ex, and paid the mortgage in lieu of alimony after we got our separation, She eventually found someone new and over the winter, moved in to his new house about 3 hours away. Since the old house was up for grabs, we moved in. When everything was happening 8 years ago, things got out of hand quickly because a neighbor saw us at a lunch date 30 miles from home, before I even moved out, and splattered the news all around the neighborhood just in time for the big July 4th neighborhood party. It was awkward and humiliating but saved me a certain amount of explaining to people because it was all out in the open. So the decision to move back was not an easy one because I wasn't sure what to expect, but I figured, it's my house, it's the town I grew up in, and it's my decision. The gossiping neighbor is long gone. But we ran into the people next door even before we moved, and they were incredibly welcoming and asked, "so are you guys married finally?" Another neighbor flagged me down while walking the dog and marveled that it was just like old times seeing me walking Savannah. Tonight I was taking down the garbage and the old lady across the street yelled out a hello, and we ended up talking for 20 minutes, and one of the first things she asked was "What's your partner's name, so if I see him walking the dog I can say hi to him!" We even have a rather legendary local garbage man (who knows half of the community by name and LOVED my ex-wife), and HE welcomed me back to the neighborhood The level of acceptance and welcome that we have encountered has been almost surreal. I feel like I should be examining people's scalps for hidden rainbow tattoos or something. But I have to tell you, at least in my corner of the world, being out is a surprisingly happy place to be, The few people I have encountered in the past 8 years who have a problem with it have also been easy to ignore, because they really have no good argument for rejecting me, and in at least one case, was quite aware that she wasn't going to get to me and simply gave up, I am glad I had a few years away for the dust to settle and for people to move on to new things to gossip about, But I am equally happy that so many people are able to see that being gay doesn't make you different or unwelcome or someone to be avoided. For those of you still struggling, many people have evolved a lot in the past few years, and you may very well find that you will be accepted as a gay person equally as well as a straight one, It's a very different environment from my high school years in the 1970s where people whispered about so-and-so, or even in 2014 when I was the scandal of the neighborhood. If you're on the fence about coming out because of fear, let yourself be happy. People may very well be happier for you than you expect,
Choirboy.....It is so good to hear a story like yours! We hear so much of the reverse and so little of things like what has happened to you. Thank you so very much for sharing this with all of us! .....David
So glad to hear this story Choirboy! It sounds as if your ex-wife didn’t poison the atmosphere, which is a real gift. You get to show up as you, and be re-embraced. I’m curious, and you don’t have to answer, but did your youngest in school speak to any side effects from the nosy-neighbor’s declaration, or the neighborhood picnics? I have found younger generations to be ok with the news, but teens can be pretty sensitive to how others might perceive them.
Great to read this. It's a post that charts your journey from being married and in the closet to living openly and authentically with another man and it should offer hope and inspiration to others who find themselves in the same conflicted place that you were once in. Thanks for sharing.
Great story. Thanks for sharing. Am curious also if you don’t mind me asking. How did your kids react to that?
@Bastion fortunately I told the girls before things started to circulate. They have been incredibly supportive right from the start, and consider my partner their bonus dad who they love dearly. My youngest is getting married in a year and wants the two of us to walk her up the aisle. Their mother is engaged and they prefer my guy to hers. Which, I'm ashamed to admit, is INCREDIBLY satisfying!!!
I'm so glad to hear that things have worked out well for you! I remember reading some of your posts while I was more active on here before and it is awesome to see that things have worked oit so well!
@Choirboy. Amazing. This kind of support is great. It shows that you are loved above all else. No matter what.
@Choirboy We come around to seeing and learning that most people are nice, good people. The sad part is that the very few who decide to cause harm cause a disproportionate amount of harm. That's why they come to the forefront when it comes to the negative mental energy we expend. It must be nice being in your old neighborhood and having gotten back into the swim of things as if you had never left!