How do you quit missing someone so badly?

I miss my girlfriend. She genuinely misses me too. The problem is we don't know when we'll see each other next and it's already been two and a half months since the last time we did. This wasn't supposed to be long distance or anything like that (I know I'm usually not good in that scenario and try to avoid that)- but that's the circumstances we were thrust into. I can't even call her without putting us both at risk. I'd use an app but this stupid alcatel flip phone doesn't have the ability to use discord or snapchat or anything (I'm lucky it can email and get to this forum). She really can't help that she's so busy, or I would take this as she doesn't want to be with me or personally somehow. I don't want to be unfair to her but this hurts me. So how can I keep from missing her so much?

 

I'm a musician by trade, I dedicated my whole life to music until a couple years ago. I don't really do it anymore now. I guess I could pick dog training back up, work with my dog more. It's getting too cold to plant anything here or I'd just try to garden. I used to be big into Minecraft until I got found out, trapped, and my parents took away my laptop charger.

Yes I do have to keep our relationship on the down low, and so does she. In my case I'd be cut off from the outside world again- trapped in this stupid house with an unaccepting family. I'm not sure what her family would do and her situation with her mom isn't great already, but I will do anything to keep her safe and happy. She's said once she comes out they might disown her. I'll have to leave mine.

 

Really I'm just frustrated that I can't use Discord on the browser of this phone, because to call her and not get caught it would have to be through the internet. Calling her for real would show up in both our phone records. It's been three months since I've even heard her voice now.

I do have a job in her city but our schedules are completely mismatched. It's the main reason why we haven't seen each other in so long. My lunch breaks used to be a way to see her but not anymore. I'm trying to plan a meet up for sometime after Christmas but I'm not sure if we'll be able to pull that off (if not that's going to suck, I was going to surprise her with a present).

As for hobbies and studying, I want to make music and perform again but anonymously. I don't quite know how to go about it though. I don't want fans to know I'm a trans guy and my voice is super high pitched and sounds like a girl's (not being dramatic because I'm pre-t, I literally have whistle tones). I also don't know much about recording, mixing, and mastering- and I'd have to do it all myself. The whole reason I stopped for a year and a half was dysphoria, but I love playing music. It's a whole frustrating cycle.

Now this paragraph is mostly me spitballing ideas. With the letters, I'd be afraid someone would find it. If her youngest sister or her mom found it we'd be forced to be apart forever at minimum. I miss her, but I also have to protect her from that. I could maybe hand it off to one of her friends and have them give it to her but it would have to be a week where she's at her dad's house. He doesn't snoop around like her mom would. I already mess around with ciphers (and I can read them without a key) so I'd just have to give her a key for it. I could try to make my own uv invisible ink out of diluted highlighter ink I guess, but that requires the uv light to read.

 

[QUOTE="MichaelX, post: 6746999, member: 109892]

I love singing, always have (started singing at three, then in public at eleven). I just hate that I don't sound male, that makes me uncomfortable.

I've been using ProTools but I'm switching to Ableton Live because it seems more beginner friendly.

I was fortunate enough to get lessons from someone who had a doctorate's in music and experience in vocal pedigogy. So now most of my habits are fairly healthy and I'm classically trained. Breathing from the diaphragm made my voice finally have vibrato and more power behind it. Before I stopped and got rusty I had four octaves, and I'm scared I won't post T. My grandfather and brother are both tenors that have good range though so maybe I'll get lucky with that. I read something that said to try to direct your sound towards the inside of your cheeks to sound more masculine- and what little I've tried it did seem to help a bit.

I thought about the lemon juice trick, that might be too risky though. I got her a hand stamped necklace for Christmas so maybe that would work?

Maybe I can sneak her a prepaid phone and get myself one. The reason I ever said Discord though is because you can voice call on it and it wouldn't show up on phone records because it's through the internet. I "text" her through a secret email every day. I make all my posts from this Alatel Smart Flip actually, it's my only way to the internet anymore. I keep my phone clear of evidence/wipe what traces of it I can or I'd be caught. I'll look into irc though.

 

That is eventually the plan, but we won't be able to until at least a few years from now. She's going to go to college, and I might try to get a certification (and transition won't be cheap either).

 

That might work, I have to make sure no one is reading over my shoulder/eavesdropping though because this is a small town where word travels fast. I think I just found a way to call her without it showing up in phone records. I'm not sure it will work yet, but I will keep y'all posted. Just in time for our sixth month anniversary too.

 

Thank you, I'm trying my best. . I hope you get to see him soon!

 

Good news! I think I can finally call her at least now! Now we both have to find a time no one will bother us but at least it's more feasible now.