I wanted to ask you fellow trans people how you would solve this situation. I'm going to a trip with a bunch of people who are not my best friends but we know each other and they might or might not know I'm afab. There is also going to be a bunch of strangers. There is going to be one common place to sleep and probably gendered showers. The way I look doesn't really pass either way, I think. I might pass in clothing. But I have breasts. And I'm not on T, so I might look a bit softer than the average dude. But I have a lot of my own T, so I might look dry and muscular for a woman too, and my legs and arms are hairy like a dude's, I don't shave them. I'm quite tall, I have a unisex voice. I wear boxer briefs and use men's cosmetics. And have men's short haircut. I scared women in the showers at the swinnimg pool before, although I'm not exactly sure why, because I shaved and had a one piece swimming suit. So I see potential for awkwardness both ways.
Hi Mihael, I guess what you're asking is will you be outed? Depends what kind of activities you'll be doing and whether those showers have individual cubicles... Forgetting the strangers for one minute, you say the people you're going with 'might or might not know' you're afab. Would you mind if they did?
The only times that I have been in similar situations the shower stalls were private and single person. What I did was wear my clothes into the stall and undress, shower and dress all behind the closed door or curtain and then walk out. I am not comfortable letting anyone that I am not physically intimate with knowing my birth assignment. Where things are separated by sex/gender I use the women's facility. If I was not sure that the stalls would be individual I would not go. Where I live now friends will go to sauna together in some situations, I simply avoid those situations. The hostels that I have stayed in (I have only been in two) had mixed sex/gender restrooms but they were single person ones so you go in and lock the door. The toilet and shower were both in the same unit so it was a private thing for anyone using it.
I wouldn't mind if they knew, I just don't want to weird people out or get the strangers throw me out from the bathroom. Maybe I should take someone who knows with me to the shower to be on my side if anything was up to happen? I kind of see it as unrealistic that nobody would figure out i'm afab, because I'm not on T. When it comes to being outed. Maybe I'm wrong? Some people from this group knew me when I presented as male but passed worse and had long hair. So it might create awkwardness. I'm afaird that if I use the women's bathroom, people will call me a she and treat like a girl. And that women will go "That's a dude". It sometimes doesn't matter that I'm trans and have certain body parts, a dude is a dude and it's still awkward. I never used men's showers before. I changed in the men's locker room and nobody bothered, but I tried hard to hide my bra or waited until everyone was gone. I'm afraid that the guys would also be like "That's a woman". I'm not sure what else the men could say... that I'm perving at them? I have never seen a man accuse someone of being a pervert in spaces like locker rooms or bathrooms tbh, even though it happens among women. Fair point. I can also walk in boxers and a tshirt. That's a good idea. But I hope the showers will be just one person bathroom. I hope. Thank you both for replying. Thanks for insight.
I am normally not comfortable sharing showerrooms with others. I have been in a college dorm before, when we had one bathroom to the entire floor and I usually chose to go, when there were not many people there or after others had already showered.
I mean, I'm not very comfortable sharing a shower room either, but it takes me around 10 minutes to shower and 5 minutes to brush my teeth, so I can deal with that. I won't shave, because it's just one night. I'm not sure if I need the bathroom for something else.
So... I survived. It wasn't all that bad, I slept somewhere else, but I used the men's changing rooms, and nobody batted an eye. I changed the shirt in a toilet, but still... Comparing that with the last time I used showers or changing rooms that were for women, I got no attention at all. And men didn't do anything that made me feel uncomfortable (as was the case with women). So... I survived, lol. It was better than I expected.
