Have I blown my chance with this guy?

Will try to keep this short...

Have started volunteering recently and there's a guy there who I met previously (briefly) on a language course. We recognised each other and we get on well. I always thought he might be gay and he's just... really nice. One one hand he could just be straight, but if that's the case he's the most comfortable-with-his-sexuality straight guy I've ever met (and 75% of my friend group are straight guys). Thing is I have no gaydar AT ALL.

Now obviously no-one on here can tell me whether he's gay or not but I'd like you guys' advice about whether I've missed my chance to ask him out.

Like I said we talk and he's even given me compliments on what I'm wearing once. I've only been going to this place to volunteer a few times, and this last time I asked him what he's been up to this week etc. and he goes "Oh nothing much, I've been chatting with someone which is nice". To me that sounds like the precursor to dating, and honestly my heart sank.

I've never been in a long relationship, and only ever met guys via apps before. Just never felt that 'spark' with anyone. Was starting to doubt I could feel it, until this guy came along. I'ts dawned on me that I have to be attracted to someone's personality before I can develop physical attraction- a massive reassurance for me that I'm not dead inside but also... there's so much more at stake compared to some guy off an app... and he sounds like he's seeing somone else, and that I'm too late

I'm just hoping he was bluffing to see what my reaction was (I'm quite slow to get things so not sure what I said/looked like when he told me!). I just really want to ask him out for a drink, but how? How can I let him know I'm gay? And what if he isn't, and gets offended!? My housemate wants to volunteer too and said she'll come next time and suggest we all go for a drink, but I dunno if I'm too keen on that idea.

He mentioned to me as we were leaving he wouldn't be here next week- he specifically told me, rather than everyone, which gives me hope. Thing is I won't see him for two weeks now.

I've been on tenterhooks these last few days and like I said, it feels like I've got a lot to lose- this is the first time I've felt like this about anyone.

 

I suppose until I read your reply I did have some hope that I still had a chance. I'm finding it pretty hard to swallow the idea that I just have to let it go and accept he's not for me to be honest. I'd at least like to have a go at going for a drink with him. I do know a fair bit about him, I just didn't want to write it all here for personal reasons.

If I can just moan for a second it feels so soul-crushing to think I've FINALLY got that 'spark' about someone and FINALLY met someone who is (most likely) gay in real life only for me to chicken out of saying anything AND be too stupid to make a move.

 

Well this coming weekend when I see him again, I've promised myself that I'll ask him for a drink.

The reason I probably sound immature is that this is the first time in my life I feel *attracted* to someone, so obviously I'm feeling like there's more at stake than when I've been talking to guys on apps and going on first dates (part of the reason I actually enjoy enjoy doing on first dates and don't find them particularly nerve-wracking is that there's rarely a connection there for me).

I'm fairly sure he's gay or bi, and I wouldn't mind being friends if he's not interested in me.

 

I'm hoping someone will see this as I really want to talk to someone about it and all my friends are straight and don't talk about relationship stuff anyway.

Maybe you'll read this and think I'm being stupid and immature and I probably am.

It's been two weeks and I thought I'd see him again at the volunteering thing, and I promised I ask him to go for a drink. But he wasn't there. The time of the volunteering thing changed, so maybe he'll never be there again? There is a session on Wednesdays I think he goes too but that's 4 more days- 4 more days he could be with someone else.

He's the only gay person I've met in real life, and the only person I quite liked, and I am pretty sure he liked me back. These 2 weeks have been horrible. I've been waking up with anxiety pains that last all day. I've been trying every eanxiety-easing technique I know.

I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. Where the hell are all the gay guys? Even one friend who's a gay male would be nice. I struggle with apps since i just can't form attraction on looks alone- I need to slowly get to know someone and by then it's too late. Life throws me chances and I'm too dumb to catch them.

My last hope is to try messaging him on FB. We have one mutual friend so I sent him a request but he hasn't responded. I think maybe he just doesn't go on FB much- I never used to either. Would it be creepy? He came up on my suggested friends.

I'm so stupid but I just want someone who I can talk to about this. I don't have any friends who would take this seriously without making fun of me. I'm sorry if this sounds stupid.

 

I have started self harming again and I can't take this anymore

 

I'm sorry for my post,I knoe I sound stupid a d needy but I am at breaking point and I have no one there is no one who would listen to me and take me seriously I'm so sorry please ignore if you think on just stupid

 

Thank you and I'm sorry.

I just have no one to talk to. I don't know how to get help. I have an appointment with the counselling service at uni next week but that is days away. This will be the 4th time I've tried it. I just don;t know what to say and If i say how I'm feeling they look at me weird like I'm exagerating. And I'm deferring from uni so I don't know If i can get help ayway.

There is so much I have to do in my life nd stioll so many chnages to make I'm sorry for my spelling my hands are shaking too much to type better,

I'm sorry

 

Thank you @QuietPeace and @FireFox.

I'm feeling a bit better now. In sorry for making drama. I haven't been in crisis like that for a few months.

Thank you for the link. I didn't know such a thing existed, hopefully there is one in Wales where I am.

I didn't end up calling the emergency services in the end, or Samaritans. I felt silly because my preferred method of self harm is to punch myself repeatedly, rather than cutting or anything more obvious.

If i can make it till this counselling appointment on wednesday I'll tell them everything and try not to hold back this time.