Here I am again with this unbearable depression. UGH I literally hate this!! Actually I meet this really sweet man my age online whose sees this bubble my life is in and he gave me a very truthful outsiders perspective on my "no-win situation." Yeah its me, remember that posting about my coming out to my 75 yr. old dad advice??? This other guy named Joel is very special, wise and a patient enough individual who even invited me to come live with him in Oklahoma. We have been talking on the phone many hours in the early morning hours. We both want to be more than just buddies but he is even willing to allow me to sleep in his spare bedroom if i don't feel comfortable sleeping together just yet. It is very tempting but i need to buy a dependable vehicle and take the leap of moving. Yeah its a lot on me right now. I've been up all night tossing and turning with no sleep. I am so tired of living in this valley! I want to soar on the mountain tops of happiness and freedom in who I am. I have got to do something to rid me of this depression. I can not go on living in this freaking bubble around my dad!!!
Hey there. I read your other post, so I now know why your situation with your dad is tricky. I'm not quite sure what the solution is. Joel sounds like a kind man, but it sounds like he is farther away than your car is able to take you? Plus, I would personally want to meet up face-to-face for a bit before I decided to move in with someone. That being said, when I met my now husband at 23, I did move in with him 4 months later because of how my parents, especially my mom, had been acting since telling them I was gay 2 years prior. So I do sympathize. I'm 34 now and like you, I was depressed quite often from like 10 until 23, when I started living totally open to the world as a gay man. I've faced some challenges, but on the whole would say I'm definitely more happy than I was when I couldn't be my authentic self. I do think that part of your depression is coming from being trapped in the closet, I know mine was at least. Your other post said you were financially dependent on your father. I know you said you were disabled, perhaps you could look into connecting with a social worker in your town to see if they could help with getting you more independent? Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
I have seen advice that basically says … don’t make life changing decisions while depressed! There may be some sense in that but how the hell do we change things without breaking some eggs. have you been or are you in therapy? It seems that may help you resolve some issues around your depression AND weigh up the pros and cons around the trapped feeling with your father, and the guy in Oklahoma which are completely conflicting you at the moment.
rtoddhix.....I'm a little late with this reply, so I don't know if your situation has changed. I'll still reply, but it would help if you would bring us up to date on how things are working out for you. You say that you have been talking on the phone a lot...have you face timed or Zoomed with him? It's not as good as meeting face-to-face, but better than nothing. Have you been able to contact a social worker to see if there is a way for you to become more financially independent from your father? If you can't go to see your friend in Oklahoma, could he perhaps come to see you? So sorry for all of the questions! But the answers would help us a lot to know how we could give you advice and support! .....David
rtoddhix - it is understandable that such an offer would be tempting having talked so much and made a connection with Joel and I also think David and other respondents have asked some made some good points and asked some decent questions that will be helpful to you in deciding the right path forward for you. I wish you the greatest wellbeing and happiness whichever path you choose. Do stay in touch with your gay brothers and sisters from around the world here on Empty Closets and we hope we can be there for you to hear your truth and support you on this very challenging journey.
Thanks for all your kind responses. I talked to my mom and my dad separately. They have been divorced for many years. my mom lives in north Arkansas. I talked to her right after I posted this. She told me that if i moved and things didn't work out with Joel (who I told her he was my friend) She would not help me out financially and I would wind up homeless. The Joel guy...I broke up with him shortly after I had that talk with her. I told him my situation and it made him mad. Just tonight I talked to my dad about all a together different living situation that is going on now and he more or less told me the same thing. AS far as my parents are concerned I am a lost cause. They do NOT give me the grace to change. I wish I could have my own life without their very un-empathic support! All they care about is their money....They pressured me back in the day-2002-to apply for disability because they would not support me, but I have two half brothers who on separate sides of this screwed up family get support from them. To me it looks like my lifeline with another man is just a pipedream....I've been searching since 2019 and exhausted my search to find a compatible guy. It just makes me want to leave Ark after the first of the year and not look back ever!!! I think it is to my benefit to start saving and looking for my own vehicle.
rtoddhix.....I think that what ever you can do to become financially independent is a very good choice. It may take a while, but until you can move out of your father's house and be on your own you will not be able to be in complete control of your own life. Find an extra part-time job, do what ever you can, but you really do need to be out of his house and on your own. Then you'll be able to make the decisions that you want to make. Is there a local LGBTQIA+ support center anywhere near you? If so they can often offer help in working out a plan to achieve the kind of goals that you need to make. Check it out...be proactive...find a way to be on your own! .....David
I am heavily leaning on moving to Texarkana Arkansas sometime after the new year. I did look in this area and could not find a lgbt support center but have some lgbt therapists and possibly outpatient groups. Texarkana is 100 miles from where I am now. Its not a big city but big enough for me... Close but not too far from my dads family. I guess my main thing right now is to get a vehicle. If anyone knows about or lives in this area let me know what type of resources for lgbtqia+. Thanks.
As you’re not a full member, no. You will be able to apply to become a full member after posting 50 messages on the forum. However, if a member does have specific information that they feel would be helpful (such as the name of an LGBT group, etc. but not their own contact information), then they can open a thread in the Ask The Staff sub-forum and the staff team will review it.
