Realized things about myself. Basically in a shitty situation. Transphobic abusive parents, very toxic and want to move out so I can express myself.. but I have no friends or anything because I was bullied/extremely withdrawn and depressed all throughout school. Now that I have learned more about myself and gotten a bit better, I want to go to college and know what I want to go for, and also to make friends and perhaps meet someone special.. I also did not realize that I may be trans until recently.. or gender queer or something.. though all signs pointed to it. I am extremely distressed about it. Everyone throughout highschool could notice it too. I can't believe I didn't see it.. everyone around me did though.. ugh. So I want to go to college, so I may finally express myself for who I am finally after all these years.. but worry if I meet someone special or bring home friends who know I am trans/questioning. I won't be comfortable. Being around them is incredibly toxic and has ruined my mental health, and I am getting help for it now. They've even admitted to being the cause of my therapy. How nice. But hey, they'd let me stay here rent free right? I don't know If I should move out or not, or stay here at the cost of living free but in a horrible situation. my dad the other day even told me to "get the fuck away from us all, get far away and start a new life, we will only hold you back" so he knows he is toxic but nobody can fix it. everything is all shitty. What worries me is that I cannot drive, (not as much as a concern anymore, I can uber or take the bus... but still cmon.. im nineteen and cant drive thats pathetic) and that I am currently applying for a full time position at factory plant with my father. The wage is decent, but the position is full time.. and I don't know if I would be able to keep up with school and work at the same time.. I feel stuck and trapped. I don't know what to do. Even I was staying with my parents rent free, i would still be working full time. Would I even be able to do school? And the job isn't just a job I can quit, its a 20$hr decent paying job.. so its very stable.. and I want to be a stable man with a stable career. I want to show I am strong. I can't lose this job. Basically having lots of doubts and in a very confusing situation. I am so tired as I write this so I apologize if it sounds off, I tried writing this like eight billion times... I just need advice.. I feel really trapped and stuck and all I want is to be loved and go out and make friends and be myself but I feel like there is too much on my shoulders, dealing with my parents crumbling marriage, being mentally abused for years, and now its affecting me as a person badly. Anything helps. I am new to this fourm, uh yeah. Thanks.
realizing I might be trans did not help at all its made this like a billion times worse. please help lol.
I would tell you to think about your ultimate goals and do the things that will most support them. You'll probably have to deal some very uncomfortable stuff, though. That's t hy- e stuff you have to decide. In my opinion working at the same place as your dad is a bad idea. You'll never break free doing that. Learning to drive is the easiest fix unless there is some reason you are legally or physically unable to.
Same question. A factory job with your dad who dislikes you is a risky play because he may talk smack about you to coworkers, but you also may find sympathetic coworkers who will let you move in with them. However, the last factory job I had included opportunities within the plant to get trained in other areas, move up the chain, & make more money. If that’s the case with this factory job it would make going to college seem odd to me. Going to college won’t magically fix your social introversion (it didn’t for me at least) & it will cost money. So are you sure you need to go to college to do what you want? There’s not another route you could go to achieve the same goal? I cannot imagine being in the house you’ve described. My first goal would be finding a way out of there. Would going to college mean you move into the dorms or would you be at a commuter college? Dorm life is not always fun, but that would get you out too. I wish you all the best.
Honestly I am not sure what I really want, I am torn between music and art. Not all musicians make it, but I know I have it in me, but I am terrified to take the risk. I want to go to art school and always have too because it could land me a stable salary job in a field like graphic design, and I could enjoy my work too. As of right now I don't have any friends and the two I have had already moved out of state, I don't know how to make any friends or connections in this situation. So learning to drive I can't ask friends for help, my parents don't really care to help, (they just expect me to know it..?) so I would need to save up for lessons.. But I don't really care about all that now because I know I can find my way around without a vehicle. It would just be more practical to have one. But hey at least I don't gotta pay car insurance yet lol.. I do have a little scooter/moped though but only able to use it in the summer seasons. (it snows seasonal here) But if I were to move to college I would most likely move across the street from the school, they have apartments there. I would need a job like this to be able to afford either one though because its not cheap.. and I really don't want to turn down a $20hr job even though I'd be working with my father full time, though I don't want this to be permanent. Thats why I want to eventually do something else, but I also just want to get this job so I can get the fuck out and breathe for a little bit.. then maybe I'll know what to do idk.. its just a lot. Right now I am so confused and not really sure what to do, I am just following the path life throws at me.. I am just worried I will never be able to find how to make friends along the way and end up living alone and eventually commiting suicide because of how bad my depression and everything is. I don't want to end up a failure either. I am actively in therapy but haven't mentioned anything gender related and I just started, so I'm for sure going to bring this subject up next time.. I am getting better socially and on anxiety medication I just don't know where else to meet people or make friends outside of a school setting.. I am only nineteen too so idfk where else to look? I just want people to hang out and chill and fuck around w ykno. I feel bad that I isolated myself from everyone in highschool and shoved everyone away from me now I am alone. How do I even fix that? ughyfb I feel like I ruined my life already. But you're right, my first goal should to be to get out of here. Everyone around me keeps telling me that, so I think I am just going to say fuck it and go for it. I pretty much already got the job, and it should be more than enough to support myself.. just a bit worried about taking the risk because I've been so isolated and dependent on my helicopter parents for years. I am just terrified of being alone with myself. I hate it.. urhg.. But yeah thanks for the support, this thread really helped and I don't feel as alone.. If you have any advice at all I am here to take it..
If I get the job I should be able to support my driving lessons and buy a car almost instantly.. there isn't really a reason I can't drive its just I legally need glasses and can't really see, plus lessons are really expensive ($600 for 7hours) and I don't have any money right now, or anyone willing to support me. I've driven a few times but I need glasses first which are also really expensive. Its mostly money that is an issue.
Hi I’m in almost the same situation as you except I am already in college but I’m considering dropping out next year to move out Anyhow, just from based off your description our families sound similar and I would highly encourage you to prioritize moving out over college. It reeaallyy sucks having to throw away a dream for your life but if you make a commitment that traps you in that house you will be very unhappy. You don’t want to have to depend on those kinds of people. If I were you I would get my license immediately and move out and focus on your job and social life. Get some friends, maybe start therapy, and start to heal. Later down the line you can go to college but your overall mental health is more important and abusive families will drain all the joy and life from your brain… I would rather give up my dream for a while than continue to live in a home that is ruining me mentally… yes it’ll be tough but you’ll be happier in the long run. Plus college is an insane amount of mental stress and doing that on top of living in an abusive household is a nightmare. Stay safe pal
thank you so much. this helped a lot. you guys are so nice I want to cry, I hope your situation is going well. Glad to know theres others out there that have gone through similar things.
Thank you. Some days are good and some are very much not, I try to take it one day at a time. You are definitely not alone, I thought my situation was unique until I started finding people I could relate to. If you ever need someone to talk to I would be down to listen. I wish you the best of luck for the future.
