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Married and wanting to embrace my true self.

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by morten, May 1, 2022.

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  1. morten

    morten
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    Hello everyone,
    So happy to have found a community like this. I am a cis-man who've had same-sex attraction all my life but fell in love with my now-wife when I was 20. Until recently, I thought it wasn't important to figure out my sexuality as I am already in a happy and fulfilling marriage.

    However, I feel I have missed out on certain experiences in my life by being in a monogamous relationship for the last 15 years. Now, I want to come to terms with who I am and be fully me.

    My wife is one of the only people I have come out to. She's very supportive, and it's been a huge relief to talk to her.

    I am hoping to find like-minded people here with similar experiences.
    I look forward to connecting.
     
    #1 morten, May 1, 2022
  2. quebec

    quebec
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    morten.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give support if you need it and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) :old_big_grin: when that becomes necessary! There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Sexual Orientation”, there are a lot of people there who have dealt with the same kind of issues that are challenging you.
    *****When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: :old_cool:
    *****    To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership.
    *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! :old_rolleyes: If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message.

    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #2 quebec, May 1, 2022
  3. Jakebusman

    Jakebusman
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    Hi welcome I also fellcin love with my now wife at 20/21 I also feel like I missed out on oppunitys
     
    #3 Jakebusman, May 1, 2022
  4. BiShark

    BiShark
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    There are definitely a lot of us with similar experiences here. I'm almost 48 and been married since 2004. I only discovered I was bi about 5-6 years ago, so I've never had a male partner.

    While that is frustrating, I am committed to my marriage. One of the things I've been trying to figure out is how I can explore and express that side of me while being true to my marriage.
     
    #4 BiShark, May 1, 2022
  5. Stitch57

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    Hey Welcome! I hope you can what you need here!
     
    #5 Stitch57, May 2, 2022
  6. Sunchimes

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    Hello and welcome :slight_smile:

    I was in your position quite a few years ago. It’s tough but I’m so glad that you have talked to your wife and that’s she is supportive.

    There are many who understand you here who have been through this or who are going through it.
     
    #6 Sunchimes, May 2, 2022
  7. Maldoone

    Maldoone
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    Hi Morten. Me too. Very similar story. Would love to share experiences. Do write
     
    #7 Maldoone, May 2, 2022
  8. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Welcome to EC. :slight_smile:
     
    #8 LostInDaydreams, May 2, 2022
  9. CapnMal

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    Hello morten and welcome to EC!
     
    #9 CapnMal, May 2, 2022
  10. FLGUY39

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    39 here. Was married for 9 years. 2 kids. Same boat but not willing to make that jump.....yet...maybe never.
     
    #10 FLGUY39, May 2, 2022
  11. morten

    morten
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    Thanks for the welcome. I don't know how you feel, but I am so torn between on one hand feeling privileged that I found someone to share my life with at a young age, but then on the other hand not getting a variety of experiences during my 20s. I have had a few experiences with men before meeting my wife—but I've never had a more romantic relationship to a man, which is something I wonder what would be like.
    I'd be happy to share thoughts and experiences. I can't send messages yet though.
     
    #11 morten, May 2, 2022
  12. morten

    morten
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    Would love to share and reflect on these things together. I can't message anyone yet though.
     
    #12 morten, May 2, 2022
  13. Jakebusman

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    I totally feel the same way
     
    #13 Jakebusman, May 2, 2022
  14. BiShark

    BiShark
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    Likewise here, all of that. The way I think of it is that I'm glad I got where I am, I just wish I'd taken a different path to get here. There are a lot of us in this boat.
     
    #14 BiShark, May 3, 2022
  15. Maldoone

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    I'm still with my wife of now 32 years. There's no sex, but then there was little of that anyway. After coming out to her five years ago I sometimes wonder what it was all about. Today I worked something out. Once upon a time I would ignore my attraction to (some) guys. That was in a a box, kicked away. Now it's with me all the time. And I'm a much much more complete guy. My sexuality is known about more widely than I might like to think, but I'm not frightened about that any more. I would know now how to have that conversation. But here's the thing: nobody does ask! It's about time I got myself to a gay bar!....btw great that your wife is supportive. Not my experience sadly.
     
    #15 Maldoone, May 3, 2022
  16. Rayland

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    Hello and welcome to the EC! :slight_smile:
     
    #16 Rayland, May 3, 2022
  17. Hillary B

    Hillary B
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    Welcome to EC.
     
    #17 Hillary B, May 6, 2022
  18. hopefulB

    hopefulB
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    Welcome! This community is here for you. :slight_smile: congrats on the big first steps.
     
    #18 hopefulB, May 6, 2022
  19. bsg75apollo

    bsg75apollo
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    Your story is similar to mine as well. I was 21 when I married my high school sweetheart. That cuts out a lot of room for figuring yourself out. We're not married anymore, but am remarried. I came out to her as bi about a month ago. Turns out she's bi as well.
     
    #19 bsg75apollo, May 6, 2022
  20. morten

    morten
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    Yes, definitely doesn't give much room to explore and figure yourself out. While I am happy with the deep relationship my wife and I have having known each other for very long, the lack of experience is something I sometimes miss.
    Congrats on coming out to your partner. Did she tell you she was bi too then or did you know before?
     
    #20 morten, May 7, 2022
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