Possibly Gay, trying to accept

Hi @hopefulB -
I can sure see how you could have been exposed to that idea, but I never got that programming. I do remember as an adolescent hearing my mother say that people look better with their clothes on. (I disagree). Since then I’ve spent more than my share of time appreciating the beauty of the nude male body. Isn’t it delightful to be able to share that appreciation with others?

 

It sure is. Incredibly liberating and empowering.

 

It is truly a shame that we have been indoctrinated by toxic heteronormative programming to believe that a man’s body is not as appealing as that of a woman’s. When I spend time thinking about this it drive me crazy. How can anyone deny there is beauty in the male form. Why is a nude woman deemed attractive or pleasing to eye with bare breasts or vagina however a nude man ugly or unattractive because of a penis. Hopefully as we grow as a society and we start to eliminate these antiquated sexual norms we can start to appreciate beauty as beauty in any form male or female. We should not have to ashamed of enjoying the beauty of the male form.

 

Couldn't agree more. But maybe it's also modern Victorian society that's done this to use. Adoration of the male form in Greece and Rome was common.

 

I remember cute guys hitting on me and becoming angry and nervous, I realize its not much different to a (straight) girls reaction when a guy they like hits on them and they put up a defense.

 

That totally makes sense! I have had that same reaction so many times, like I was resentful they were making me feel this way.

 

@Contented

This is an indoctrination I’m not sure that I have had. I don’t remember anywhere that actual exposed genitalia of either sex has been widely accepted. I, certainly, was never aware of “art” that included views of vaginas. A brief glimpse of classic art and paintings really show not a lot of difference, in my view, of what is OK. Maybe it’s because a mans part’s are “out there” and a woman’s not so much?

Growing up, I don’t remember my parents having an opinion one way or another. In fact, if anything, art has been friendlier to men...in my opinion.

 

Reading through this thread I remembered being in a college class and looking around the room during the lecture. I locked eyes with a guy and we smiled to each other. He was a swimmer and had an amazing body, a pleasant face, and curly blonde hair. When we locked eyes I felt this amazing electricity surge through my body, I don’t know how else to describe it. I haven’t ever felt the same thing again. If Empty Closets had existed then, I would have written all about it, then asked you all, “What should I do now?”.

I don’t think I’ve ever told a single soul about that. It’s really nice to be able to tell you about it now.

 

I love this story and so glad you shared it. That electrical surge is something I've absolutely experienced locking eyes with a man. Even way back in elementary school sharing a glance was the first time I ever felt that. I wonder if that's what straight men and women feel when they meet each other's eyes?

 

I felt that surge and instant connection with man that became my first and only boyfriend.It was if I had been hit by a lightning bolt. He was all I could think of. I wanted to be with him and I didn’t care about the consequences. It was such a wonderful feeling.

 

Are we as gay men just tuned into a different energy wave length that gives us this feeling and this sense of charge when we meet someone? It feels different.

 

That’s a really interesting thought—could it be so simple? There was definitely something between that guy in college and me, maybe only that we both were not interested in the lecture and we were both looking around the room. Curiously, no one else was looking around. We definitely were tuned in to each other for that moment—maybe we were on the same wavelength.

 

I can say I never felt that way about a woman. With another guy there was this almost electric feeling of attraction and excitement that is hard to describe. I would immediately start fantasizing about being in bed with him. Never happened with women no matter how outwardly attractive.

 

That’s it! that’s what I felt, but only that one time, not before, not since. Have you felt it more than once?

 

For me, attraction hasn't really ever been instant. Perhaps that's because I was in denial of my homosexuality for so long and therefore it took time to break down those walls. Even then, 99% of the time I put it down to "best friend" syndrome, which I clearly see now that it was far more than that. It only took one experience to change my perspective and start my journey to homosexual rolling. I had the most overwhelming urge to kiss another man. I had never experienced this level of intensity before and it took every effort I could muster not too. It was a mixture of primal urge, excitement and fear, all rolled in to one but yet it felt right. I had always had homosexual urges, but had managed to push them aside with little effort until this point in time. I knew what this meant then, the homosexual in me was emerging but it still took another three years before I would even accept I had a homosexual side.

 

[QUOTE="zgaynz, post: 6752223, member: 110107" . It was a mixture of primal urge, excitement and fear, all rolled in to one but yet it felt right.[/QUOTE]
This perfectly describes how it felt and still feel to me. A primal urge I never experienced with a woman. It was so intense, exciting yet there was fear as well. The fear was there is no going back. If I opened the homosexual door I knew I was going through it and not coming back.

 

After I had sex with a man for the first time I truly felt I had always been a homosexual. For me it wasn’t the act of having gay sex that made me a homosexual. It was the my deep attraction to men and years of exclusively watching gay porn and fantasizing about kissing men along checking out the front of their pants in public that had already made me gay weather I ever slept with a guy or not. When my friend who was openly gay flirted with me the courage to allow it to turn into us kissing then dating was a voice in that back of my head that said if you deny yourself from doing this it will only make you unhappy. You are already a homosexual no matter what you do.

I will say the pure joy that gay sex brought me did kick off a feeling that one day I would definitely be as open about my sexuality as my new lover. The out of the closet homosexual in me started to emerge that day.

 

Me too

 

Yup

…same here

 

That last one….I have always been focused almost solely on ass even in my early years of dating women.