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Aha Moment for Me

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by bsg75apollo, Mar 28, 2022.

  1. bsg75apollo

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    This may sound like a well, duh moment to some, but it represents a major shift in thinking for me. I have always thought of the me that presents himself to the world is the real me and the same same sex attraction me is the alternate. My therapist suggested that as an exercise, I should have the two of them a conversation. Well, tonight they did. During the course of the conversation I came to realize that the one that I thought of as the alternate me is in fact the real me. It probably should have been obvious but it wasn't.
     
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    Hi @bsg75apollo

    I understand what you’re describing and it doesn’t sound like a “duh” moment to me. It takes time to undo old thought patterns. It’s hard to know who you really are when you’ve lived a pretence for so long.

    It sounds like therapy is going well and this is really positive. I’m happy for you. :slight_smile:
     
  3. caden0803

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    It probably feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders so congragulations.
     
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  4. BiGemini87

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    Definitely not a duh moment. You'd be surprised how often people trick themselves into believing that the mask is the real them, and not just the part they project subconsciously to protect themselves. It sounds like you're making great strides with therapy too, which is great! I hope things continue going well for you on this journey. :slight_smile:
     
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  5. dch

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    It doesn't sound like a "duh" moment to me either, or if it is, it's certainly one I can relate to. It's taken me many years to really become aware of my attraction to men and the ways I've rationalized, dismissed, and/or tried to forget it. I'm glad that you're able to embrace the real you.
     
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  6. Contented

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    At first I too felt as I was two different people. Partly I think to try to hold on to the idea I was straight while the whole time fantasizing about guys. It took awhile but I realized with the help of therapy it was really only one gay guy there afraid to face the reality of my long standing, well hidden homosexual. It was relief to finally let go of the compulsory heterosexuality.
     
  7. Ron961

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    Thanks for sharing. That's a really good exercise. I will try it if it works without a therapist.

    @Contented I'm in this same position, acknowledged I am bi but think I'm really gay. I've read your posts and they inspire me. I also feel like I am two different people and have led a double life for really long (secretly dating men while being in a heterosexual relationship) and not feeling guilty because yeh.. we're not the same person.

    I just wonder how and when you realized you were one and the same and accepted the fact that you're gay? How long did it take?
     
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  8. Contented

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    I was involved with a long time GF when I started to develop an attraction to a gay co worker. Over the course of a few months a friendship grew into something more. Even after the first sexual experience with him, which rocked my world, I tried the bi label. It just did work for me as within a 2 or 3 months I had zero attraction to my then GF. Yet for a few more months I tried to fake it. I started seeing a therapist because I was trying and failing to compartmentalize my 2 personalities. He helped me realize that in under all the pretense was a gay man struggling against his homosexuality. Once I identified that struggle within a month I was out of the heterosexual relationship, embraced my same sex relationship and within about 6 months started the process of coming out as gay. Identifying the struggle was such a huge relief. The first time I admitted to myself out loud I was gay felt absolutely incredibly right. Shedding my phony heterosexuality was a relief beyond measure. Not struggling to try to find women sexually attractive was such a liberating feeling. Knowing that I didn’t need a woman to feel complete was something that made me feel happy for the first time in years.
     
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  9. out2019

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    I am curious how did you actually do this? writing it out or role playing in your head?

    So true and we treat the real us as an a flaw.

    When I was first here and in denial, someone said my attraction to women would fade. I remember being terrified, but also I knew they were right... a few weeks went by and I caught myself looking at woman and automatically thought "I am glad I don't have to force myself to do that" and I realized I was relieved. I was actually trying to force myself to get aroused by women but didn't realize it.
     
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  10. bsg75apollo

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    I actually sat at the computer and wrote it. I gave myself a question and just wrote. Whichever side wanted to talk wrote and a conversation.
     
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  11. out2019

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    I have had a sense it's the reverse with me.