I personally don't think so, but i wanna hear other opinions. even though i agree it helps a lot, but i think just sitting down, talking with yourself and feelings especially if you're a guy (we never do that) and using imagination without judgement or shame, i believe we are born with a sexual orientation even if research doesn't support it, i feel like i've always been bisexual even before knowing what sex is, like am talking about 7 year old!! i always felt an attraction towards both women and men, i didn't know what it was but it's like magnet drawing me towards certain people i found attractive, just a feeling of excitement and more than friendship intimacy towards them. what are your thoughts?
Hello @Hope4love I think the same. Before I even had sex I knew who I was attracted to. My sexuality has been fluid and then settled on one thing but I always knew what those feelings of attraction were long before acting upon them.
@Hope4love I think that what you say makes plenty of sense and a lot of us have experienced what you've experienced.
Hope4love.....No I do not think that anyone has to have sex to know their orientation. It's quite obvious that there are more straight folks in the world than there are in the LGBTQIA+ community and I am pretty sure that they will tell you that they knew they were straight long before they ever had sex. I think it's the same for most people who are queer also. However, society has pushed a heteronormative environment so hard for so long that many of us are either afraid or just don't recognize our true sexuality until later than we would have if our society was more accepting. You can actually see things beginning to change today as more people are accepting that they are not straight at a younger age. That doesn't mean that there are suddenly more queer people, it means that more people who are queer are willing to come out sooner as they feel that it is safe to do so. And in many cases, people are coming out who a few years or decades ago would not have ever come out at all. .....David :gay _pride_flag:
To simply answer this, no, it's not a must at all. I should've known I'm bi at eleven, and that's when we were supposed to have been given 'the talk' because of a particular lesson in science (and the onset of the living hell known as puberty).
Great question. For me, I knew I was sexually attracted to men but thought at the time, incorrectly, there was a glitch in my development and I would grow out of it. I think keeping all of this inside, save when alone and in your head, likely is why its hard to accept ones sexuality. That said, when I began to make peace with being gay it did more to confirm my identity than when I slept with a man for the first time. In that case, the sex was 'meh', but I didn't doubt it being natural and more inline with the core of who I am. When with women, it was enjoyable but just seemed there was a fundamental lacking despite the intimacy and enjoyment in the sex.
Nope, I agree with you: you don't have to have sex or engage in any kind of sexual activity to know your orientation. As we often say, it's attraction that decides, not action. If action were the sole or even primary indicator, that would make a great deal of experimenting straight people not quite so straight, and the same for homosexual individuals who came out late due to fear, guilt, or shame. I do agree that sex can help make things feel more definitive in that regard, maybe give us a clearer idea of what does or doesn't work for us and the kinds of people we're attracted to. But is it the end all, be all? No. And likewise, I know my first crush on a girl was long before there were sexual feelings associated with it. Same for boys. Children experience feelings first as a sort of stepping stone for when they are of age to experience sexual feelings; it's kind of like demo-ing for the kinds of qualities we like and seek in future relationships.
For the sake of nuance, I will say I think it's fair to point out that - while not mutually exclusive - most people do have a distinction between being attracted to someone and wanting to engage in sex with that person. To directly answer, however, no. Orientation is built around your general sense of attraction, it's not a deep descriptor. We're all different and have different wants and needs within our different orientations, straight people included. Straights do have their obsession with "proof" don't they...
Perhaps the need to define one's sexuality is a desire for control or for power (by others and within ourselves). Great point about straights and "proof". Always surprises me the multivarious and subtle controls on discourse there are.
I don’t think so. I knew I was very, very much attracted to girls based on how looking at them made me feel “down there.” I ended up having s*x with men to try it out bc everyone kept telling me I haaad to try it. I kept trying it and it really wasn’t for me. Then I tried girls and it felt sooo natural! Besides - straight ppl/society *always* assume that a child is straight. They joke about their kids liking the opposite gender etc - and these are just kids!!
It’s such an important question I think and I’ve thought a lot about it, too. Reading everyone’s responses here feels good and validating… And I agree and really don’t think one needs to have sex in order to know or at least have a pretty good inkling about their orientation. Like that wouldn’t be a question I would ask someone, I would accept what they tell me about themselves. But from my personal experience… because I’ve started to come out only very recently, I sometimes feel differently about this for myself because of the responses I’ve gotten. After those encounters I’ve had to sit with myself and go really deep within and trust my body and what I’ve been learning about myself… from feelings I have around women and my erotic imagination. Still, sometimes I feel I’m only 95% sure because I don’t have that experience. This makes me feel a bit confused as I am changing my life pretty significantly to pursue this.
In simple answer, no. Sexuality is about sex(I guess), but straight men don't need to have sex with another man to "just know". Same is true for us LGBTQ folk. I've never had sex, yet I know that I would be fine with a man or a woman or even a non-binary person. How I learned was start with romanticism (dating, kissing, cuddling) then worked my way up the intimacy chain. Honestly, this question seems to get thrown at me a lot. I knew I was bi from a young age(I thought with the pan mentality: I'll date anyone as long as they're nice). In short, only you can know yourself fully. If you need to sexually experiment, go ahead. It's not required, though.
