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New deep down feeling(s)

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by brainwashed, Mar 16, 2022.

  1. brainwashed

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    The last couple weeks I have been experiencing a new never before feeling to find a boy friend. I have NEVER felt this before, ever. Specially towards women - spit, spit, yuk, yuk.

    I dream about a boyfriend looking out for me, me looking out for him. We do things together and of course, get into mischief. We travel internationally together and learn about the World and all it's wonderful people.

    He cooks dinner one night, I cook the next night.

    I have never dreamed / fantasized this kind of material ever before.
     
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  2. BiGemini87

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    Sounds to me like you're ready to settle down with someone. Perhaps the more you come to accept and embrace being gay, the clearer the path you wish to travel becomes. Now whether you embark on that path is entirely up to you. :slight_smile: Do you think you'll start actively looking for someone?
     
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  3. justaguyinsf

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    Congratulations, but I don't see the need or value in dissing women.
     
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  4. Contented

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    I think as you become more comfortable with your homosexuality you see the desire to be with another man growing. That desire is manifesting itself in wanting to be in a real relationship with another man. I think what you are experiencing is normal. You see the folly of trying to experience that with a woman. I understand your emotional reaction to women. After years of pretending and being subject to the whims of women I too find little use for them as emotional or sexual partners.
     
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  5. buzzer

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    Sounds like a lovely dream. I agree with BiGemini87 and Contented. It looks like you are ready to find that special guy and settle down. Sweet Dreams!
     
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  6. out2019

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    I could never figure out why I was never enthusiastic to date women. I felt the abstract desire for a girlfriend - now I realize it was just conformity- but I never longed for one or even tried that hard.... on the other hand the idea of a boyfriend gets me super-excited and giddy...I finally realized... Oh THIS is how a straight guy feels about dating women :slight_smile:

    When I was here and in denial, one of my turning points on EC was someone asking - imagine coming home from work, kissing someone and saying "I love you".

    I had never 'let' myself freely do that before (I had tried to force it about women) I closed my eyes and immediately thought of a cute guy and my heart started racing. That broke the barrier. Before that I could write of sexual fantasizing as a kink, but I knew then how deeply I wanted to be with another man. The fantasies like the ones you're having, grew from there!
     
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  7. brainwashed

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    Feelings and desire are like the economic supply and demand (price) curves, more supply, less demand, less price. As my desire for guys grows, my feelings and desire for women, which was never big at to begin with, grow less and less.
     
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  8. Contented

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    For me the desire to be with a woman started fading rather quickly after the first time I was intimate with my then BF. Within no time I wasn’t physically able to be with a woman and that was a total relief. It was as if I had proof positive I was done with heterosexuality and embraced being gay. I no longer had to pretend attraction to women that just wasn’t there.
     
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  9. brainwashed

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    Good info thank you.
     
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  10. brainwashed

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    Thank you for your comment about dissing women. I will say at this time the dissing, if indeed I was putting women down, was a subconscious act that was driven by decades of being wronged by women. I asked myself, nature or nurture? Definitely nurture.

    Small list of wrongs by women.
    Going into my wallet without my permission and getting information.
    Lying to a police officer about something I did.
    In an open group accommodation setting, throwing my belongings out of a room I had selected because she wanted the room instead.
    Sister labeling me as gay scum.
    Mother condemning me for being gay then sending me to conversion therapy.
    Much, much more.

    Get the idea? Now my question to you justaguyinsf is, how do I overcome my feelings of being wronged and get on with a more healthy attitude towards women?
    .
     
    #10 brainwashed, Mar 23, 2022
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2022
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  11. staticinmyattic

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    May I suggest a simple change in language? All those wrongs you’ve experienced were committed by humans who happened to be women. Was it being female that made them behave that way, or being human? I’ve been done dirty plenty of times by people of all genders. If you really think hard and are honest, I’m sure there’s a guy who’s been a jerk to you lurking in your memory. The point is that a person’s gender doesn’t make them a jerk. Being a jerk makes them a jerk.
     
  12. Chip

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    Competent therapy, which it does not sound like you've had much of so far, is going to be the solution to that. Unpacking and reframing.
     
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  13. Chip

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    Absolutely agreed.
     
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  14. justaguyinsf

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    You don't need therapy to overcome sexism. You need to acknowledge to yourself that people of all genders and sexual orientations are capable of doing things that are wrong and hurtful, and decide not to take cheap shots at women when you have the urge to do so.
     
  15. Chip

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    It doesn't work that way. The beliefs and experiences that underlie sexism aren't replaced by simply saying "everybody can do things wrong and hurtful" and, frankly, your statement is incredibly insensitive and not remotely compassionate.

    The beliefs and experiences any individual has are borne of their life experiences, wounds, and other factors. The behaviors are, for most, deeply rooted in unconscious beliefs. If it were as easy as you indicate, then racist bigots would only need to go "Oh, I understand now." And it doesn't work that way at all.

    Please don't minimize or devalue other people's experiences.
     
    #15 Chip, Mar 24, 2022
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2022
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  16. Gay Brett

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    Look at them as individuals not as a collective. They are definitely not all same. Being gay I find I relate to women sometimes more than men and value their friendships. I think you will only punish yourself if you hold onto this animosity about a group of people. In my view it was the individuals you had conflicts with not their gender and certainly not other women who don’t even know them.
     
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  17. brainwashed

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    a) Therapy underway.....finally.
    b) Agree it's a unconscious behavior. I recognize this and stated above.
    c) I am amazed that once the hurt by my mom started, the spark, the flame (fire) continued to grow. My feelings were a tower. Once the tower started to lean, it leaned more. Its like my feeling towards Russians now that Russia has invaded Ukraine. I know that not all Russians are bad but I have to consciously tell myself this. I have Russian friends and they are very much human beings and have feelings just like the rest of us.
     
    #17 brainwashed, Mar 25, 2022
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2022
  18. Nealg

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    I long for that feeling
     
  19. Contented

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    Nealg it is such an incredible feeling when you finally acknowledge that women are no longer any distraction what so ever. It allows you to embrace your homosexuality without second guessing, doubts or reservations. I love being a gay man, I feel I am finally honestly who I am.
     
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  20. Nealg

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    I am getting to that point Contented. I am done trying to force myself to be attracted and since I have finally accepted my homosexuality, I can no longer perform no matter how hard I try to put my mind through all the contortions.