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What do you think of my poetry/song???? any tipz????

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by I Love Dory, Feb 9, 2022.

  1. I Love Dory

    I Love Dory Guest

    You left me broken
    I gave you everything
    So you could focus on me, god damn

    I just want love
    Can't you see that's all I want?
    I want you to love me
    I want you in my life
    It just doesn't seem right
    I just wanted you to love me
    But you broke me into pieces
    Now i cannot breathe
    Because part of you
    Is part of me

    You left me stranded
    After all i gave you
    I got abandoned, oh well

    I just wanted you
    Couldn't you see that's all i want?
    I wanted you laying next to me
    I wanted you in my life
    It just didn't seem right
    You broke me everytime
    Now i won't be the same
    Because part of you
    Is part of me

    You left me damaged
    In spite of hope,
    You never loved me
     
  2. DinoTail

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    I really love this part:
    "Now i cannot breathe
    Because part of you
    Is part of me"
    It has good flow, I also like the idea in this! My one tip is maybe read it out loud and see if the words flow into each other like the section I put above. REALLY GOOD THO!!!!
     
  3. I Love Dory

    I Love Dory Guest

    thanks ig but it's not really meant to flow because it doesn't have a rhyming scheme
     
  4. I Love Dory

    I Love Dory Guest

    it's actually just a free speech type of thing yknow?
    no rhyming scheme
    no rules
    just me and my poetry/music yknow?
     
  5. Y2B

    Y2B
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    While reading I was looking for rhymes, but I like it the way it is. It suits my mood. Good work.
     
  6. I Love Dory

    I Love Dory Guest

    thanks so much
    it actually doesn't have a rhyming scheme and isn't supposed too
    so thanks :slight_smile:
     
  7. Persion

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    This entire poet/song is beautiful. It's actually catchy.
     
  8. I Love Dory

    I Love Dory Guest

    thank you so much
    i started writing a new song so i might post it later
     
  9. Persion

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    Ok, I can't wait to see it.
     
  10. I Love Dory

    I Love Dory Guest

    thanks :>
     
  11. Persion

    Regular Member

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    You are a talented human being.
     
  12. I Love Dory

    I Love Dory Guest

    aww thanks a lot of people say my music is too sad and depressed but i find it hard to express myself with just plain words and writing it makes it easier to explain how i feel and what im going through yknow?
     
  13. glitter lucky

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    When did you start writing poetry songs? It's beautiful.
     
  14. I Love Dory

    I Love Dory Guest

    during 2019 and thank you so much :>
     
  15. glitter lucky

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    Anytime. Also, you got something stuck in my head: this.
     
  16. I Love Dory

    I Love Dory Guest

    awwww is it really that catchy???
    i wonder if i can post a video of me singing it?? maybe?? idk how to though if you can
     
  17. glitter lucky

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    Yes, also, I would love to hear you sing it.
     
  18. I Love Dory

    I Love Dory Guest

    ok i'll try to see if i can do that somehow
    also i finished my song last night tooooo!!!!!!!!! :>