Am I Too Late?

That’s a lot. But not too much for the right person and I don’t think it’s anybody’s business until you feel comfortable with them. If they have a chance to get to know you independent of your past and accept you as you are, it bodes well for sharing more details as and when you’re up to it. And really, the longer it takes you to find this special person, the further into the past these things recede. Of course, you want to balance how long you need before revealing some of the hard stuff and how long is too long if they turn out not to be understanding but the more people you meet, the more you’ll get the feel for who is trustworthy and who isn’t.
You’ll get there. Just do what makes you happy. :}

 

Hi Royal1985, s***, that's a lot to deal with!

To answer your subject line question - no, it's never too late to find happiness. Though if you've been dealt a crap hand (like it sounds you have) you have to work twice as hard for it.

First of all do you have friends you can confide in? With the amount of stuff you've got to deal with, I'd say having a good support structure around you is essential.

Second - are you in or have you done therapy? I don't want to sound like an evangelist for it, but it can be beneficial if you get the right person..

Yes. I don't know about you but I really appreciate honesty in relationships. Though that does come with a few caveats - I wouldn't tell a potential girlfriend about what happened to your mother on a first date! But, generally speaking, authenticity is what we all crave, isn't it?

Above all else, good luck. Don't give up. Lean in towards the light. Like all of us, you deserve to find happiness.

Beth x

 

Hey I agree that it is never too late. I also agree with @Really you just have to find the right person and sure that isnt going to be easy in the situation you are in. I know it is hard but you have to try not to take it too personally when people arent right for you, there are people who arent right for you too for whatever reason. Some people are super fickle and sure thats sad but ultimately if that is the kind of person they are then they are probably not the person you want to be with either.
In the meantime I would say perhaps you can try and continue your self development, you didnt say whether you have had any therapy to deal with the things that you have been through but if you arent having any then I think that could be a good place to start, especially if you still have suicidal thoughts.

 

I really can't add anything that hasn't already been said in the great replies above. Best wishes to you.

 

At some point in time in a relationship, keeping the past hidden will be a greater burden than letting it all out.

 

It’s certainly not easy. I’m not sure anyone likes rejection. Would it be possible for you to find an LGBT group in your area that you could possibly attend?

 

You absolutely are not, Royal1985. It sounds like you really have got it incredibly tough at the moment.

I wish I could say something that would make it easier. You are obviously supporting your dad through a difficult time in his life, but you need support yourself. There is EC, of course. But I know it's not the same as in real life. I would along go to the Pride center and just slip some little white lie to your dad.

But whatever happens know that you have support here, a place to vent and a space where you'll always be accepted.

Hugs, Beth

 

Don’t worry I don’t think anyone is thinking that. You are clearly going through lots of tricky things. As Mirko said it doesn’t mean they will be like this forever.

 

It really isn't, Royal. You're in your mid 30s. It may take a while for you to sort things out, but once you do you could have decades of a happier life ahead of you.

My story, briefly: I've had my fair share of ups and downs and yes there was a spell in my mid to late 30s when I was suffering from depression (I'm 52 now). Looking back, I know why - I was still coming to terms with my mother's death and whilst I knew deep down I was trans I wasn't ready yet to confront it.

It took the combination of my partner's sudden death in early 2020 + Covid lockdown for me to come to terms with it. 2020 was hell. My stepson's father tried (indeed, is still trying) to take my house away from me. And then I had a breakdown.

I'm mentioning this not in some weird misery oneupmanship, but because all throughout that time I knew I just had to keep going, that somehow if I was to keep putting one foot in front of one another I would get through this and somehow at some point might get better. And they have, slightly. I'm still in the mire, in a lot of ways, but I know I'm going to survive.

So keep going and you will make it that far. Find comfort in small things and reach out to support both in real life and here online. Like I said in an earlier post, we're all here for you on EC.

Hugs, Beth

 

Hi. I'm Lydia. I've got a lot to say. Tried to send it through a PM, but it looks like this is going public. Forgive me if it's a bit tactless, but I've read your posts here and on your profile and I think what I wrote needs to be said.

First of all, I know you don't know me, and you don't owe me anything, but I want you to know I'm only reaching out because I really do care. And I might be a bit stern at times, and even a bit profane. But that's just to get through the shell; you know the one. If I cross a line, tell me to screw off or whatever, but you've got a few walls up, girl, and I care enough to punch through to try and help you.

Second off, I truly understand how you feel, both academically and personally. I know you probably hear that a lot, but I actually do. If you want to be frank about it, those oppressive, unshakable feelings of sadness and failure and insecurity are not exclusive to you. They're actually common enough, doctors have figured out ways to treat them. Medically. Scientifically.

Snub your nose at well-wishers chanting "it'll get better" to your heart's content, believe me, I know how hollow those words ring when you're suffering that way.

But since science is the reason you're reading these words, maybe consider my point. Talk to somebody. You're not cursed or haunted or hated, you're overwhelmed and tired and you need treatment and possibly chemical rebalancing.

Before you object, NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT, and don't you dare be ashamed. Because I'm not going to be told that the thing that's kept me alive and made me a demonstrably better person the past 8 months is a shameful mistake that doesn't change anything.

And I won't be told you've tried it before, because you didn't. You dipped your toes, it didn't work, and you gave up. We all do that. We all do that. We all do that. You want it to stop and you go to the appointments and you take the pills and it just doesn't stop.

Well, it won't stop. You know what it'll do? It'll get better. Each time you try, you'll get a result. You'll learn. You'll grow. You'll see.

The challenge is there's no one thing you have to do. It's a routine, a regimen, a duty to self. It comprises all the elements that keep you from those dark places. Journaling, talk therapy, medication, support groups, exercise, meditation, dietary changes, all, maybe just a few, maybe other things entirely.

But you already took the first step. You came here and you opened up. I believe you can take the next one. Reach out. Find someone who can help. There are people, even if you don't have a penny in your pocket, who can guide you. There's a lot of personal work that has to be done, but it can be done, and lots of people are ready and willing to help.

I'm one of them. I know I can't do much, but this is the best I got. You can do this. I won't hear you can't, because I know you can.

And even if all I've done is piss you off, then go ahead and prove me wrong. I mean it, go take a month, really commit, and if I'm totally wrong and it's still as terrible as it's always been, then congratulations. You have license for the rest of our natural lives to tell me all the ways I can go fuck myself.

No kidding. I won't block you, I won't report you... Christ, I'll give you my contact information. You can start each morning telling me exactly what part of my anatomy I can attempt to shove inside my ass that day at your convenience.

But for real. Make an appointment to talk to someone. Drink a big glass of water and go for a short walk. Open a word document and type every angry thought you've got about everyone, then delete it. Maybe do all of them.

You're here. You want help. This is someone offering it. I'm not a professional. But I'm like you. And I really do care. Don't give up.

Of fucking course it's not too late. Of course it's not. I hate to be rude, but that's ridiculous.

There are people in their 70's climbing mountains, and you're convinced you can't find a woman who loves you because you're not in your 20's anymore? 3.9 billion of us runnin' around, and not one who'll put up with your farts and wrinkles, huh? Well, I don't want to be that girl, but... like... really? Hon. Really? Come on now!

Even if you just hate me now, hang in there.

Please. Don't give up!

You're worth saving. You'll know that one day. I know that right now.

With love, sister