My older sibling came out to me as bisexual (Female)

I'm glad your sister felt comfortable enough to come out to you. When she came out to you, how did it make you feel? I hope if/when she comes out to your mother, things go well (and that if your father ever finds out, it doesn't go as badly as you suspect).

I confess, I don't know much about HOCD, but I think a few of the other Admins/Advisors have a pretty good grasp on it (and I'll certainly look into it, as well, as it seems it can impact someone's perception of their sexuality quite a bit).

 

I am so glad you are supportive of your sister. Knowing how your dad is re being homophobic etc, the pressure it puts on your sister is immense. Coming out is a hugely courageous thing to do. My daughter came out as Bi sexual to me a couple of years ago roughly. To me i was so blessed that she felt safe & comfortable enough to share something that is so intensely private with me. She wasn’t overly concerned how I would respond as we are very close. Yet still Im sure like anyone who comes out it is not easy nor do you really know how you will be received when sharing this for the first time. To me it just made me love my daughter even more. As long as she is kind & respectful in her relationships to me thats all that matters. Since she came out to me, & through my being a full member on here, she has taught me the right pronouns to use, & sometimes still do need guidance as there are so many different things to remember. Also EC mostly has been a learning platform for me, & my daughter loves coming on here daily. It’s her happy place, where she knows she is & can be exactly the way she wants to be in a safe & engaging environment. My advice re your dad is if he can be trusted to respond in a respectful way that is the first thing. But more importantly you know him better than us or myself to comment on. If he is very homophobic, then it might be worth not sharing that with him. Disclosing you are bisexual is something that is a big moment. And it’s concerning knowing how homophobic he is that I worry he may react in a way that would potentially hurt you in many ways. That would be his ignorance regarding the LGBTQIA+ community that he seems he is opposed to perhaps as well. I’m a single mom, heterosexual so to me it was easy for me to accept my daughter being bisexual. I don’t feel it’s anyone’s business, unless you know when sharing the information about being bisexual that it will be treated with the respect & dignity it deserves. Hope this makes sense. I would only share with those people who truely care about the real you, & embrace your sister gor the beautiful soul & human being she is. If he cannot be trusted to handle this information without being disrespectful, & completely abhorrently cruel due to his sttong homophobia, then perhaps I would maybe not tell him. I guess knowing how he is that’s a judgment call for you to make. Just because they are “family” does not give them carte blanche to show disrespect & respond in an absolutely horrible way, by projecting his misinformed conclusions & bias onto you, thus making you feel guilty or not what he “expected” of you. Your sister needs validation, support, acceptance & most of all to be embraced for her true self. These moments when you share this kind of deeply raw & vulnerable sides of who you are need to be received in a supportive way. Whether it’s coming out to family or friends, you have the power & most of all the right to do it on your terms. Being validated is so important & if there is a huge question about whether or not you will be treated with care, compassion, support & acceptance than that to me would be a huge red flag His homophobia is something which is his baggage. My concern would be exactly that. His definitive & rigid concept & somewhat tunnel vision & inflexibility tells me perhaps it may not be worth letting him know as really do you need his acceptance? I am not confident you will receive a positive response nor validation from him. Sorry to be direct but you deserve respect & to be celebrated.❤️

 

I'm really glad to hear that. It's unfortunate about your father and paternal grandmother, though. Some minds can be changed, but only if they're open to that change; I hope if they ever find out, they at least leave your sister be about it.

Thanks so much for the explanation. I'll read those articles now, because I do want to understand the distinction between the two so I can be of greater help in the future.