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How do I stop my anxiety from being a problem?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TinyWerewolf, Feb 5, 2022.

  1. TinyWerewolf

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    A few days ago my girlfriend and I got into a fight. I hadn't talked to her in three days and was getting worried so I asked a mutual friend to check on her. She was fine (and had a reason) but the mutual friend told me my girlfriend had said our relationship wasn't going anywhere. I was absolutely pissed, she hadn't even told me this and I can't fix a problem I don't know about. More than anything I was hurt, I miss her like crazy and put a ton of effort into our relationship. She's part of the reason I came here to EC and try to work on my issues. I let her know I was angry about it, we talked, and she said that it was taken out of context- she meant we're both still young and she is just going to see where things go naturally (which I can understand). This mutual friend happens to be her ex and also kind of set us up in the first place. This argument made me realize I'm really afraid my girlfriend will up and leave me one day- and the fear has a lot of different facets to it. One facet is that her ex would try to get her back and succeed (but I trust my girlfriend and it's been fine). Another facet is she's just going to wake up and change her mind one day. I'm pretty sure it's my anxiety getting the way, and I just don't want her to have to deal with it. She knows I have anxiety and she has it too.
     
  2. Batman

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    As a transdude with anxiety and abandonment issues my whole life, what has helped me immensely is working on my self-confidence. Building confidence in who you are and what you have to offer will make you more secure, as you can identify concrete reasons why your partner is with /you/. I find writing down (positive) characteristics that friends have called me is a good starting point. Also, listening to positive affirmations has can really help you get used to speaking positively about yourself.

    People don't just wake up and decide they dont like their partners anymore; people continuously decide over time if a certain partnership fits for them and their current life. Try to focus on the ways you and your partner enrich each others lives now.
     
  3. Batman

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    Also reach out to counsellors and mental health services! Talking out anxieties with someone whos trained on this stuff can really help dismantle your fears- usually we are anxious about very irrational stuff!
     
  4. TinyWerewolf

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    I'd like to think she's with me because she loves me :wink: She thinks I'm cute though (I honestly don't get that but I'm glad she does). I hate the way I look most of the time, it's a mix of dysphoria and outright hating myself. She knows all the bad stuff and still loves me though, that makes me happy.

    I genuinely want therapy but just can't do that right now.
     
  5. Jakebusman

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    Hope your anxiety is getting better
     
  6. TinyWerewolf

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    Thanks River, I'm trying to work on it.