Please Help Me Work Out What the Hell is Going On...

Yes!

 

Absolutely. I think that is probably common. Are you able to allow yourself to look and feel and explore now?

 

I don't think it sounds stupid at all. One of my biggest fears when I was coming out was that my friends would all think I was attracted to them or something like that. It never was or has been the case and so I totally understand what you are saying.
It is great that there is at least one group that sounds interesting and at a time you could potentially make.

Have you watched many TV shows or films that have LGBT storylines?

 

Do you want to kiss them??

Only joking its not necessarily that simple. For me something which perhaps made a difference was firstly was I just happy with the friendship as it was or did I feel like I wished it would become a closer friendship. By that I perhaps mean see each other more often, speak to each other in between meet ups. Then secondly, lets say the friend in question gets a boyfriend or girlfriend, are you happy for them or a little bit sad/jealous.

 

If it helps at all I don't think any of my friends ever thought that. Certainly non of my friendships changed and I wouldn't say I lost any friends, definitely non of note.

Maybe watching some lesbian themed shows might be another step you could take. It might not help you but it was actually whilst watching such a show that I had a suddenly realisation that I wasn't straight. I was merrily watching a show with a lesbian theme when suddenly I was like 'OMG I think I am enjoying this more than the average straight girl'. I think it helped me to see the relationships and almost allow myself to look at the characters in the shows and consider whether I had any attraction to them or not. I wouldn't say I am big on celebrity crushes as such as I totally think I need to know someones personality to really be attracted to them and not just see their appearance. In a show or a movie I felt that I could get to know the character and it definitely helped me work out things I potentially liked and didn't like in women. I don't know if it would work the same for you but maybe.

 

Sure, there are plenty of bad ones as well!!

I assume you have seen The Bridge? Not that it is LGBT.

 

The Bridge is awesome. The actress that plays Saga is brilliant. Such a great character. I haven’t seen Spiral but sounds like I should.
I mean I guess the characters don’t have to be gay in a program to decide if they are the kind of woman you might like. It’s all just allowing your mind to explore and getting used to that.

 

Maybe say selective, it doesn't sound as negative as fussy.

What would you like to happen next if someone had a magic wand and you could have one wish (it cant be your not gay though).

 

Or at least the wavelength most people are outputting. Ultimately you dont need the masses you just need the one but I do get that when your wavelength seems uncommon it can seem less motivating and encouraging.

 

Scared...but not not wanting to do it!
I realized I NEVER felt this way about dating women, I was indifferent and felt like a chore but when I started to think about dating men, I had this exact giddy, scared feeling

 

Fingers crossed for the in person meet up. I mean that is a much nicer way to meet someone ideally. Plus even if there isn’t anyone there with dating potential perhaps you can make some friends and friends often the open up opportunities to meet other new people.