Actually Gay or "Ex-straight Habit"? Struggles of romance-positive asexual FtM

Greetings.

I'm a FtM transgender. However, I've realized that in the autumn of 2021, at the age of 23. So, most of my life I was perceiving myself through the lens of my assigned gender, even when I was identifying as nonbinary for several years (I was denying that I'm trans, bc of low level of body dysphoria).

On the other hand, I have realized that I'm asexual much earlier, in my late teens. I'm pretty sure of this part of my identity - I have never felt sexual attraction to anyone, I have never had interest in having sexual activity, reading NSFW fanfiction or watching porn, I even don't have erotic dreams. When I had crushes, it have always been about hugging, gifts exchange and kisses, but never about bedroom.

At the same time, I'm heavily romance-positive. I love romantic activities if they're not involving sex, which is simply pointless for me, and I really want to have a partner. I might be a little bit unemotional myself, as due to my asexuality and phlegmatic personality I'm rarely the first one to start feeling something (and I'm probably somewhere on greyromantic spectrum), but I would be happy if someone would have genuine feelings for me.

However, what's about WHOM I want romance with... Yeah, it's where I had a literal identity crisis since realized my actual gender.

As I said, for almost my entire life I have perceived myself as female, and later as AFAB nonbinary. No surprise that I have always been surrounded by people that were expecting me to marry a man one day. However, the idea of being in straight relationships has always been "off" for me. I couldn't see myself as a woman in relationships with a man. I felt that something is wrong, but because the idea of being a man myself haven't crossed my mind, I've started trying other labels. For a long time, I've used to identify as panromantic, but this term still haven't felt right.

When I've realized that I'm trans, I have started to perceive my sexuality from a different angle. The idea of being in relationships with another man became much more natural and comfortable, and I have starting acknowledging that I have actually never had crushes on women and fem-presenting nonbinary people, but I had crushes on men/masc nonbinary, even though I can count them on fingers, and even in popular media I have always been more interested in mlm/mlnb ships than wlw/wlnb or straight ones.

But at the same time it gave me doubts. Am I actually gay? Or my attraction to men is nothing more than an old habit?

I have always heard my relatives, co-workers, classmates, and other people I know, discussing that I will become someone's wife one day. Everyone have seen me as a straight girl by default. And I'm not sure that I'm not projecting this expectations on my "attraction". Being asexual makes things worse, because I can't just go and check if I find someone hot and want to have them in my bed, because I know I won't have this feeling anyway. I can only say if I want to be in relationships with them, and it makes things complicated because I don't fall in love on the spot, I need to know them in person, know their personality. My romantic attraction goes too much through my head, and I can't be sure if it's genuine attraction or just subconscious "I should be attracted to them". What if I'm not attracted to anyone at all? What if I'm subcutaneously blocking my attraction to other genders?

And so, the question itself.

Can you please give me some ideas how to figure out this thing? I know that I'm the one to make a final decision. But I'm confused and disoriented, and I don't know where to start. I want to finally find out who I'm attracted to or not attracted.

And yeah, two disclaimers:

1) Please don't try to push the "labels doesn't matter" philosophy on me. For some people this philosophy brings comfort, but not for me. I'm autistic, and one of things that autism makes way harder for me is trying to operate with abstract unnamed concepts. I feel anxiety when I can't name a thing and put it into imaginary box in my brain, so labels help me a lot.

2) Split sexuality and romantic attraction IS REAL for people on the aroace spectrum. It's not confirmed that it can work with people who're not on the aroace spectrum, but I have been on the aroace community for many years and it's actually a consensus among them that when you're ace or aro, you might have split sexuality. If you're not agree, then please ignore this thread, bc I don't want to spam here arguing with you.