Your AHA! Moment

It's kind of hard to answer that. When I was younger, I didn't recognize the feelings for what they were. It wasn't clear what was going on until I had my first crush on a real person not just some theoretical guy. I've always been aware of a same sex attraction. It was only recently that it sunk in how exhausting it is trying to hide part of yourself all the time and how much of a toll it took on me mentally and physically.

 

Like bsg75apollo said, there’s been awareness of same sex attraction. For me, it’s more attraction to the male anatomy than the person. Even in the few encounters I’ve had, I’ve never been able to let go enough to come with another guy. In the last year, I’ve been more accepting of my desire to have sex with men.

 

Mine was 5 yrs. ago . I was at the nude beach talking by the water with these two guys. One was uncut and I could'nt help but stare at his member. Ibecame very aroused and was thinking how much I wanted him. Never had those feelings before.

 

I was attracted to guys after I saw Brendan Fraser in George of the Jungle. Brendan Fraser being shirtless for most of the film awoke the gayness within me. I didn’t want to talk about it with my parents though because I was afraid that they would reject me. It caused me stress and anxiety which my parents noticed on their own. They didn’t want me to suffer so we had a conversation about it. I was able to come out and they accepted me. Came out again to two close friends who reacted the same way.

 

Well, bi in my case, but there wasn't really any single thing. I can think of three distinct moments that were a part of, though it's still not really that simple and there were a lot of little things leading up to each of these moments.

The first was I started to find myself thinking about men while masturbating. Most often while using a dildo... That had been a part of my, uh, 'repertoire' since I was a teen, and early on it was mostly just about the sensations (or at least that's what I told myself) but at some point I started having fantasies that I was actually being penetrated by another man while using a dildo, and not just playing with a toy.

That was probably when started to consciously think about it but I wasn't quite there yet.

Next was something I talked about in my welcome post. At one point my wife and I discussed having an Open Marriage (though we ultimately decided not to). It was her idea and I was initially resistant because I didn't really want a girlfriend, but started to come around to the idea when I realized it meant I could maybe pursue having a boyfriend.

At that point I pretty much knew I was bisexual and came out to my wife, though I did make one last attempt to hide from it a bit, thinking to myself that I was ' just' bi-curious or that I "thought I might be bi".

Over the last few weeks I have finally shed that and really started to fully accept this as a part of me, which was one of the things that led me here.

I don't know what the specific trigger for this was beyond that maybe I was just getting tired of hiding and wanted all my cards on the table.

 

I meant to add (and missed the edit window) that I think part of why this started to break through my repression was because it then had the possibility of becoming something I could actually directly act on, which was really exciting.

Ultimately that didn't happen, but I'm ok with that and I'm very happy with where I am now, just being able to be fully open about it, both with myself, and with friends and family as I start to come out is really great.

 

Things will never be 100% perfect for LGBT

 

In my case it was the first time I had sexual relations with another man. I couldn’t believe that such sensuality, passion and pleasure could be attained with another man. I knew that night with question I was gay.

 

There was no one signal moment for me, it was more like many moments that culminated over the years that finally made me give in an accept what I always knew, I was gay. The final moment that made me start my journey was the overwhelming desire to kiss one of my male friends. I couldn't believe just how strong it was. Suppression had been easy up until this point but I really had to fight it that time.

Other moments include loving gay porn, not being interested in women and having to fake it to avoid detection and having mainly incredibly vivid homosexual sex dreams, just to mention a few. As I got older it got more difficult to suppress and hide, with some guessing or questioning my sexuality. I knew I was always going to get to this stage. I had dreaded it for many years but I need not. Being gay is beautiful. It feels so right.

 

For me I never had an "aha" moment. It was more an evolution than a revolution. Although if there's one moment that stands out it's when I bought my first gay magazine (pre-internet), and I could not believe how turned on I got while masturbating to the pictures.

 

For me I realized my fantasies had switched to being guys. All. The. Time. So different, and why was it happening at my age?!
I wondered what was going on, and eventually went to a therapist. Pretty quickly figured out I was bisexual.

But I also remember back to middle school (many decades ago), when a new friend told me he loved me. I asked if that meant he wanted to kiss, he said no. Was he just being shy? I don’t know why he said no, but I realized I was disappointed (I was too shy to tell him that). It didn’t seem odd, or wrong, or yucky - but I also mostly had crushes on girls.

 

My same sex attraction had always been there, I just didn't know there was a both option. Then, later, it resurfaced, stronger than before. I guess it's just a matter of internalized homophobia mixed with actual stigma.

 

When I was growing up, I always felt like I had feelings for guys too. I would see a good looking guy on TV or in pictures and would get a good feeling in my heart. At the time, I didn’t know what I was feeling.

I think my moment came just about a year to year and a half ago (early 30’s) when I began to come to the realization that I was bisexual. In my 20’s I thought I was bi-curious, but slowly through a lot of heart searching, felt that being bi was more me. I think another thing I noticed in me, especially recently, has been that I’ve had more feminine mannerisms when I’m alone. The feminine part of me makes me feel more connected to myself more than before and it feels great.

I’m grateful to have figured out my sexuality, even though I’m still trying to fully accept that I’m bi. I love being able to like both women and men and to be able to be myself, it’s beautiful feeling!