Hi i'm 25 and me and my friend love to be dj(the classic teen's hobby), nothing special right? Weeel, we started around at the age of 14 and we just tried to be fun with it with school's friends...nothing special. Soonly we became the idols of our friends, parties without us couldn't even exist. So..well...I know it sounds the classic boring friendship but it isn't. During years we became closer and closer untill felt in love for each other! One night, drunken, we just kiss each others...we were 17. It was an amazing summer night near the sea, even if we were drunken we talk and we remember clearly the moment...we felt as in a ferris wheel. Since the we got the kiss we started to watch eachother in a different way...we got to grow older for being more seriously involved into this but the platonic stuffs were a lot. We started to kiss each other more and more and when we hugghed we touched us in a different way...a way we never done before. Only from our twenties we started to exploring our sexuality and we felt ecstatic, it was amazing...we cannot stop. But here the problems! 'Cause it looked as a fair tale while it is a mess! He always had this girlfriend that he doesn't want leave...I always told him to choose between me or her but he doesn't want. Well the girlfriend entered the room and saw us...she get angry with him but what is worst she told his parents about us. His parents are a lot homophobic and mine aren't better. So we took our first bus and we ran away, literally, from the town. Now I made a bit peace with my parents, he apologized to his girlfriend...but it remains a disastrous situation! What to do?
It seems like your friend didn't want to hurt his girlfriend but really wanted you- but I could be wrong, I'm not inside his head. If that's the case I don't exactly understand why he wouldn't have just ended things. His romantic and sexual orientation could possibly not match up. I need to ask you to clarify so I can help, how exactly is this situation still a disaster?
We talked about his girlfriend but I feel like he is lying to me but I still understand him. For his sexuality I bet he is bisexual 100%, but anyway he always pretended to be straight (but I know him and I perceive him). For what he told me, well, you can figurate it! He said "I love you so much, you know I do, but with her it’s easier. My family..." and go on. The disaster part: oh, easy, we love each other and we have a second life too...everything is becoming twitsted and twisted...me in depression, him in anger...and it is going on and going on and going on. I feel like in the Hell of the Divine Comedy!
This situation isn't easy at all for anyone unfortunately. Your friend doesn't want to lose you or his family (maybe not his girlfriend either) but it may not be possible to keep both. He may not be ready to accept that. Have you ever talked to him about what this is doing to you? If you haven't you need to tell him.
I did, he sais he feel what I feel...it is a messy situation for both. He said, in a moment highly drunken and full of anger when she discovered us in a party, averything to his parents...useless to say that they called mine too and they forced us to not see each other! The worst part? "I'm so sorry, i'm alway be an ally"!
Oh right she outed you both (I apologize, that slipped my mind). It's ok to forgive her but there is no defending that action- she may have been hurt to see her boyfriend with someone else but that didn't give her the right to out you or him. As for the rest of this situation, he's dealing with the prospect of losing his family and probably a bit of internalized homophobia too if I had to guess. All of that gives him powerful motive to stay with her rather than you (a lot of bi people get pressure from society, family, or elsewhere to be with the opposite gender) but he has fallen in love with you and also wants to be with you from my understanding. Now putting that together begs the question: does he love her? And if so does he love her as much as he loves you? He just may not be ready to leave his family behind, and the best thing if that's true is to give him time and try to support him on his journey. Could be he's polyamorous and loves you both, and in that case you all need to sit down and have a talk about how to move forward if you can.
Even if I'm hating her I should admit I can understand her and she isn't so bad...but I still cannot stand her! and it is happening for me too but i was strong enuff for choose...i guess is not for everybody and that's the worse part! the last one is the one he claims! good one about polyamorous, never thounght in this sense!
It's a hard choice to leave them behind, especially if they treated him well up until then. I'll probably have the same problem when I have to leave mine in all honesty. All you can do is support him if you want this to work out- reiterate that you still love him and are there for him. Both of you need to keep communicating your feelings and acknowledge where those feelings are coming from together. That will be far better and more productive than arguing about something he isn't ready to do. If you try to force him into making the choice, that probably won't end well. Being in a relationship behind your parents' (and everyone else for that matter) backs is hard- believe me I know the struggles- communication without judgement is vital for any relationship, including yours.
Exactly I'm trying to support him but, goddamn, is absurdly hard calm dowm my own emotions!!!! we do arguing, a lots but luckly we understand each other...this is hurting us a lots. As I said I'm trying hard to not push him but that's absurdly hard!
She made that "disaster" exposing you two to your parents. It was really careless. It's hard for me to understand how he could forgive her that. I think everything is going to settle between him and her. He must decide. I don't think you can do much here except of being his best friend. Show that you still care for him. Are you two still seeing each other?
This is hard and I know it hurts for both of you. It's agony having to hide who you are and the person you love, and watching the person you love suffer because of it. Hang in there and keep talking to each other about everything, one day he might finally be able to choose you. He definitely loves you or he would probably just choose 'the easy way' right from the start. I hope this gets better for you two soon.
Firstly, thank you all... I hope everything will be ok and he will do a choose, i hope but i guess no. I'm just hope we will not go on like that 'till our sixties so finally get out!
All of this has been going on with your friend for many years and it's really blurred the lines. Are you friends, are you friends with benefits or are you boyfriends? There is a real lack of clarity now and it's made even more complicated by the presence of a girlfriend. Well it will only go on like that if you allow it to. Can you imagine meeting another guy, falling in love with him and enjoying a full and fulfilling intimate relationship, free of all of the complication with your friend? If you can, I would suggest you focus on doing so. It doesn't mean casting your friend out of your life, but it will re-set your relationship with him to something more clearly defined. Perhaps this will allow him to clarify his real intentions too.
No, tbh, I cannot figurate any life without him and trust me I try hard to find a girl(in guys I'm still watching for someone like him) so no I cannot live without him...I can find a girlfriend but I need him. For "what we are" I guess the right answer should be "lovers" "1: a partner in a romantic or sexual relationship — often plural 2: a person who loves something" for the Merriam Webster's dictionary and I think it fitts! For his girlfriend...oh...I cannot stand her but I need to admit she is able to make me smile, is it so weird? If I will have a lover surely I will have still something with him. I need to push him away if I wanna end this and even if I do it could be start from where I stopped it too...we did it a year. My biggest fear? We will live in a lie. He is definetely leaning toward this! She is always planning to having kids and the best wedding ever. He has the same dream too, I told him we can get married and adopt too but he is against this! He is a lot religious. I'm really really scarry that one day he will go to his kids saying "yo kiddos, I love my dear friend...so sorry I need to break with mommy"...it would be the worst. I hope it wouldn't happen. But going on like that, that's the most realistic scenario!
