Hi! I've known that I like girls for a little more than 3 years (I'm soon 22 years old now), and haven't managed to come out yet. It is just too scary! I really feel that I should just pull myself together and tell someone, but each time I try to gather the courage, I end up not doing it. I'm considering to tell my best friend before the end of the year, but it is so scary. I have known her for 2 years, and we have become really close lately. She tells me that I can talk to her about anything, and she is the best person I know. She is the most relaxed, kindest, sweetest person, she really listens whenever I need it, and she gives the best hugs ever. I know that she has a few LGBTQ+-acquaintances, and that makes me a little less scared, but it's still really terrifying. I'm so scared that she will stop being my friend or be comfortable around me if she finds out that I like girls. I love our friendship, and I don't want anything to change between us. On the other hand I can't live in the closet forever, and it is starting to feel like I'm lying to her by not telling her the truth. Do you have any thoughts on what I should to or how I should tell her? Thank you so much for reading <3
I would try and at the end of the day she is your best friend. I'd give it a shot. How to do it I really don't know, maybe you could meet up for a coffee and tell her then or mention you have something important to tell her.
I told my best friend through an email. I wrote a letter and sent it to her. But it did take a lot of courage and self convinsing. In the end I just closed my eyes and clicked the send button. She turned out to be accepting, but she isn't really too supportive, but still she didn't end up hating me, what is a win. If your friend has LGBTQ+ acquintances, then I think you don't need to worry not being accepted, but I do know how scary terryfying it is. I too have a friend in school, who has a gay cousin who is also married with a guy, but I still am scared of telling. And there is even a teacher I know, who has lesbian relative who is married too. I was amazed how open they are with this.
Hey I can totally sympathise with you, when I was trying to come out I kept telling myself I was going to do it and then backed out several times. It is impossible to promise exactly what your friends reaction will be but it sounds like there are many positive factors in her favour. She said you could tell her anything, she has LGBTQ+ friends etc etc. I know it is tough when you worry that things could change in your friendship but ultimately it is also the case that those that are really true friends are accepting and those that arent accepting arent truely friends. Nobody can tell you that you should definetly do it but to me it does sound like you want to, you just need to find your inner 5 seconds of bravery which is in all of us and go for it. WHen I was first telling people I used to tell people in advance that I wanted to talk to them about something which then made them prompt the conversation. I also told some people via message which I found easier at the start. There is no right or wrong it is more what feels right for you.
I feel you; the closer you are to someone, the more frightening it can be to come out to them. But judging by what you've said--about her being really sweet, caring, and wonderful all around--I think she is probably the safest/best person to come out to first. Let her know that the reason you're telling her is because she's your best friend and she's the person you trust most; if she feels uneasy or wonders if there are feelings, this should hopefully assuage those speculations. But I'm inclined to think your friend, even if she suspects feelings, won't pull a 180 on you. Most importantly though, be sure you're ready to come out. There's really no rush, and it's not a lie to have a few secrets--we all have them. I think what's important is coming out because you want to be honest about who you are, not out of a sense of obligation. Conversely, not telling someone something because it's private is different than not telling them because there's shame associated with it. Take as much time as you need, and if the idea of doing it in person is too overwhelming, you could try an email or text. I'm sure she'll understand.
A girl.....Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! The most important factors in deciding when to come out are: *****Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you. *****You might want to consider using a letter WHEN the time comes to tell your friend. Coming out in writing/email means you will not be interrupted or face a barrage of questions that you need to answer immediately, in the heat of the moment. You get time and they get time too and that counts for a lot. There are some great sample coming out letters here on empty closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter/email, taking the time to think about it and to write one will help you to be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! You can use it as a kind of script if you do choose to come out verbally to them! Again a big plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a very big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can easily go bad. It gives the person reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had time to think about your sexuality...giving them some time to think about it too only seems fair! Check the letters out (see below)...they could be a real help! *****Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, your friend will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you are Bi?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc. The questions themselves will vary a great deal dependent upon your friend...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of five or so questions with the answers already planned, you will be perceived as a more mature, serious person. *****COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php *****Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you! .....David
Thank you! It went amazing, she was so supportive and accepting, and almost the best part is that we talked about all sorts of other things afterwards, and it felt like nothing had changed between us<3 She was also very understanding of the fact that I don't want to put a label on my orientation yet. I am so happy that she took it well, and it feels wonderful to be out for the first time!! She was a perfect choise of a first person to tell!<3 (I made a post in the "coming out stories" area, if you want to read more) I want to thank you in particular, Silverhalo, because you have always provided support on my posts in here all the way from 2018 until now. It has really made a difference for me!<3 Hope you are having a great day!
That is really wonderful news I am glad it went well and you feel so good afterwards. Thank you for your kind words, it is really nice to know that my posts have been helpful.
