Hi everyone, I've been looking for a place online to talk about and explore this for a little while and I think this may be the place. For starters, I'm a (nearly) 48-year old guy, married to a woman for about 18 years. Around 4-5 years ago I realized that I was bisexual. Backing up... I think I sort of knew it for a lot longer than that but didn't really allow myself to acknowledge it consciously. Looking back over my life since coming to that realization there were signs as early as my teens that I didn't really understand or acknowledge and it was a long process to do so. I guess that shouldn't be a surprise; to me, at least, as I was kind of a late bloomer. I had some crushes (all girls) in High School that I never really acted on and I didn't try any real dating until I was in my 20s, not having a real girlfriend until around 25. I met my wife (who also identifies as bi, FWIW) a few years after that and we've been together since. At one point we had discussed having an open relationship and I think this was when I first really thought about it with myself openly, though we ultimately decided not to go through with that. I did eventually come out to my wife with this and she was supportive, though it was a surprise. She's the only one I've come out to publicly so far. She was willing to consider me exploring this some on the side, but I wasn't comfortable with that. Maybe that's odd, but while I'd have been ok if both of us had that (if we'd gone ahead with an open relationship, for instance) but it wouldn't have felt right if it were just me. So part of where I am right now is finding "safe" ways to explore this side of myself that are consistent with being true to my marriage. I'll save talk on specifics on that until I'm a little more comfortable here, both with myself, and with the culture here to be sure I'm inline with that.
BiShark.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give support if you need it and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. In particular you may want to check out the forums that are titled "LGBT Later in Life” and "Sexual Orientation" there are a lot of people there who have dealt with the same kind of problems that are challenging you. *****When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message. .....David
Boy, I could have posted this myself. I am almost 49, married for 14 years to a woman who also identifies as bi. We haven't discussed an open marriage, but I'm not sure that I'm really comfortable with that anyway. I have officially been out for almost a week now. I've told about a dozen people so far. So, in short, I can relate.
It seems there's a lot of people in a similar position. On the open marriage part, it was originally my wife's idea and I was initially very skeptical of it but came around to thinking about it. In the end it didn't really matter because we mutually decided not to go ahead with it. In any case I think that's one of the things that kind of made this click in my mind because while I was thinking about it I knew I didn't want a girlfriend and I think it sort of opened my mind up to the possibility of having a boyfriend and once I thought about that it all came together and looking back at different parts of my life was like, "duh, of COURSE!"... On one level I regret not realizing this earlier as I would have explored it more fully if I had, but at the same time I am happy where I am and like I mentioned in my first post I'm thinking of ways to express and explore that side of me even if I never actually experience having a male partner. As far as being out, I'm OK where I am right now. It wouldn't make a difference to most people who know me and I am mostly a pretty private person anyway, but I have been thinking about maybe coming out to a couple close friends just because I think it would feel good having a few people who knew me a little more deeply. I have a few friends in mind, who I know will be supportive.
Thanks. I looked around a few different online forums and found several that looked good but this one called out to me the most. Will definitely explore around the site some more and will reach out if I have questions. Thanks! So far, so good. At the very least it was nice to see a post almost immediately from someone who was in a very similar place to me. Just that by itself is a great feeling.
Hi welcome to EC I also am a married Bi man too but came out 5 years ago to friends and family knew in 3rd grade at 8 I liked both boys and girls
So I've only been in here a few days and taken part in a conversations and it's already been a positive thing. One thing I'm considering as a result is coming out, just a few people at first but eventually maybe fully. So far, the only person I'm out with is my wife. Part of the reason I didn't seriously consider it before was that i thought that being married to a woman in a committed relationship meant that it's not really making any practical difference in my day to day life, so there wasn't much point, but I'm no longer feeling like that is the case. I've felt more complete since realizing this about myself and even more so just chatting about it here in a more open way, so I'm feeling now that I want at least close friends and family to know because it is an important part of who I am, even though I haven't had a male partner yet. So nothing decided for sure yet, but I'm giving this some thought. I'll probably start a thread in the Coming Out forum when I get closer and/or if I need any specific advice or encouragement. I can say that the first people I have in mind will not be a challenge at all, three people ( a married couple and a mutual friend). They're all awesome people and are very sympathetic, one of them is gay, another bi and the couple are poly, so they're very open-minded and supportive. I figure they'll be an easy start.
Yes, I found that element really helpful when I first joined EC. It helped me to validate my feelings and believe that I wasn’t making it all up.
