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When do I know the right time to come out as gay

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JordanJB, Jan 24, 2022.

  1. JordanJB

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    Basically how do I know when's the right time like basically I keep feeling the urge to tell someone that I'm gay does this mean I'm ready but don't know if I am ready or not or if people would accept me being gay
     
  2. Jakebusman

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    If you feel ready dont force yourself to come out if your not ready
     
  3. Alex2

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    Before you come out, ask yourself these questions:

    1. Does the person you want to come out to tend to be open-minded and accepting of the LGBTQIA+ community?
    2. Are you currently getting along well with the person you want to come out to? (It's never a good idea to come out after/during a fight)
    3. Is the person you want to come out to in a good mood right now? (For instance, if they just had a huge fight with someone or they're grieving the loss of a family member, this is probably not the time to come out.)
    4. Are you coming out because YOU want to and YOU feel ready?

    If you answered yes to these questions, you're probably ready to come out if/when you feel like it, but don't rush yourself if you don't feel ready. There is usually no such thing as a "perfect" time to come out, so don't wait around for that golden moment - if you feel ready, go for it. It's usually a good idea to start by coming out to someone who you really trust, but if possible, someone who doesn't have that much of an impact on your life in case it doesn't go well. After this, you will have a support system built up of people who accepted your coming out, so you can move on to riskier people or people who have a bigger impact on your life. (For example, I came out to my English teacher, a friend who I'm growing apart from, and my grandma before telling my brother and my mom.)

    Coming out can be scary, but it's also extremely liberating and will most likely improve your life quite a bit. Good luck!
     
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  4. quebec

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    Jordan.....May I add another suggestion to what @Alex2 suggested? I ask myself "Does this person have a need to know that I'm gay? or "Do I need to have this person know I'm gay?" Kind of the same question looked at from two different ways. There are quite a few times when I find that the answer is no. This is partly due to the fact that I'm not completely out. If you are completely out or are planning to be, then it's a different situation. Ultimately, coming out is totally up to you...when, where and to whom. It's absolutely your gig...that's why outing someone is so terrible...taking away from them such a private, important part of their life.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  5. JordanJB

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    Hey thanks for the advice I really do appreciate everything and another thing because I actually have Autism sometimes I struggle just to say it the words I need to say I get mental block alot, and I do feel ready I really would like to be able to come out because I know it would be liberating as I'm actually comfortable with being gay, I agree outing someone is a terrible thing to do to a person I'm sorry for my writing as I'm not really good at typing, I know my
     
  6. bsg75apollo

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    If people can't accept you being gay, screw 'em. No reason for you to live in fear because of another person's hang ups.
     
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  7. BiGemini87

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    Hello @JordanJayB! You've already gotten some great input, but I'll also add:

    -Is not telling someone you're gay more about privacy, or more about keeping it a secret?

    The difference of course being, the former is about setting boundaries regarding who has access to certain insights about you, while the latter tends to come from a place of fear, shame, guilt, disgust, etc.

    It sounds to me like you want to come out, so if you want to and you feel ready (even if it still scares you a bit), then it's totally up to you how and when you do it. But like has been said, make sure it's safe for you to do so. If you live with family and there's any risk of them abusing you or turning you out, best to wait until you have some independence (or at least, a backup plan/place to stay should the worst come to pass). If you are independent already, then at least you have a means of protecting yourself in the event of negative reactions.

    If you're still not sure, you can always gauge the reactions of whoever you want to come out to. Try to find an organic way to bring up a topic regarding LGBT people (particularly gay people, in your case) to see how said person feels. Their words, body language, etc. even if it's subtle can tell you a lot. I hope this helps! :slight_smile:
     
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  8. Contented

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    Only you will know when you are ready to come out as gay. And frankly it’s not necessary to take an ad out in the local paper announcing your gay. Tell who you feel comfortable telling and who might need to know. Otherwise your sexual preference is your own business as is who you choose to share that knowledge with. There is no rush, take your time and evaluate what is best for YOU!
     
  9. silverhalo

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    It can be a difficult thing to figure out when to tell people, especially when you are first coming out. It is different for everyone and there is no right or wrong answer. When I first joined EC I used to see threads like this and people saying you will know when the time is right and I never believed it. I also thought I would never be ready. Gradually over time things changed and in my mind all I can put it down to is to imagine a set of old fashioned scales, on one side is my fear of coming out and telling people. On the other is my desire to come out and tell someone. To begin with my fear was huge and heavy and my desire to come out very small but over time it gradually changed. My desire became greater and heavier and my fear somewhat less. I wouldnt say the fear had disappeared when I came out but it was much less.