Here goes, hello everyone, I am 49 and I AM A LESBIAN! Whew, that felt good and right and wrong and so many other feelings at the same time. I am currently in my 4th marriage and I have tried so hard, to be straight to make everyone else happy, now its my turn. I lost my mom to the pandemic and that gave me the courage to finally be myself. I hope that doesn't sound as evil as it looks, because i believe there will a lot of good that comes out of this bad situation. Still living with my husband, I have tried to tell him, but it just makes him want a threesome. I have reached the point where I can't placate him anymore, because it feels like rape. That's a harsh word, but what else is it if I'm only doing it to make him happy. That's a discussion for another forum. I'm currently in therapy, for the first time in my life and can't stop asking why I didn't do it earlier. Yesterday I had a huge revelation and now I need more support than just my therapist. I need all of you who have been there and done this before. I'm just now learning to accept myself as a lesbian, not bisexual like I thought for all these years. I placated everyone in my life, except me. I've realized that I'm not dead yet and can still live my life on my terms, finally. So, here I am, almost out and learning to be proud. How you doin'?? (in Joey voice)
Big hello @Meredith C and welcome to EC! Well done for finally becoming “you”! Your story mirrors my own. We are similar age and I had to come out when I was older after years of struggling to remain straight. I was also married and at first identified as bisexual. I can feel the joy and excitement in your post and share the feeling with you of finally getting there and saying “Hey this is me!! This is who I really am” I’ve been there and it’s a fair old mix of being elated and then a “where do I go from here?” When you’re in a marriage it is so tough to come out and change your whole life but it does get easier. The hard bit has been done (as in making him aware). You’ve told him. Now you have to lay down those boundaries and change things to make things better for you. I did exactly what you are doing here and I found support and friendship In a forum. It sure does help and I’m glad you’re here!
Thank you so much, thru my good tears. Im realizing and finally accepting that Im not crazy and my feelings are valid. It's hard for me to reach out, but I am getting better. Getting a counselor was my first and best step. Then finding "The Lesbian Chronicles" and hearing my thoughts being said out loud. And then finally realizing that all of this has been so hard for me because I have to accept myself first and foremost before anyone else can. That was a "HOLY SHITBALLZ!!!" realization. So now I am becoming a little more comfortable in my marathon, than I was in my sprint. I have SOOOOO much processing to do and I'm not being fair to my husband by hiding what I'm going through. I know I am going to have to have a serious sit down conversation and we need to begin the process. Its truly the only right thing to do. You're absolutely right, I have to begin setting my boundaries where he is concerned. All of that being said, I am making this weekend about processing my feelings and seeing my therapist again on Monday. Which forum was most helpful for you? On a side note, I am a complete virgin at 49 to participating in online forums. This is really my first, as my honest self. I am also in the process of learning IT for the first time. Maybe I am crazy. Nah, I am beginning my life. My question is this, is there a way to have autocorrect on here? I'm rusty with my typing and vocabulary. All comments, suggestions and help is very welcome at this time in my life, cause I don't really know what the hell I'm doing. But I'm doing it, because it finally feels right.
Hi Welcome to the EC family so happy your finally living for you and not pleasing others Ive been down that road
You’re doing great!!! My typing online is terrible and I have to constantly re-read everything I’ve written before I finally post it. I’ve been in forums for years and I still do things wrong haha. The forum I went in was one for bisexual ladies and most were married and realised they had feelings for women. So at the time it helped me until i evolved on my journey. That forum doesn’t exist any more. But it helped me so much at the time. It’s great that you’re taking your life into your own hands. I had to do this after a lifetime of living for everyone else. You end up cracking up and there comes the point where you just have no other option but to just take control. If you need any help with anything just pop a message on my profile. If I can help I will do
Meredith C.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give support if you need it and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "LGBT Later in Life”, there are a lot of people there who have dealt with the same kind of problems that are challenging you. When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message. .....David
Hey welcome to EC, you will find plenty of stories here which are similar to yours, what you are feeling is completely normal.
Welcome to EC. I’ve been in a similar situation myself and found EC to be very helpful. I hope that you find support here too. Congratulations on all your progress so far, and also sorry for the loss of your mum.
