Question for straight/cis people about gender segregation in student housing

Can you clarify what you want to know. I can only speak to the cisgender part.

 

Well, I can say personally that I wouldn't have a problem with a female roommate in an apartment situation. I can't say that I would want to share a bedroom. Probably because I'm an only child and treasure my privacy and space. In terms of say sharing a communal bathroom I'd probably be weirded out sharing, but that would be because of my own body issues and insecurities. Other than that the only thing that I can think of is that some people want someone who has perceived commonalities based purely on gender. I feel awkward and insecure around other guys and I would have commonalities only in the geek arena. I don't know if there is anything big that you do to reassure someone who already has their mind made up. Maybe you should put out an ad that states your commonalities and let the unprejudiced come to you.

 

Maybe its more of a straight-person thing than a cisgender thing? I would actually find it weird living with a straight male if we were only friends. Living with another female wouldn't feel as weird, even if she wasn't straight.

 

The thing is, it may not feel differently for you, but it does for many others. There are a whole slew of reasons why people aren't comfortable having the opposite sex in a locker room with them; it can be a sense of security and safety, they could be dealing with past traumas, they might have a hard time being around anyone in a close, intimate setting that isn't their partner, close friends, etc. While I'm sure you really don't pose a threat, there are individuals out there who use being trans (or even fake it), to get access to spaces that are single-sex. There might not be a lot of people like that, but they do exist--so I don't think it's unreasonable for people to want single-sex spaces. That doesn't mean every space has to be single-space--I'm all for there being spaces that people can share. But sex segregation exists for the sole purpose of respecting boundaries and providing safe spaces for all. Even NB folk are still one sex or the other, regardless of their gender presentation.

Unfortunately, I don't know how you might go about convincing someone who is naturally wary of occupying the same space as the opposite sex. But on the plus side, I think when we're looking at rooming situations, there are probably more men than women that would be comfortable with the arrangement. Women have been conditioned (not without justification) to be wary and careful; we're looking at hundreds to thousands of years of self-preservation instinct on the matter, which doesn't just go away due to us being more civilized. Men, on the other hand, often don't operate on the same wave-length, because they haven't been brought up in the same way. I think all you can do is try to arrange a meeting with some of these individuals seeking roommates, and if you hit it off and they're comfortable with the idea of living together (going over boundaries, of course, for both their benefit and your own) you probably will find folks are a little more open than the present otherwise.

For what it's worth, I hope you find a place and roommate who is both accepting and courteous towards you. I know it must be frustrating, just trying to live your life and move forward in whatever ways you need to. At the end of the day, we all just want to be safe and happy, right? I think, if people are acting a little more warily these days, it's the predators to blame. They've made it difficult for everyone, most hurting the people they claim to be/to protect.