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I'm in love

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Starlight123, Sep 29, 2021.

  1. silverhalo

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    Yeah it is a sad situation really because it is hard to believe she is truely happy with her boyfriend if this is her behaviour. I can totally understand that in her circumstances she doesnt feel able to admit her feelings and be honest/move countries to be with you but it is a shame she cannot also just accept that by making that decision she should also let you be and let you move on and be happy.
     
  2. Starlight123

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    At this point our history is so much I'm not sure an actual relationship would work but I just want to feel validated. I want to know I haven't been creating this connection that I have been feeling. I'm not sure that this is a healthy approach but I think it's what I'm looking for now.

    I am really exhausted with this girl and I think it's helping me to keep it pushing. I feel good this week. I feel strong. I think the tide is shifting . I just need to stay the course.
     
  3. silverhalo

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    And some other girl to come and steal your heart and show you how you should be treated.
     
  4. Starlight123

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    That would be amazing!
     
  5. silverhalo

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    Have you met anyone else that was a potential at all since you have been looking?
     
  6. Starlight123

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    I've been going out quite a bit. I wouldn't say yet that there is anyone who I really like but everything is still a bit new to me. I think the main thing is for me to keep an open mind.

    Of course it can't be all perfect. I've been interacting a lot less with my friend, trying to slowly separate. I guess she senses me pulling away. Yesterday she told me that she has a confession. I said I'm listening. She told me she loves me but doesn't know how we could work, how would we tell our parents this. How would it practically work. I told her I'm not afraid to tell my parents, that's no issue for me.

    I was initially happy when she told me but that happiness went away quickly. I think she has put me through so much that I can't even process hearing that. Do I even want to process it at this point? I'm so exhausted with her.
     
  7. BiGemini87

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    I don't think she's deliberately being malicious, but even so, all these mixed signals she's throwing at you most certainly aren't fair. If she doesn't think you could ever work, then she needs to let you go/give you space.

    Have you told her how all of this is making you feel? Perhaps if she knew how much she's hurting your ability to move on, she would back off. If she's a real friend, at any rate.

    Either way, I'm sorry she's been giving you such an emotional run around.
     
  8. Starlight123

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    Hey BiGemini87,
    Thanks for your reply. I thought that hearing that she loves me would do something for me. It hasn't. I am emotionally drained from her. She knows how deeply she affects me. She is aware. I have always expressed to her how I was feeling.

    I think I'm too emotionally damaged from her to be with her at this point. I almost feel numb. I guess I was just really surprised when she asked me how we would explain this to our parents. She also asked if I could see myself introducing her as my wife to my parents. This is probably what she has been thinking on for a long time.

    I don't have the excitement that I thought I would and that's just bumming me out. I'm just emotionally drained.
     
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  9. BiGemini87

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    That is completely understandable. Whatever her intentions, she's had a negative impact on you with her hot-and-cold feelings. I think, if/when you're ready, perhaps it's time to tell her that that ship has sailed; that you're tired of the games and that you ultimately deserve better than to be led on. The only issue with this is, how will it impact your friendship and if it does so poorly, will you be okay with that?

    Whatever your choice, I hope you're finally able to find the peace of mind you need, and someone who will love you all-in without playing these manipulative games.
     
  10. Starlight123

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    I've had a few days to think about it. I don't see a future for us as more than friends. I just can't trust her feelings or what she is telling me that she feels. I've always been very open and honest with her. She knew how much my feelings for her were taking a toll on me and she was never able to open up the way I wanted her to. I'm trying not to be too hard on her because I'm sure she has battled a lot with her feelings too but something about me doesn't trust the way she says she feels.

    I think our friendship will survive after some healing and time. We have a pretty solid friendship and I don't think that will change. At least I'll try my best to keep our friendship strong. I asked her what she was expecting after telling me she loves me. She said she doesn't know but the thought of losing me was killing her.

    I feel like this could be a knee jerk reaction to her seeing me finally breaking free from the hold she has had on me. I just can't trust her feelings.
     
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  11. silverhalo

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    Hey I am sorry you are feeling so bummed. Perhaps in the long run not feeling as anticipated about her declaration can be a positive thing. It could show you what is actually the correct path that you should take.
    Take care of yourself and remember we are always here to chat if you need us.
     
  12. Starlight123

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    Thanks silverhalo, she has been asking where do we go from here. I honestly don't have an answer for her. But thinking about it now I guess we just need to talk.
     
  13. silverhalo

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    Yeah I think you both need open honest discussion and then also perhaps time away from that conversation to reflect and figure things out.
    Perhaps following her question about where you go from here with what would she like to happen next? Not that you have to go with whatever she says but in some ways I feel like she needs to spill first.
     
  14. Starlight123

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    Yeah. I think I need to have an idea of what she is thinking. She is in a relationship and have been for a while. I don't want to be responsible for that demise. She needs to figure out what she wants as do I.

    But I will definitely try to make some time and attempt to have an open and honest discussion with her. The problem with that is she isn't very expressive. She really deals with things internally and I can never tell what she is thinking. I will ask her to be honest and frank with me. I think I deserve that.
     
  15. silverhalo

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    To be honest if she has been in a relationship this long and is still harbouring feelings for you then you havent caused that her relationship was probably never meant to be but I totally get what you are saying. If she is to leave that relationship it needs to be because ultimately it isnt right for her and not solely for you because otherwise it puts a lot of pressure and expectation on any relationship you may have.
    One positive is that she has initiated this discussion so I think you can to a degree just continue what you were doing and wait for her to be honest about what she is thinking. If she cant do that then nothing is going to happen anyway.
     
  16. Starlight123

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    I find myself so angry with her. I'm afraid my anger will get in the way. I'm angry because I have been so emotionally drained with my feelings for her and I have expressed to her that I'm not expecting anything to happen between but I just want to know that I'm not creatingwhat I feel between us. I wanted validation I guess from her that there was indeed something existing between us whether we choose to acknowledge it or not.

    Had she said to me yes..you are right I feel like I a weight would have been lifted off my shoulders a long time ago. I e questioned myself and my feelings for so long wondering how I could be so caught up with someone who isn't reciprocating. She could have relieved some of that mental torture I was experiencing a d she chose not to. The anger is real right now.
     
  17. silverhalo

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    I think you have every right to feel angry, not because she wasn't ready to admit it because that is something slightly more out of control but then she wouldnt let you move on. If she didnt want to admit it or be honest then thats fine but she should have kept things purely friendly and she didn't. I think some time is going to be needed whilst you figure out what all of that means for you.