Not ready to come out to family yet, but want to prepare

Welcome to EC.

The range of reactions is very wide. I waited until I had a job, moved out and had my own place. When I went back to visit my parents in 1985 and tried to explain to them they kicked me out of the house. Neither my mother nor my step-father ever actually accepted me (my mother died in 2014 having never gendered me correctly). On the other hand I have friends who's parents reacted badly but eventually came around to acceptance. I also have friends who's parents reactions were more like "I accept you for who you are no matter what" (often along with "yeah, I already knew").

 

I personally came out in a letter. I guess I find that easiest for me because then I don't have to deal with my family's initial reaction, and also it gives them time to process what I said. And also it gives me a chance to process their reaction (if I need to) rather than my first reaction to it, if that makes sense?

But everybody's different.

 

What I will say is good luck for however and whenever you decide to come out, no pressure at all though. Take it at your own pace.

 

As you prepare to come out it would be a good idea to look at the PFLAG website and download some of the information and resources they have built up over the years for parents and family members. You may also find details of a PFLAG support group in your state or the state where your parents reside. https://pflag.org/

Some parents and family members can surprise us with their reactions (for good and bad reasons) and there really is no way of telling how it will go down. If our family is quite liberal, we can perhaps feel a little easier about it, but it's not certain. In many cases the initial reaction is one of shock, accompanied by anger, denial or bargaining and it's a good idea to brace ourselves for all of these reactions because we've probably been through them in our own minds too. Most of us will have been through a process of self denial, self bargaining and quite a bit of anger, so we can't reasonably expect everyone else to just be fine with it. If we needed time, so might they. Fortunately, many parents do get through it and come around, but we may need to give them that extra bit of time and space and try very hard to remain calm or walk away for a while if it starts to get personal or heated.

Doing the ground work and setting yourself up to live independently is a good idea. Many people take the brave step of coming out while they still live at home, but there are certain risks in doing that. If we can bide our time and build up our support network, it's a good idea.

 

i came out via text was kinda scared to do it face to face tbh. They were ok. Sister was hilarious mum was not so much.

I don’t personally feel I would have ever felt “prepared” but I suppose I just got to a point where I was sick and tired of pretending and I wanted to be me rather than me being what every else wanted.

I’m sure whenever you decide to come out you will be able to handle whatever comes your way. Any you know we are all here for you if you need us.

 

Writing a post on Facebook isn't such a bad idea because people are able to reply with kind and supportive messages which can temper the feelings of those who are more inclined to react badly. Most people browse the comments as well as the original post.

Just remember that a bad reaction now isn't always the final word. Once people have time to consider your news and work through their own feelings that initial reaction can (and does) change.

Let us know how you get on.

 

good for you!! I having been toying with that idea for ages of doing a Facebook post. But I’m not sure why but I just haven’t yet. I guess I was wanting to be a bit slower telling people but I know that it’s my ultimate goal so that everyone then knows and i can just be me.

if it’s the right time for you then go for it. If not just like me have that as your ultimate goal.

whatever you decide know you have our support!

 

Wow good for you that takes a lot of nerve. I’m so glad that you have had such positive reactions and I’m sure you must be feeling amazing!

 

I’m so pleased for you. You should be so proud!!!!

 

Congrats on coming out! I'm glad it's been positive thus far, and hope it continues to be so.