Pansexual but not attracted to trans people? (No hate pls)

Labels are for products, not people. I feel for your friend - the mysteries of human attraction are too complex to be neatly filed on pre-ordained shelves. A shame more of us don't acknowledge (and celebrate) the nuances that make us the fascinating creatures we are..

And let's nip this one in the bud: it's not transphobic to not be attracted to trans folk. Different strokes for different folks. We just aren't some people's cup of tea and that's fine. Really.

Beth

 

Given the current climate (and to be honest, one that's been going on for several years, now) your friend's fears are totally understandable. Regardless of what some angry individuals might try to tell you or her, there is nothing the least transphobic about not being attracted to a trans person. A person's sexual appeal shouldn't be the means with which we measure their worth; you can be friends, respect, admire and experience a ton of positive feelings towards any person, trans or otherwise, but still not want them romantically. Why so many people conflate lack of attraction with transphobia I'll never know, since actual transphobia involves hatred, oppression, and violence.

I digress: your friend hasn't done anything wrong; sexual orientation is an immutable characteristic, and a person's inability to be attracted to certain types of people is beyond their control. Perhaps she'll wind up attracted to a trans person in the future, perhaps not--whatever the case, as long as she finds someone that she genuinely cares for and doesn't go out of her way to hurt anyone, that's what matters.

 

You might find yourself being surprised one day. There was a particular ethnic group i was never sexually attracted to, even through all of my 20's. Then one day, i saw someone of that ethnic group that was really sexy, and ever since then there have have been dozens, hundreds, and probably thousands more that i find attractive.

Points being:

1 - politicising attractions isn't something that makes much sense, and you shouldn't feel ashamed about what you've described.
2 - you might find your tastes changing one day, but it's ok if they don't

 

Everybody has their preferences, that is something thar we really cannot control. I think that this is something that has really been framed as people being transphobic. I don't agree with that at all, as I have had many friends who are super supportive of the trans community, but they are not attracted to transgender people. Like others have said, there is always the chance that it can happen, but that is not something to be pressured into. I would much rather have a person be honest, as I feel that is better for both parties.

 

For whatever reason, the pansexual label has seemed to be shifting from its intended meaning - attraction regardless of gender/gender not being an important factor in attraction - to a somewhat skewed interpretation of "attraction to more than two genders/attraction to men and women and gnc/trans people". I find this troubling for several reasons, not the least of which being that life is just too short to police other people's sexual identities. It really upsets me that so many people think that their ability to "really be pan" comes down to whether or not they've found themselves attracted to trans people, because that isn't the point of the label at all.

Trans people are a ridiculously diverse bunch, not just a "third option". You have binary and nonbinary trans people, some of us medically transition while other's don't, and that process of transition isn't one package deal, but a ton of small steps that can be opted for or out of at any time for any reason. Some of us are butch, some are femme, some are androgynous. Saying that pan people are definitively interested in trans people is like saying that they're interested in, I don't know, ice cream...they might think they're not discerning, but what if they just don't love pistachio?? Does their label suddenly come into question - are they no longer allowed to be ice cream lovers? Are they ice cream phobic because they aren't big on pistachio? If someone was a big frozen yogurt person, and they started developing a taste for one or two flavors of ice cream, do they need to rethink everything they know about frozen deserts?? Of course not, that doesn't make any sense.

Unfortunately, the pansexual label is becoming shorthand for people to do two things...either express interest in us by claiming it, or not give us a chance by not claiming it...saying things like "Oh I'm not interested in trans people, I'm not pan". We need to work together as a community to be careful with this trend, before it pushes past a tipping point. The fact is that you never know what you're going to get with trans bodies, so you can't really use labels to effectively convey interest or disinterest in us.

In regards to your friend, specifically...if she feels like pan is the best fit for her, then hooray, pan is the best fit for her! The pan label isn't contingent on having experienced attraction to trans people...it's not like a merit badge or something that you earn after putting your time in and documenting how diverse your dating history is. And it never should be. Just like gay people are still gay if they've never dated someone of the same gender, and bi people are still bi if they have preferences, pan people are pan no matter what their history looks like. All of the labels that we adopt are really just whatever fits best, because human sexuality is so remarkably diverse. And that's an awesome thing.